Mom to Mom

So.... Relationship advice?
February 19, 2013 at 4:24 AM

Okay, so here's our story.....

Beginning of senior year, My best friend, E, convinces me to go to a college party. She ditches me and I cant find her. So i go get a few drinks. Im feeling a bit tipsy, and meet J. He helps me upstairs to his room.... we get there and for some reason i think its a good idea to try to make out with him. He gladly goes along with it until things get a bit heated. Telling me he doesn't want to take advantage of me he stops.... After i sober up a bit, we sit in his room and talk, for hours, getting to know one another.It feels like a dream to me. He was perfect! When it gets to be around 1 or 2, we exchange #s and I go drag my drunk ass bestie home... for the Next week we text each other constantly, flirting and crap. He asks me out finally. I say yes. so we date for a couple weeks. I thought I loved him. So i told him. He replied with 'Me too.' Well, that night, was the first we had sex. I lost my virginity to him. From then on, We occasionally went on dates, but it was mostly a sexual relationship. I still thought I was comepletely and totally in love. I thought he was perfect. He was my world.... A few days before xmas, I find out I'm pregnant. I'm worried, but exstatic. I was a stupid teenager who expects everything will turn out perfect. That we'll get married and be the perfect family. That he wont get upset, we wont have financial issues, my parents wont mind. So, being cute, I get a little present box, put the pregnancy test in there (actually the multiple pg tests) and when he opens it on xmas, I say 'merry christmas baby, we're pregnant!' He smiles, hugs me and kisses my tummy. Then he literally was the perfect guy, we moved into an apartment, he was always kissing my belly, talking about how excited he was about the baby. Well, I went for my first ultrasound. They told me it was triplets. I was in shock. So i drove home and waited for him. (he was at work) When he came home He walked into the living room, kissed me, normal stuff. Then he noticed something was up. "Babe, whats wrong? Is peanut alright?" I nodded. "Yeah, of course peanut is alright.... Its just..... PeanutSSSS" He was confused. "As in more than one!" He about fainted and his eyes got sooo wide. I started crying. He held me and when he could finally talk, he asked how many. "Three... How are we gonna do this J? We couldn't even afford One!" He shrugged and looked upset. Then he said he was going to bed. He didn't speak again for the next few days. He was still in shock. When he finally came out of the funk, he came home from school one day and sat down on the couch next to me and said "Babe, I don't think I can do this anymore. I think We'd be better off if we split up, cuz i dont love you anymore." "What?!" "I-I'll do anything for the babies, I'll work all day, I'll quit school! I think we can do this, just not... Together." I nodded, and walked out of the apartment. I went home to my mother and she gladly gave me and my babies a home. We're still here to this day. 

The triplets are now 7 months old. And I just got off the phone with J. He wants to get back together. He says he's ready for us to be a family again. That he loves me and he never stopped. He just wasnt ready for the responsibility. I dont know what to think about this, but I cant stop thinking about it. Should i trust him again? Should I drop everything for him? After he shattered my heart in my time of need? Idk what to think..... So I need your opinions. <3 thanks mamas. *btw sorry for the length.... I get a bit carried away.*

*********** UPDATE **************   Just thought I'd let you ladies know, J and I are gonna go out on sunday, and see where things take us. We had a long talk about what we want and what happened and all that. :) He understands, and we're going to try to work it out. ********************************


  • TripletMama180
    February 19, 2013 at 4:47 AM


  • Nikaniko
    February 19, 2013 at 5:09 AM
    Leave him be. You didn't get a chance to say whoa I'm not ready and then pop back into your mate and children's lives at will. I think he was selfish and scared or not he chickened out ans made his decision.
  • TripletMama180
    February 19, 2013 at 5:28 AM

    Well, he's always been in the kids lives... We just weren't together. He truly is a good father and does everything he can for them. :/ 

    Quoting Nikaniko:

    Leave him be. You didn't get a chance to say whoa I'm not ready and then pop back into your mate and children's lives at will. I think he was selfish and scared or not he chickened out ans made his decision.

  • Shaybay218
    February 19, 2013 at 5:42 AM

    I'd stay right with my family...He didnt love you anymore one'll happen again...If you want to take him it...just don't leave your moms house to be with him for awhile

  • TripletMama180
    February 19, 2013 at 6:19 AM

    Thanks for the advice. :) I've been thinking about that, and I'm sure your right and I'm just being nieve, but a part of me hopes its different this time, ya'know? :/ 

    Quoting Shaybay218:

    I'd stay right with my family...He didnt love you anymore one'll happen again...If you want to take him it...just don't leave your moms house to be with him for awhile

  • goddess99
    February 19, 2013 at 9:58 AM

    I would be very cautious. He would have to prove alot to me before I would even consider getting back together.

  • shortcakes13
    February 19, 2013 at 10:02 AM
    I would be cautious... I would stay living with your mom...I would make him work for it... make him court you and prove that he wants to be part of the family.. I would not jump into anything... take your time...
  • owllovescupcake
    February 19, 2013 at 10:37 AM

    Flat out and i know its easy said than done forget him as a spouse as a lover, let him be the dad but nothing but that to you if you get back you are weak in his eyes he knows that he can treat you like that and then you'll always take him back let the babies see your a strong amazing mom and woman but dont let him hurt you sorry i sound so angry and jaded in this post but that is really low what he did he had a choice and he walked away girls don't get that choice he couldn't handle it so he lets you handle it all ? Listen what ever you do chose its your heart don't let people sway you go with your gut just look at all the perspectives.

  • SlapItHigh
    February 19, 2013 at 10:39 AM
    My opinion is to both build a foundation of faith and seek a church. Pray for discernment and if you decide to be with him, get married.
  • MomofHDFandNWF
    February 19, 2013 at 10:56 AM

    I would say that you need to trust your instinct.  Whatever you decide to do, can I offer a few pointers?

    1)Don't jump right back into a relationship with him... Take it slow.  Explain to him how much what he did/didn't do for you and your kiddos hurt you and you are not sure if you can trust him not to do it again.

    2)Don't move you and your kiddos out of your mom's house until you are sure he is not going to get "overwhelmed" again and walk away again.

    3)Maybe consider pre-marital (if you are going to go down that road) counseling, or at the very least couples counseling to make sure you are on the same page.

    There is nothing saying you can't forgive him, and he can't be a party of your LOs (and your) life.  But, don't drop everything for him, and don't forget what he did to you originally.  You can forgive him, and make it work, but don't forget and try not to put yourself in that situation again....

    Everyone makes mistakes, some of us those mistakes are bigger than others.  Whether this will work out for you two depends on how much effort and time you are willing to put into it.  Follow your heart, but make sure you use your head too!


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