Raising Special Needs Kids

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mamisjourney
Depressed
January 5, 2013 at 10:18 AM

I dont know what to do anymore.  Me and my DH don't fight often, but when we do its bad. I don't want to live without him because of the good times are good and I do really love him. But when its bad its really bad and now he's left and doesn't sound like he wants to talk to me. Things happened that were a game changer and I don't know how we can go back. We have two children together and one each from a previous relationship. Our youngest son is just a baby and has DS. I'm so overwhelmed and have no one to talk to.  I don't know where to go from here.

Replies

  • lifeisajoy
    January 5, 2013 at 10:26 AM

    Hugs and glad you cam here for support!  Relationships are hard and when you are add our special need kiddos in there --there is just so much we as mamas have to do-physically and emotionally-and oh it can be draining.  Is he supportive for you with the children?  How does he feel about the baby and the DS?  

    Have your husband and you seeked any type of counseling?  Is husband willing to?

    List the strengths and needs/weaknesses of relationship-discuss with your husband and note the strengths and keep those and the weaknesses-hopefully he will be able to work with you on those

    It is not easy mama but it can become manageable and actually enjoyable (eventually)!! Thinking of you and take care!! Talk to me anytime!

  • Elyssa414
    January 5, 2013 at 12:22 PM
    I'm so sorry, Mama!
  • JenaSmith
    January 5, 2013 at 2:41 PM
    I feel you. me and dh are currently seperated. Its depressing and allot harder now I'm alone. were working it out bit by bit. Maybe yaw need a break to stop and think. Also we got journals to write each other because writing feeling we won't yell at each other. or we can get all we need out
  • darbyakeep45
    January 5, 2013 at 5:49 PM

    Big hugs mama!  Welcome to the group:)

  • mamisjourney
    January 5, 2013 at 6:49 PM

    I really need some friends...Im a stay at home mom of 4 kids, and my youngest has down syndrome....i dont have any friends


  • letstalk747
    Joy
    January 5, 2013 at 7:21 PM

    welcome , im joy , sorry you are going thru all this , lots of support here

  • alyssaravensmom
    January 5, 2013 at 7:29 PM
    :(. I'm sorry to hear this. Sounds like you guys need to.find away to approach a situation before it gets to a fight, which at times can be super hard to do when you're stressed.
  • mamisjourney
    January 5, 2013 at 9:15 PM

    All he wants to do is fight, even when I am just trying to talk....the entire fight was over me drinking I guess...See I went out with my brother to play pool. Before hand I asked him and made sure the kids were going to be ok. I have not gone out in over a year and not drank a sip since I had my baby. When I got home, I was a little buzzed and then he left me with the baby. I was very upset since I have ALWAYS made sure my children were set before even thinking about having a drink. He took that away from me. When he got home, I yelled at him because I was drinking and should not be responsible for the baby while I was buzzed. He told me he would watch him. I yelled at him saying anything could have happend. I could have dropped him or something. So he took that as I was saying I was going to hurt my child. He told his entire family that I threatened my son and I don't understand how I did that. I honestly would not have gone drinking if I thought that he wouldnt be taking care of the baby. Now I know I can never drink or leave my child again because clearly I'm the only one who thinks its a bad idea to have someone under the influence watching an infant with medical problems.

  • lifeisajoy
    January 6, 2013 at 12:27 AM

    Sorry you all going through all of that mama! Hugs!

    Quoting mamisjourney:

    All he wants to do is fight, even when I am just trying to talk....the entire fight was over me drinking I guess...See I went out with my brother to play pool. Before hand I asked him and made sure the kids were going to be ok. I have not gone out in over a year and not drank a sip since I had my baby. When I got home, I was a little buzzed and then he left me with the baby. I was very upset since I have ALWAYS made sure my children were set before even thinking about having a drink. He took that away from me. When he got home, I yelled at him because I was drinking and should not be responsible for the baby while I was buzzed. He told me he would watch him. I yelled at him saying anything could have happend. I could have dropped him or something. So he took that as I was saying I was going to hurt my child. He told his entire family that I threatened my son and I don't understand how I did that. I honestly would not have gone drinking if I thought that he wouldnt be taking care of the baby. Now I know I can never drink or leave my child again because clearly I'm the only one who thinks its a bad idea to have someone under the influence watching an infant with medical problems.


  • sammygrl77
    January 6, 2013 at 10:46 AM
    (((Hugs))) my dh and I have had major issues in the past because of poor communication. We still have issues at times, but it is easier to figure out.

    One of the main things that helped was making sure we really understood what the other was saying by saying what we each heard and repeating it back. So in your case, your dh should say: Did you mean that you would hurt our baby? And you would respond: No what I meant was that I don't want to take chances with our children getting hurt. If one of us is under the influence, the other should ensure the children's safety by taking care of them.

    If there is still miscommunication, keep repeating the process. Of course take breaks if it gets too heated.

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