Raising Special Needs Kids

Approval seeking
October 10, 2017 at 9:11 AM
I was online attempting to research approval seeking in nonverbal children and I was horrified to find hundreds of articles on how to get your child to stop seeking your approval. I was so happy with Sarah this morning that I was almost in tears.
I even sent this text to one of her therapists who has been with us since my 8 year,old was a baby
Sarah just sought out approval!!!! She was building with trio(think legos crossed with knex) and built blocks onto a plate and brought it to me, angled it down to show me what she had done. When I said good job she put it down and clapped. She didn't smile when i said good job or make eye contact, but i still think this is huge!!!
She was as excited as I was. Do you guys find connecting like this awesome or a bad behavior that needs broken?


  • jjamom
    by jjamom
    October 10, 2017 at 10:57 AM
    Were the articles perhaps talking about approval seeking from peers? Or perhaps not seeking approval from strangers?

    My son thrives on praise, and we have actually been encouraged by his Behavioral Psychologist to praise often, especially when he is doing something we want him to do! He has been having some issues in school and the positive reinforcement for him is HUGE. It's part of his BIP (behavior intervention plan). I see seeking approval from responsible (familiar) adults and caregivers as a good thing. Sometime kids (especially those with special needs) need to know they're doing the right things and that those who love and care for them are proud of them.
  • romangio12
    October 11, 2017 at 10:51 AM
    That is awesome! My son seeks approval a lot I think. A lot meaning a little too much. Every couple of minutes it seems that he is showing me something he built with legos or during our dance time he has to make sure I am paying attention to every single move he makes up. I don't know if that is normal or maybe I am not giving him all of the attention that he needs. But it is hard to give him attention on my own when I see him every few minutes anyways. Maybe that's my fault though. Idk.
  • Sassym0m24
    October 18, 2017 at 7:56 PM
    From peers it can lead to mimicking unhealthy behaviors/Being bullied.

    From adults it can lead to self blaming if they feel disapproval/feeling bad in their skin all the way up to allowing consent violating type stuff.

    I understand where you are coming from, but those sorts of things are typically written as cautionary tales of people who aren't using that in a good way.
  • Marti123
    October 19, 2017 at 1:32 PM
    I think it all just depends on the situation. I am glad she is trying to communicate with you. As I have typical children and a SN child, I try to avoid commenting on the quality or giving my opinion. I will say things like "yes, I saw you working hard on that, point to what you think is the best part?" OR "you really want to show me what you have done, tell me about it or show me more"
  • lissadavis
    October 20, 2017 at 12:52 PM
    She has just figured out that my mom gushes every time she successfully says something. (Rightfully so) Since my mom never learned to sign when she was younger and is 78 and quite arthritic learning to sign now is difficult. She cannot make some of the signs. Sarah actually signed grandma and said memaw yesterday, my mother was quite excited as Sarah doesn't even have words for her siblings yet.

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