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Indiemom880
My husband blames me for everything
July 18, 2013 at 3:01 PM

Perhaps blame isn't the right word. But it seems like every decision we make, he puts it on me. Example: his parents will invite us for the weekend. We will decide to just go for a day trip. He will tell his mother "We're just going to come up for the day. Tara (me) doesn't want to spend the night.

or if someone asks him to hang out with them, he'll say "Tara wanted to go out for dinner tonight". He decided with me to go out to eat and where we were going to eat!

I mean, he does defer to what I want to do a lot, but it's not like he doesn't have any say in what we do! We decide on things together. He makes it sound like I boss him around all the time!

The only thing I can come up with is that he doesn't want people to be mad at him so he puts it all on me. It's just irritating because I feel like everyone in his life sees me as this bossy nag machine. I can just see his parents thinking that he would've gone to visit for the whole weekend but his evil wife doesn't like her inlaws.

I mentioned this to him and he was like "But you didn't want to go" and I'm like "but you didn't want to go either!" And his mom has a 30 year history with him, I'm still new and she doesn't have to like me! He said he'd try to stop, but we'll see.

Annoying.

Replies

  • honeygram4
    July 21, 2013 at 10:17 AM

     


    Quoting Pammi86:

    I would be annoyed too! Do it to him and see how he likes it lol!


     Or have no opinion and MAKE him make all decisions on his own, then when he says you decided you can gently nudge him and smiling sweetly say "oh honey you know I don't care how long we stay at your parents house!!"... i play stupid or ignore my DH when he bugs me, he is slowly learning that means for him to straighten up. That being said, we will ask if it's ok to blame the other, he had a goofy friend that he liked to avoid, but if he was desperate for a fishing buddy he would call him, so I let him blame me "honey won't let me out to go to a bar with you tonight, sorry"... good luck!

  • splatz
    by splatz
    July 21, 2013 at 11:41 AM

    That would drive me nuts!

  • Suzqdrama
    July 21, 2013 at 12:04 PM
    It is the huband that usually causes issues with his parents....My X Always put his Mom before me & blamed me for our decisions...Even though he controlled any outcome. ..But TOLD MOMMY...,"SHE SAID..!"....ONE reason why we broke up!


    Quoting bipolar69mom:

    He needs to man up for his own actual answers and be truthful and not make you the person he uses for excuses he cant man up to himself.  Call your inlaws and explain to them what he is doing and that he is making decisions for you.  if it doesnt stop i would go to marriage counseling.


  • Indiemom880
    July 21, 2013 at 12:31 PM

    Lol My friend's husband is like that. They will get in a fight and he will call his mommy and tell her 'She said this hurtful thing to me, waaaa!"

    One day she found him hiding in the garage, in the dark, in 98 degree heat, crying to his mommy about something. GROW UP! lol


    Quoting Suzqdrama:

    It is the huband that usually causes issues with his parents....My X Always put his Mom before me & blamed me for our decisions...Even though he controlled any outcome. ..But TOLD MOMMY...,"SHE SAID..!"....ONE reason why we broke up!


    Quoting bipolar69mom:

    He needs to man up for his own actual answers and be truthful and not make you the person he uses for excuses he cant man up to himself.  Call your inlaws and explain to them what he is doing and that he is making decisions for you.  if it doesnt stop i would go to marriage counseling.




  • mom2one29
    July 21, 2013 at 11:10 PM

    I say 2 can play that game. I am sure there will be a time where you can turn the tables on him.

  • mommykc
    by mommykc
    July 21, 2013 at 11:21 PM
    My hubby does the same thing. I'm so used to it that it doesn't bother me anymore. My hubby mostly does it toward his one set of friends that I can't stand. He knows it and his friends knows it. So I don't care. Good luck.
  • little.worthen
    July 21, 2013 at 11:29 PM

    lol my husband does that too, ALL the time. i think mainly its because its easier than arguing with his mom or whoever why he doesnt want to go, or having to come up with an excuse on his own. it's annoying but i dont really care. if he does it in front of people and i'm standing there i speak up and say, whoa whoa, you're the one that said ---! dont pin this all on me, haha. 



  • OliviasMommy611
    July 22, 2013 at 11:36 AM
    I would not like that.
  • Jerichos_Mommy
    July 22, 2013 at 9:42 PM

    mine too I think it is because he is afraid of confrontation except with me.  Pretty dumb, if you ask me, since I am the one he sleeps with.

  • SlapItHigh
    July 23, 2013 at 10:48 AM
    How frustrating!
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