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my4loves4
At my breaking point. need advice.
April 5, 2013 at 2:25 PM

My three year old will not listen to me. I have tried everything. I have tried researching and appyling the methods. Nothing hs worked. I am so stressed. My 5 month old is sick, my husband is out of town for his yearly military training, I have no help. He refuses to do anything I ask, no naps, throwing things, hitting, cussing. I don't know what to do!!!

Right now he is shut in his room, screaming his head off banging on the walls and throwing things around. I had to put him in there in fear i was going to snap. He kept throwing things at his sister, hitting me, doing things i kept asking him not to do.

Here is the methods i have tried and the resluts... PLEASE if you know a diffrent way, advice is greatly needed!

1. Time out- This is what i've always used, it always worked until recently when he figured out how to open his door. And by open i dont mean just open it, i mean pick the lock and open. (Hes also taught himself to throw up! so if he cant get the door open he makes himself throw up!!!)

2. Corner- this is the method his dad uses, he claims it works, for me, Not at all.

3. Holding him down time out- I sit him on my lap where he cant get up, this resluts in injuries on me. He is getting to big and to strong.

4. Talking to him- I've tried calmly explaining to him what he is doing is wrong and why he shouldnt do it. SOMETIMES works, but not often.

5. Screaming- I mean scary top of my lungs screaming, he isnt scared, he just yells back.

6. spanking- I swore I would never spank my children but i ran out of ideas, and gave in. He cried for a second, still didn't listen then when i threatned it agian he laughed, bent over and said do it!

 

I dont know what to do, or why hes acting out this way. Nothing has changed in his life (besides new siblings, maybe thats it?) But hes usuaully really good with them, he loves, plays, helps them. But randomly in the day he snaps and goes on these rages!

Replies

  • OliviasMommy611
    April 5, 2013 at 4:09 PM
    Oh my no advice but bump!
  • OliviasMommy611
    April 5, 2013 at 4:09 PM
    And I'm sorry!
  • goddess99
    April 5, 2013 at 4:13 PM

    When all else failed I would put my dd's prized possession outside. You'd be surprised at how fast the foolishness would end when there was a risk of someone taking Fluffy lol.

  • MistressMinerva
    April 5, 2013 at 4:15 PM

    Oh my.

  • Mrsmumofboys
    April 5, 2013 at 4:19 PM

    oh dear hun i can see why your at the end of your teather have you tried putting him in his room & closing the door for him to think about things? i have had to do this many a time, also taking things away & we have used a penny pot to everytime he does as he's told he gets to put a penny in the pot & if he doesn't pennies get taken out. I do believe it's a stage they all go through. I hope you can get it sorted x It sounds like he's jealous a little bit because of new siblings my eldest did alot of these things when my youngest came into our lives i'm afraid you may just have to grin & bare it. If it worsen i'd say take him to the drs as they could be something else under lining all of it x

  • SlapItHigh
    April 5, 2013 at 4:19 PM

    You have to ditch all of these attempts at coersion and manipulation and realize that your child's brain hasn't developed to the point of being capable of being the person you want him to become.  This is simple biology/physiology.  Correct, lead and direct but realize that he will keep doing the wrong thing until he gets it over time along with brain development. Look into the prefrontal cortex function at age 3.  You can't control another human being.  Just keep showing him the way and reframe your expectations.  He's not going to get it all at age 3.

  • OliviasMommy611
    April 5, 2013 at 4:21 PM
    Yes!

    Quoting MistressMinerva:

    Oh my.

  • momamanda
    April 5, 2013 at 11:36 PM

    Oh Honey! I have been there! it is not fun for sure! It's stressful, pulling your hair out, wanting to run away craziness! 3 is a terrible age!! They say terrible 2's but I don't believe it 3 is just as bad if not worse. They are smarter, stronger but just as stubborn. 1 thing about 3 year olds is they are curious! I once walked in on my son at 3 pouring water into a cup in the bathroom from the sink and dumping it in the toliet. It's like he was thinking "How many cups will it take to fill the toliet?" Most of what they do is out of curiousity and sometimes it can help both parent and child, If we as moms stop before we get upset and think what would make him think to do that? Like unrolling a roll of toliet paper or dumping cereal out of a box,

    Yes throwing toys are unexceptable and needs to be disciplined. Time out is tough and I have always used the  supernanny method it's hard to do and exhausting sometimes but is effective and does teach them how to sit in time out, If you don't know what it is I will explain it to you. You choose a spot, I use a little rug in my hallway. You explain that is it the naughty rug and he will sit there for 3 minutes (1 min for every age). When he gets in trouble You tell him you are going to time out for "fill in the blank". Put him on the rug get on his level and explain to him that you want him to sit there. If he gets up the first time you tell him I do not want you to get  up you are in time out stay there. after that do not say a word! pick him up and put him back. Time does not start until he sits. I have done this for up to an hour before but I have not had to do it to many times. eventually they learn to just sit and get the timeout over with. after time out you ask them to tell you why they were in timeout and why they had to stay longer if the did. have them say sorry and lots of hugs and loves.

    NEVER hold your child down. It has been proven that holding them down for time out can cause OCD.

    Spanking- My kids are older now. 5,7,9. If I place my 7 and 9 year old in time out I don't have problems usually. My 5 year old still fights but I feel she is old enough to know better then to get up so she gets popped on her bottom or leg if she moves out of time out. I only have to pop her 2-3 times and she stays. she is a stubborn stinker....let me tell you! I will pop my kids mouths if they talk back or say things they are not suppose to like "I hate you" or the bad words they have learned recently...ugh!

    another thing that works well is taking things away. If he throws the toy he looses it! take it away hide it and he doesn't get it back for a couple days. I do this when I clean up in the evenings. I say the maid is comming either get your stuff or the maid is going to take it. Whatever was left out after the time limit given got picked up in  a laundry basket and taken away for a week.

    talking and warnings are good for this age. Sometimes 3 year olds do not understand why what they are doing  is wrong. Let's say your 3 year old got a marker and colored on the wall. he sees empty canvas pretty marker. Instead of yelling get on his level and say " we cannot color on the wall because when we color on the wall and it doesn't wash off then it doesn't look very nice. It's better to color on paper then we hang the picture on the wall. that way we can have a new picture all the time not the same one every day." Then you would have him help you wash it off. have him color it again on paper and find a good place to hang it.

    Parenting takes Patience we don't even know we have. I am so far from perfect patience but my kids have taught me so much patience. You're doing a great job! All we can do is the best we know how. Hope you can find something that works for you!

  • Mrs.Bolin
    April 6, 2013 at 12:45 AM

    Keep being consistant with time-out. It might take all day but oh well.Putting in his room does nothing. His room shouldnt be a place for punishment. He has got to learn. Sit him on a chair or make him put his nose in the corner. Stand behind him and be stern. I would swat that lil but if he tried to hit me. That kind of behavior in my house is not tollerated and my 4 yr old knows better. They are smarter than you think and you CANT let them take over you. Take his favorite thing away for a day and explain to him that if he behaves he can have it back at the end of the day. Let him help you through out the day. He can be your special helper. Get this kid involved. Stay posistive around him. Let him help out with little sibbling. DONT GIVE IN TO HIM and send him to his room. You can do it. He WILL learn. Hope it gets better for ya ;)

  • PriteeFlower
    April 6, 2013 at 7:18 PM
    Talk to your pediatrician he could be struggling with dad being gone and the siblings. Good luck.
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