Mom to Mom

So.... Relationship advice?
February 19, 2013 at 4:24 AM

Okay, so here's our story.....

Beginning of senior year, My best friend, E, convinces me to go to a college party. She ditches me and I cant find her. So i go get a few drinks. Im feeling a bit tipsy, and meet J. He helps me upstairs to his room.... we get there and for some reason i think its a good idea to try to make out with him. He gladly goes along with it until things get a bit heated. Telling me he doesn't want to take advantage of me he stops.... After i sober up a bit, we sit in his room and talk, for hours, getting to know one another.It feels like a dream to me. He was perfect! When it gets to be around 1 or 2, we exchange #s and I go drag my drunk ass bestie home... for the Next week we text each other constantly, flirting and crap. He asks me out finally. I say yes. so we date for a couple weeks. I thought I loved him. So i told him. He replied with 'Me too.' Well, that night, was the first we had sex. I lost my virginity to him. From then on, We occasionally went on dates, but it was mostly a sexual relationship. I still thought I was comepletely and totally in love. I thought he was perfect. He was my world.... A few days before xmas, I find out I'm pregnant. I'm worried, but exstatic. I was a stupid teenager who expects everything will turn out perfect. That we'll get married and be the perfect family. That he wont get upset, we wont have financial issues, my parents wont mind. So, being cute, I get a little present box, put the pregnancy test in there (actually the multiple pg tests) and when he opens it on xmas, I say 'merry christmas baby, we're pregnant!' He smiles, hugs me and kisses my tummy. Then he literally was the perfect guy, we moved into an apartment, he was always kissing my belly, talking about how excited he was about the baby. Well, I went for my first ultrasound. They told me it was triplets. I was in shock. So i drove home and waited for him. (he was at work) When he came home He walked into the living room, kissed me, normal stuff. Then he noticed something was up. "Babe, whats wrong? Is peanut alright?" I nodded. "Yeah, of course peanut is alright.... Its just..... PeanutSSSS" He was confused. "As in more than one!" He about fainted and his eyes got sooo wide. I started crying. He held me and when he could finally talk, he asked how many. "Three... How are we gonna do this J? We couldn't even afford One!" He shrugged and looked upset. Then he said he was going to bed. He didn't speak again for the next few days. He was still in shock. When he finally came out of the funk, he came home from school one day and sat down on the couch next to me and said "Babe, I don't think I can do this anymore. I think We'd be better off if we split up, cuz i dont love you anymore." "What?!" "I-I'll do anything for the babies, I'll work all day, I'll quit school! I think we can do this, just not... Together." I nodded, and walked out of the apartment. I went home to my mother and she gladly gave me and my babies a home. We're still here to this day. 

The triplets are now 7 months old. And I just got off the phone with J. He wants to get back together. He says he's ready for us to be a family again. That he loves me and he never stopped. He just wasnt ready for the responsibility. I dont know what to think about this, but I cant stop thinking about it. Should i trust him again? Should I drop everything for him? After he shattered my heart in my time of need? Idk what to think..... So I need your opinions. <3 thanks mamas. *btw sorry for the length.... I get a bit carried away.*

*********** UPDATE **************   Just thought I'd let you ladies know, J and I are gonna go out on sunday, and see where things take us. We had a long talk about what we want and what happened and all that. :) He understands, and we're going to try to work it out. ********************************


  • MistressMinerva
    February 19, 2013 at 11:47 AM

    I would take it slow with him but not move back in with him. Just date and be cautious. And maybe in time you can all get back together as a family.

  • Nikaniko
    February 19, 2013 at 12:49 PM
    It's your decision but he should obviously be in the kids life but I would think long and hard about being a couple

    Quoting TripletMama180:

    Well, he's always been in the kids lives... We just weren't together. He truly is a good father and does everything he can for them. :/ 

    Quoting Nikaniko:

    Leave him be. You didn't get a chance to say whoa I'm not ready and then pop back into your mate and children's lives at will. I think he was selfish and scared or not he chickened out ans made his decision.

  • alyssa1
    by alyssa1
    February 19, 2013 at 12:55 PM
    Be careful but I would want to give him a chance because of the babies u going to have to deal with each other anyway so why not try to work it out and be a family
  • Janet
    by Janet
    February 19, 2013 at 2:24 PM

    Quoting Shaybay218:

    I'd stay right with my family...He didnt love you anymore one'll happen again...If you want to take him it...just don't leave your moms house to be with him for awhile

  • mommyof2andTTC
    February 19, 2013 at 5:52 PM

    um he wasn't ready for triplets but you were? oh hell no! i would tell him now you aren't sure... he could kiss my ass for doing that shit... he left you when you needed him most... he sounds like a real jack ass that doesn't deserve you...

  • OliviasMommy611
    February 19, 2013 at 7:16 PM

    Quoting goddess99:

    I would be very cautious. He would have to prove alot to me before I would even consider getting back together.

  • OliviasMommy611
    February 19, 2013 at 7:16 PM
    I agree

    Quoting alyssa1:

    Be careful but I would want to give him a chance because of the babies u going to have to deal with each other anyway so why not try to work it out and be a family
  • Molly2u
    by Molly2u
    February 19, 2013 at 11:44 PM

    Stay with your family as long as you need to. Your family will not advise you what's right for you and your babies. Your family is your rock you found out.  Yes, he was immature and reacted out of fear and selfishness but he is humain and young. At the end of the day he is still the father of your 3 kids. Let him know you need time to think wisely. 

  • splatz
    by splatz
    February 19, 2013 at 11:48 PM
    I agree. Good luck hun!

    Quoting goddess99:

    I would be very cautious. He would have to prove alot to me before I would even consider getting back together.

  • lizard11080
    February 20, 2013 at 7:16 AM

    I've always been told you should follow your heart, but be cautious.  I don't think you should jump into moving in with him and all that.  however, if you do love him, and other than this was generally a decent guy, then start off by seeing him slowly ... getting to know him now as a mother of 3 and see where it goes.  I wouldn't jump into a relationship with him again so quickly though...he left you once, he can do it again and now you not only have yourself to think about but you have your babies.  Best of luck.

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