Adoptive Moms

Getting started...Both trilled and
March 31, 2017 at 5:26 AM
So my husband and I have decided to finally start preparing ourselves to become foster parents, with the hopes of adopting a few of our foster children as well. However while part of me is super excited at the idea of having more children in my home besides my 11 year old daughter. Part of me is terrified of various worse case situations I've read and heard about. For example: what if the child dose not like me or my husband? What is they have issues my husband and I are not trained to handle? What if that hate my bological daughter and try to hurt her? What if my daughter does not like them, and lashes out? What If I come to love this child with all my heart only to have their family show up out of the blue demanding the child back?......Like I said, tons of what ifs. While I know most of it is in my own head, the worries are still there. Dose anyone have any advice on how to deal with these worries and fears?


  • hotspice58
    March 31, 2017 at 9:35 AM

    As a former foster parent, the first thing you need to do is develop a really thick skin... Next: realize that foster and fost/adoptive kids are traumatized.  Do not worry when they don't accomplish what your daughter does.  Third: The role of foster parents is to care for and love the kids while reunification is trying to take place.  If you don't think you can give up a child, don't do it.  That's extremely hard to do.  The rule of thumb is you're supposed to fost/adopt younger than the kids you already have to lessen the chances of your kid getting hurt. As for issues: there will be behavioral issues that will come out in a variety of ways depending on the abuse, neglect and/or trauma and the psyche of the kid.  Read up on RAD; I'm going with the opinion that that's the worst.  If you can handle that, you're good.  If not, you may want to rethink fostering.  Because the behaviors will play out all over; you'll get calls from school, neighbors, the milk man and the man on the moon!!  It's great but it's also exhausting.  Good luck!

  • NearSeattleMom
    March 31, 2017 at 4:40 PM


    I don't think you should be terrified but you should definitely be concerned about issues that foster children can have.  Be sure to read books and get educated about the issues you might face.  I have friends who have fostered children and it hasn't been all bad but there have been difficult situations, for sure.

    I think educating yourself (and talking to other foster parents) will help you deal with the worries and fears you have.

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