Hilary799
We're too young for this!
June 18, 2013 at 8:21 PM

And here we go....since dh left dsd's mom, she has had strange men in and out of her house and bed. When dsd was five, I got her from her mother so that she could be with us when her dad came home from Iraq. The night before he came home, she started complaining of burning and itching in her private parts. I got her an appt for the day after he got home and when they did the exam it showed that she had been molested and had an infection. They arrested dh, but obviously released him. Dsd said it was her big brother, and the state we lived in contacted the home state, but they wouldn't do anything because they don't investigate child on child abuse. Since then, we have tried multiple times to get custody, but have yet to succeed. Most of the places bm has lived are not good enough for dogs, much less children. Right now, the house isn't bad looking, for once. However, dsd's bedroom is 6 ft by 4 ft. It doesn't have a closet, window, or a door. They've lived here for about 3 yrs. Her brothers each have a nice sized room and her mother, and there are two living rooms. The one living room is located right beside dsd's room and where some of the boyfriends have stayed. Two years ago, one of these men raped my dsd...she was 13. We had had "the talk" before that happened, and since. She made a mistake and did sleep with one of her boyfriends when she was 14. Dsd has become a lot like her mother though with having new boyfriends ever other month. Her latest just turned 17, has a pretty messed up home life, seemed nice when dh met him but acted like a 13 yrs old and was all over dsd when he met dh. Dh said something about it and the kid didn't care. He also keeps failing the SOLs, and doesn't care about that. Fast forward to this weekend, bm and dsd tell dh when we're picking her up for visitation that she's pregnant, about 2 months. The ER doctor gave her a due date of January 26th. They had known for a week but decided to wait until we went up there to say something. Dh wants to know if we hadn't gone up, when were they going to tell us. Who the fuck knows. We can't be really surprised, but there is still shock. Dsd won't be 16 until January 13th. Dh turns 35 January 6th, I turn 34 in September, we are all too young. Guess we'll be starting to look for baby stuff. We have given her a choice of where to live. My head is spinning...

Replies

  • Hilary799
    June 18, 2013 at 9:03 PM

    BUMP!

  • 4kidsmommy
    June 18, 2013 at 9:11 PM

    Ohhhh my. Sounds like you all are in for a hard road to follow. Good luck! I hope she make the right choice for the baby here on out. Good luck again!

  • Hilary799
    June 18, 2013 at 10:48 PM

    Thank you

    Quoting 4kidsmommy:

    Ohhhh my. Sounds like you all are in for a hard road to follow. Good luck! I hope she make the right choice for the baby here on out. Good luck again!


  • Summerlove0617
    June 19, 2013 at 11:42 AM

    Good luck to you! I hope it all works out!

  • Mom2Kyle03
    June 19, 2013 at 12:48 PM

    Oh My! Sounds like a nightmare waiting to happen. Anyone talk to her about possibly putting the baby up for adoption? She is way too young for a baby (and been through ALOT already) and sounds like she will get no help from her Mom or probably the BF. I am an adoptive Mom and I KNOW someone out there would want that baby. Just a thought..please don't take offense. Best of luck to all of you!

  • MistressMinerva
    June 19, 2013 at 2:27 PM

    Hope it all works out. Good Luck!!!

  • Hilary799
    June 19, 2013 at 2:48 PM

    She said that if she did go the adoption route, she wanted an open adoption. Dh and I have decided that we would do it. However, she does want to keep it and it's ultimately her decision. I agree that she's been through a lot as it is. The bf says he'll help, but dsd won't give us examples of how he plans to do that. Bm has been on medicaid for over 19 yrs and sees nothing wrong with it. She is actually planning on that. She hasn't worked unless court ordered either, so we see this as a way for her to not work again.

    Quoting Mom2Kyle03:

    Oh My! Sounds like a nightmare waiting to happen. Anyone talk to her about possibly putting the baby up for adoption? She is way too young for a baby (and been through ALOT already) and sounds like she will get no help from her Mom or probably the BF. I am an adoptive Mom and I KNOW someone out there would want that baby. Just a thought..please don't take offense. Best of luck to all of you!


  • EarlGrayHot
    June 19, 2013 at 3:14 PM

    THis is all screwy.  Since when is rape not rape when it's a child and another child?  That's BS.  Yes she does not need to be caring for a baby and yes, there is (and should be) a limit tohow long anyone can receive public assistance unless there is a permanent disabilty that prevents a person from working.  She needs to grow up and start behaving responsibly.

  • Hilary799
    June 19, 2013 at 3:33 PM

    Seriously??? Do you really think I would make that shit up?? First and foremost, apparently in the State of Virginia, or at least in Montgomery County, when the State of Georgia called, they told them that they do not do anything about child on child rape or molestation. I also called and was told the same thing. This was back in 2003, so I'm hoping that it has changed.  It is f'g bs, we agree!!!! BM does need to get off assistance. She's been going to school for years and yet doesn't get a job where she can make more than 7.25 an hr. Right now, jobs are hard to come by in most areas, even with a degree, but I know one place she could go and get a job and make like $10 an hr. She just doesn't want too. Oh, and I don't know how she's been able to keep it that long.

    Quoting EarlGrayHot:

    THis is all screwy.  Since when is rape not rape when it's a child and another child?  That's BS.  Yes she does not need to be caring for a baby and yes, there is (and should be) a limit tohow long anyone can receive public assistance unless there is a permanent disabilty that prevents a person from working.  She needs to grow up and start behaving responsibly.


  • shirleywiley
    June 20, 2013 at 12:21 AM

    A very close friend of mine was the teenager in a similar situation. By the time she was 19 she had her 3rd kid and was working with the state to get custody of her older 2 back. She has been kicked out of the housing program because she left her apartment (that the state was paying for) in shambles. And hasn't been able to hold a job for more than a few months. My advice to you is that it's tough love time. Don't make her do it by herself cuz that's far too much for her to handle but you have to make life hard for her. She needs to get a job and maybe look into at home schooling while she's still pregnant. There's an online highschool called Penn Foster that she could transfer credits to and be able to graduate with an actual high school diploma. They also have college courses. If she steps up and takes care of herself and her baby now then it could make her a stronger more beautiful person in the future. However, I'm telling you catering to her whim is not the support she needs. Make her work for it.