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USMCwife0530
***UPDATE*** I think this may be the end...(PIOG, long)
April 30, 2013 at 5:53 AM
Dh and I got married the day after high school, I was 18 & he was 20. He had been in the Marines for a year already, (he's still active). We dated for a year before getting married. We both regret marrying so young. I don't regret marrying him, I just wished we'd waited longer. Anyway, I moved to San Diego a few months after getting hitched. Moving in together brought out a whole new different person that neither of us had ever seen. Mind you, we had a long distance relationship while we were dating. I have a huge temper. When were arguing, I tend to be the one that raises my voice and throw stuff and/or slam doors. I realized he wasn't as affection as I thought. But, we pulled through and after 4 years of marriage, we had our first son. Everything seemed to be good. That is until I found out he was confiding to another woman about our problems. An old childhood friend. It got ugly for a while until we started counseling. We only did 3 sessions because he got sent to NC for some training. We never went back. I wanted to but he didn't. Somehow we got over it. We had a second son August of 2011. He left for his second deployment when our son was 4 months old. He came home last July. While he was deployed, he called me to say our next duty station was gonna be Hawaii. We both were excited. That is until we got here last Labor Day. Everything seemed to go downhill fast. We were forced to live out of a hotel for 3.5 months, so imagine how much we got on each other's nerves. He started hanging out with his new Marine brothers and I quickly took a dislike to them, or just one in particular. Our housing got delayed from December move in date to February. At this point, I felt like we were stuck in a rut. Then, I find out on the night of my birthday that he was having yet another emotional affair through FB. I read his messages to her and he commented to her on how beautiful she was and how her soon-to-be ex husband will regret leaving her, he even went as far as telling her that we don't sleep in the same bed anymore. (I was ebfing & co-sleeping with our youngest, PLUS he started sleeping with his cpap machine so it was just easier that way.) So finally I asked him if he still loved me and he said "I'm not IN love with you. That spark is gone." So of course that sent me crashing. I know that notion only lasts a few moths/years but it IS possible to reignite it, with both parties willing to try. He says that my temper has pushed him away from me. That he just doesn't see this going anywhere. I feel like he just doesn't want to be with me anymore and is afraid to say it to spare my feelings. I told him I will not be the one to file for divorce because I'm the one pulling both our weight to make this work. The ball is on his court. Here's the kicker: he is scheduled to deploy this summer to Afghanistan for a whole year! (Totally was not expecting this coming here.) he just told me tonight that sometimes he thinks to himself that I could find someone else that can make me happy. But I told him, I don't need someone else, I want him to make me happy! I don't know what to do or think. To me it seems like he's checked out. But like I told him, if that's what he wants, then he needs to take the next step, not me. I want us to work through it. That's probably just my pride. Anyway, thanks for reading. Any words of advice and /or encouraging words are appreciated. It's 11:45pm and I'm tired.

***UPDATE***

So, we've talked some more. He's flat out told me he doesn't love me anymore (he loves me for being the mother of his kids and he thanks me for that! Wow.) he doesn't see how he could l he could love me again. He also said he'll go with me to talk to the chaplain tomorrow morning, more because I'm asking him rather than he wants to go.

How would you ladies take this? As a glimmer of hope? Or just as a last resort?

I just don't know how we'll be entering this deployment. As a married couple still working on our marriage (and he says he'll only be doing it for the kids) or go into it legally separated. The military will pay to ship our stuff back to my hometown. And whenever he gets back, we'll see where we're both at. I'm at a loss.

Replies

  • mommy_2_be_2010
    April 30, 2013 at 5:58 AM
    Bump
  • goddess99
    April 30, 2013 at 8:49 AM

    No man can make you happy, you have to be mature enough to make yourself happy. Good luck with all this. I don't have any advice that you want to hear. Sorry.

  • EvaTheDiva29
    April 30, 2013 at 9:02 AM

    honestly, i think yoiu need to make yourself happy. no man will do it. you can be happy WITH dh. but he himself cannot do it for you. you said he leaves this summer? that gives you two, a few month<maybe> to start dating again. start where you left off before you were married. go on dates, go stay out all night. have fun with each other. do not talk about divorce, do not talk about how it used tobe. just be together. see where that takes you. 

    i woiuld also suggest, some counciling for you for your hurt and anger from the things you two have done to each other, and the same for him. do it seperatly. 

  • Maemae2012
    April 30, 2013 at 9:29 AM
    I'm sorry you are feeling this way but no man will make you happy. I'm kind of in your shoes as to where my relationship stands so I feel your pain.
  • SlapItHigh
    April 30, 2013 at 9:52 AM
    I think both of you should start thinking of the kids.
  • MistressMinerva
    April 30, 2013 at 12:09 PM

    Make yourself happy first. Good Luck!!!

  • TxMamma11
    April 30, 2013 at 12:21 PM
    I have been married for 12 years, happily. This is because I was fine with myself before I got married, my DH just makes me better. Every day I choose to love him, even at times when I don't really like him. You both need to be grown-ups you have kids to think of. Choose to love each other again. Counseling would be a good idea for you both. I think you both have issues you need to get to the bottom of. I hope you can work it out together. Good luck!
  • Mom2Kyle03
    May 1, 2013 at 12:19 PM

    Getting married young is difficult no matter what and having two kids and a husband in the service is added stress. I beleive we truly don't know oursleves until our late 20's and early 30's. And a man can not make you happy. You have to be happy and secure in yourself first. I beleive you should try counseling again but you BOTH have to be willing. If he is not, then it's time to move on. I am not a proponent of divorce, I was married for 9 yrs and divorced. My second marriage is fantastic and we are still as much in love 5 years later and we were when we were dating. True love does not fade. Nothing is perfect, love and marriage take work but you BOTH have to do the work. Good luck with whatever decision you make.

  • MommyBell
    May 1, 2013 at 12:29 PM
    My marriage went through a very dark time. One day it just clicked and I fell more in love with him every day. It takes work but it is worth it.
  • Janet
    by Janet
    May 1, 2013 at 7:06 PM

     He has to want to make it work. Then you can work on it through the things mentioned.

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