I've been wanting to get this off of my chest for awhile now.
I was adopted at the age of 5 along with my 7 year old sister. We previously lived in an abusive home, and this new family couldnt have children so they chose to adopt.
It was great for awhile, I couldnt imagine a better childhood; arts and crafts, sports, camps, and family dinners everynight. My sister was a menace though, she lived with the abuse longer so she was more mentally scared then I was. Her and my adoptive mom would always fight, but I was always the angel she loved and adored.
Anyhow, as we got older my sister started getting into trouble with drugs, theft, prostituting and she even sexually abused two little boys and had to register as a sex offender.
My adoptive mom became pregnant when I was ten, which she did not think was possible, hents the adoption.
Anyhow, when my sis was away in jail, and my little brother was born mom started taking her agressions out on me, and my brother was the new angel.
Despite feeling neglected I was a good kid, and I loved my brother more than life.
I started becoming harrassed in school, kids would throw rocks at me on the way home from school, and mom did nothing. She would still make me walk to and from everyday.
One day, she bought me a hampster and it died the very same day. She then blamed me, broke down my bedroom door and started hitting me in the face. My dad had to pull her off of me.
After middle school was over I refused to go to highschool. I was so bullied I developed severe social anxiety and just couldnt go back.
At the age of 17 I met my first real boyfriend and moved in with him to get away from her. We became pregnant and boy did that set her off!
I now feel no matter what I do or how hard I try to redeem myself for dissapointing her, she cant seem to treat me equally to my brother or sister.
I am now 23 and have met a man that I absolutely adore. We are married and have a beautiful baby boy.
Before the marriage she insisted on the wedding being at her house. She made all these beautiful plans and at the last second her and dad tell me they cant support the wedding because my siginificant other has aspergers and doesnt always say the nicest things.
My sister, who has had her child taken away for selling herioine, abusing her child, offering herself for 10$ to undercover narcodics, and giving her 4 year old a sippy cup full of beer in front of these agents, and been to prison for it.. is getting better treatment from my parents then I have.
My mom took her in, gave her her own room, (which she wouldnt do for me) and is now supporting a marriage to a man older than our dad who she has only known for a few weeks..
Christmas's are just plain wrong. My mom will tell me not to expect anything this year because she cant afford it, yet when I show up my little brother(her blood child) gets 15 gifts and sits there complaining about them!
I know I am a grown woman and this may seem imature, but I am just hurt, and feel so confused about this relationship with my "mom."
I have tried to explain these feelings to her but she just says shes sorry I feel this way and continues these actions. She has even admitted to loving my "brother" more than I because hes the child shes always wanted.
Anyhow, Id like some opinions.
I recently told her I cant have her in my life because it just hurts to much.
AM I WRONG?
June 19, 2013 at 8:17 PM
Wow, sounds kind of like my dad . . .putting up with a bunch of stuff for years and never saying anything. I used to wish my dad would find somebody else who appreciated him but he has his own issues as well and made his bed, so to speak. I just wanted you to know that your mom is messed up and has nothing to do with her being adopted or biological - can happen to both.
My dad and I are okay. I love him but like I quoted on another user, he is withdrawn. Keeps his feelings and opinions to himself. He just works to pay the bills. WHen hes not working hes working. Basically hes my moms puppet but wont stand up to her or say anything. He told me he secretly has money stashed away since she spends all of his and puts him into debt.
Shes convinced he would never keep secrets from her so its funny.
I hope he has another woman on the side.. I really do. ha. He deserves so much better.
I feel so bad for you. My biological mom was crazy with us growing up and we had a lot of hurts. I call her now and then but I would not call what we have a "relationship." I am however always respectful. I have no memories of her holding me, cuddling with me, etc. and my aunts have said that she clearly did not even like me as a child and they felt bad for me. In my case, my older brother was favored (he is the only child of the man she was really in love with) and she wanted to be with him rather than my dad (who married her when she told him she was pregnant with his child - not true).
Anyway, my adopted child has never met my parents. He knows that they are crazy and were mean to me when I was growing up. It is a little weird and I get pushback from some people but they usually don't understand what it is like to have a mother who does not show love or affection appropriately.
I think that you might be better off not putting yourself in situations where you will feel hurt or betrayed. You don't say how the relationship is with your father. Better?
by notomatoesJune 20, 2013 at 8:25 AM
honey, get off the hamster wheel of self hate because that is exactly what your mother wants you to do..self hate, so you wont have the time or mental energy to see her laughing at you behinbd her hand! you are right to feel angry, but dont turn it on yourself, your mother is the problem..dont bother to have christmas, birthday..whatever with her, she is just gonna rub her preference for your little brother in your face the moment you show up with him, so why bother to put yourself through it! she "prefers" your little brother, LET HER! but the next time she calls you wanting something, say..sorry, but NO!say the word with me..NO! she has no more feelings for you then her last bowel movement, its high time to return the favor, and flush her out of your life! forget the forgive and forget crap, all that is gonna do is give you ulcers, and its not gonna solve the problem of your mother, all its gonna do, is put you on some therapists couch because you cant forgive what you cant forget, so dont bother..more later
by Shelly126June 21, 2013 at 10:52 AMWow, I don't know how people can be so cruel, honestly you seem like a very sweet person, I'm sorry you had to go through so much! The best thing you can do for yourself and your family (your DH and your children) is to stay away from people who will continually hurt and abuse you. Be happy in spite of all your hardships you found love and happiness and turned a negative into a positive. Your life could have taken a very wrong turn, as you know, like your sister or like so many victims of bullying who thought suicide was their only escape, you are a strong woman! Be proud, be happy and cut the negative out of your life, be bold and tell people you will no longer take their abusive behavior and if they want to be part of your life they need to treat you with respect or they can go fly a kite!
Good luck to you and God Bless!
by SlapItHighJune 21, 2013 at 10:59 AMIt doesn't sound like you are wrong. I would put some serious distance between you and mom and then start therapy if not already. You've had to endure a lot and I hope things get better soon.
by Mena929June 21, 2013 at 11:07 AM
I don't think you are wrong for taking her out of your life. Why continue to be treated like shit. Furthermore, you certainly don't need her treating your child like shit either.