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Reina13
My husband and I are no longer on the same page!
by Reina13
July 22, 2013 at 12:01 PM

My DH and I have the same views and values and mostly agree on how we are raising our children.

Lately, he is being more lax with the rules. While, I don't think everything should be a battle, we have very clear defined rules in our home for our children as well as clear consequences.

I think that him being lax is sending the wrong message to our youngest son, who seems to think he can get away with anything now, while I am trying to not let things get out of hand. Give a child an inch and they will try and take a mile. His response "little boys need to run wild" sometimes.

Are you and your DH/SO on the same page when it comes to the kids or do you argue about how to raise/discipline them? 

How do you resolve this issue?


Replies

  • TNorris
    by TNorris
    July 24, 2013 at 12:22 PM

    I know exactly what you are going through.  When my husband is with the boys, he always gives in to our 4 yr old to "keep him quiet".  When I am home & say no to our son, my husband will still say yes usually.  Because of this, my son now cries or has a fit when I say no.  When I try to talk to my husband about it, he says "what's the big deal".  If I get mad at him for anything, his response is to get mad back at me.  I get know where!  I think part of it is that he loves our son so much, he doesn't want to disappoint him or make him sad.  The other part, he is lazy!  It's easier to say yes then go through all the drama that a no brings.

    Tell you husband that your kids need boundaries or they will turn into the kind of kids you see in public hitting their parents when they can't have their way.  Boundaries and discipline are important if you want well behaved kids...

  • MichelleMc
    July 24, 2013 at 1:07 PM

    Did he always work away? Or did it just start? 

    My husband & I was always on the same page, but a great mix too of letting each other know if one or the other was being too lax or strict. 

    When our son hit teenage years, my husband got stricter & I got more lax ( which I was NEVER the lax one ). Which is usually the norm. Dads want to raise their sons to men & wants them to do more/be more & moms are knowing they are moving out & see the men they are becoming, LOL. We both still kept with rules & were for sure the "most" strict parents of most of his friends. Which he thanked us for & he is am amazing man. 

  • Zainakae2601
    July 24, 2013 at 6:47 PM
    Aww sorry :( kids can get real low self esteem if they're made to feel bad about bed-wetting. Tell him it's normal, and can go up to 6 years old. But if it goes on longer than that, it could be a medical problem, so it's best to see a pediatrician. Just wrote an article on this so it's fresh in my mind :) good luck mama! :))


    Quoting LilRed2130:

     


    DH and I argue a little bit. I feel he blows the little things out of proportion...like bed wetting.


  • LovinLife214
    July 26, 2013 at 10:36 AM

    We are not on the same page at all. I am currently having a very hard time with my son. Me and my son's dad are divorced and he goes to his dad's twice a week. During that time my son (who is 4 years old) is allowed to do whatever he wants and really has no consequences to his actions. His dad even sent me a video of my son throwing a empty bottle on top of a shed in his back yard. (The shed has glass windows...apparently his dad doesn't see something wrong with this) 

    When my son comes home he does not listen to me at all. He uses fowl language. And does not play well with other kids. 

    I am at my wit's end. We constantly argue about the situation. I wish I had a answer to this question, but looks like I need help as well. 

  • Indiemom880
    July 26, 2013 at 11:21 AM

    As long as the differences aren't polar opposites, I don't think it's a huge deal that there are differences between how you and your husband handle discipline. Kids will learn what each parent expects and will behave for you even if your husband expects something different. I see the same thing with my kids and my parents. My folks have a lot fewer rules and they can get away with a lot more there (like, they buy toys if my kids beg). They act totally different around them than they do around me. They know begging won't get them anywhere at the toystore with me. So even though they are going by different rules at granny's house, they still behave with me.

    As for hubby, I won't say he's more strict than me, but he is a lot more bothered by the kids antics than I am and is more likely to yell at them than I am. I prefer just telling them how to behave in a normal speaking voice. I have tried to talk to him about this. We're still working on it.

  • Reina13
    by Reina13
    July 27, 2013 at 12:20 PM

    My DH has always worked away.

    He just thinks we need to loosen up the reigns a bit. Okay, fine, but talk to me about it first and lets work it out together instead of undermining me, you know.

    We have since talked and have come up with a few solutions that we can both get on board with.

    Quoting MichelleMc:

    Did he always work away? Or did it just start? 

    My husband & I was always on the same page, but a great mix too of letting each other know if one or the other was being too lax or strict. 

    When our son hit teenage years, my husband got stricter & I got more lax ( which I was NEVER the lax one ). Which is usually the norm. Dads want to raise their sons to men & wants them to do more/be more & moms are knowing they are moving out & see the men they are becoming, LOL. We both still kept with rules & were for sure the "most" strict parents of most of his friends. Which he thanked us for & he is am amazing man. 


  • Daishaxo
    July 30, 2013 at 1:45 PM
    Me and my fiance were raised completely different. He believes that she needs to start getting "powpow" at 1... ONE!!! constant arguing over this. Because well.. SHES 1!!!!! Idk his familys history in raising kids. I know theres skeletons in that closet but he has it in his head, that fear=respect. Hell no I dont allow Iit when Iim around. And our lil one knows who her daddy Iis and gives him huggie and kissie Iin the am but other than that she stays under mommy or grandma


    Quoting Reina13:

    My DH and I have the same views and values and mostly agree on how we are raising our children.

    Lately, he is being more lax with the rules. While, I don't think everything should be a battle, we have very clear defined rules in our home for our children as well as clear consequences.

    I think that him being lax is sending the wrong message to our youngest son, who seems to think he can get away with anything now, while I am trying to not let things get out of hand. Give a child an inch and they will try and take a mile. His response "little boys need to run wild" sometimes.

    Are you and your DH/SO on the same page when it comes to the kids or do you argue about how to raise/discipline them? 

    How do you resolve this issue?



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