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proudmumof5
I need help, my 9 yr old daughter is writing suicide letters....
February 18, 2013 at 4:43 PM

Hi my name is Heather, I have 4 beautiful children, 2 of them are step daughters, we all seem to have a great relationship.  I am going thru a divorce and my kids dad gave up guardianship of my daughter to his mom without notifying me because i was going thru a very unstable period.  I have been in full contact with my daughter for a year and things have been really good between us.  But recently, she has written two letters stating she wants to kill herself.  The first one, she said it was because of her teacher (she has a very strict teacher that picks on a few select students and this issue is being addressed by the schoolboard),  but said she had no intentions of following thru.  Then I found out today that she wrote another letter, and this time she has planned something, this time it is the teacher and other things.  I dont know what to do for her,  she doesnt live with me and so I have no say over what happens with her medically, but she does go to therapy, and was just hospitalized in the psychiatric dept. for the second note.  Her grandmother is very manipulative, and admits she alienated me from her for a few years because she thought it was in my daughters best interest.  Im going to see my daughter this week, and i told her that we needed to talk about these letters, but she said her grandmother doesnt want me to talk to her about any of this.  My daughter needs me, and she needs to know I love her no matter what.  But if something were to happen to her, I dont know what Id do.  It is so hard for me to be stuck in this situation.  I have encountered one set back after another trying to get back on my feet so I can get her back, but in the mean time, what do I do to try and keep her in a positive light??? I'm so lost, I never thought I would have to deal with this.  How does a 9 year old think of suicide as an answer to their problems?  I dont have a good support system as my family does not live in the state, so I feel alone.  Any one, please, I need to have someone to talk to that can help me.

Replies

  • saltycoqui
    February 18, 2013 at 6:46 PM
    Am I right in understanding that you are able to talk to her on the phone on a regular basis?
    I see you are also going to visit her. When you do, point out all the positive things. You both get some kind of therapy.
    You can still communicate.
    Teachers are in our lives only temporarily. Come September she'll get a new one.
    She is young and there are lots of good adventures coming her way. Eventually you can share that.
    And love knows overcomes distance and anything else.

    Maybe you can write down a list of the positive things with her. Maybe the negatives too. Most likely the positive one will be longer.
    Good luck.
  • Kellyjude1
    February 18, 2013 at 7:23 PM

     I cannot imagine how you must be feeling.  I think since you are going to see here most importantly let her know she can talk to you about anything and that you will always be there for her.  She needs to be reassured of your love and that you are so glad you have each other.  The grandmother and you should be working together to do whatever it takes to help your daughter.  I do not understand why the grandmother would tell her not to talk to you about the letters.  I just hope no bullying or anything like that is causing these letters.  Finding out why she feels the need to write these letters is most important.  Not sure however what the psychiatirc dept found out when she was there.  I would hope you and the grandmother could possibly talk to get to the bottom of why your daughter may be doing this.  Clearly she is crying out for help and at such an early age it is so sad.  I hope she can feel comfortable enough to open up to you.  Right now being supportive, letting her know your love and just trying to make her feel comfortable talking about her feelings and interest may help form a good bond together.  I hope you can make some connection or break through as to why this may be happening.  Give her lots of hugs and let her know no matter what you are always there for her.  Please keep us all posted.   

  • goddess99
    February 18, 2013 at 7:26 PM

    I would contact the school's Superintendent and tell her/him what's going on. I would also contact the therapist and tell them. Maybe she could get a different teacher. Good Luck.

  • SlapItHigh
    February 18, 2013 at 7:43 PM
    Do you have an amicable relationship with her legal guardian? I'm very sorry this is happening. I would do what you can to get her out of that class.
  • proudmumof5
    February 18, 2013 at 8:31 PM

     

    Yes, I talk to her just about every day except the weekends when she goes to her dads.  Her grandmother limits our convos because she thinks I may be part of the problem, which I know isnt true.  I know my daughter needs me, and we have come a long way.  Im usually very good with advice, but something of this caliber is out of my league, and I thank you for your input, I greatly appreciate it!thank you

    Quoting saltycoqui:

    Am I right in understanding that you are able to talk to her on the phone on a regular basis?
    I see you are also going to visit her. When you do, point out all the positive things. You both get some kind of therapy.
    You can still communicate.
    Teachers are in our lives only temporarily. Come September she'll get a new one.
    She is young and there are lots of good adventures coming her way. Eventually you can share that.
    And love knows overcomes distance and anything else.

    Maybe you can write down a list of the positive things with her. Maybe the negatives too. Most likely the positive one will be longer.
    Good luck.


     

  • proudmumof5
    February 18, 2013 at 8:35 PM

     

    Her grandmother and I do not see eye to eye on  A LOT!   I have gone out of my way to do whatever it takes for my daughter.  Her grandfather and I get along pretty good and he sees that my daughter needs me and she does a lot to help  me with her.  The schooll board has been notified of what is going on and they are reviewing what steps to take.  Thank you thank you

    Quoting SlapItHigh:

    Do you have an amicable relationship with her legal guardian? I'm very sorry this is happening. I would do what you can to get her out of that class.


     

  • proudmumof5
    February 18, 2013 at 8:44 PM

     

    I have been doing everything I possibly can on my end.  Her grandmother has a problem with manipulation and is very controlling.  When i do see my daughter or talk to her on the phone, I always keep it positive, and make plans with her, which I always keep, so that she has something to look forward to.  She has voiced to me that she wants to be with me and that she has thrown a fit a couple times.  The teacher is very strict, but also picks on my daughter and a couple other students, which is being addressed.  Her therapist knows about it all. But where Im not her legal guardian at this point I am stuck as far as what to do.  Her grandmother and I dont agree on medical care, i suggest something and she immediately turns her nose at it.  Im going to be seeing my daughter this week and I told her we needed to talk about this, that I am here for her and that I love her.  She doesnt open up to me on the phone because when her gram hears her there are reprocussions for her, which I can't prove, because my daughter is afraid to tell anyone.  I thank you for your insight and I will keep you posted for sure.  I haven't had luck talking to anyone, and the responses I've received are going to help keep my head up!  Thank you very much!thank you  

    Quoting Kellyjude1:

     I cannot imagine how you must be feeling.  I think since you are going to see here most importantly let her know she can talk to you about anything and that you will always be there for her.  She needs to be reassured of your love and that you are so glad you have each other.  The grandmother and you should be working together to do whatever it takes to help your daughter.  I do not understand why the grandmother would tell her not to talk to you about the letters.  I just hope no bullying or anything like that is causing these letters.  Finding out why she feels the need to write these letters is most important.  Not sure however what the psychiatirc dept found out when she was there.  I would hope you and the grandmother could possibly talk to get to the bottom of why your daughter may be doing this.  Clearly she is crying out for help and at such an early age it is so sad.  I hope she can feel comfortable enough to open up to you.  Right now being supportive, letting her know your love and just trying to make her feel comfortable talking about her feelings and interest may help form a good bond together.  I hope you can make some connection or break through as to why this may be happening.  Give her lots of hugs and let her know no matter what you are always there for her.  Please keep us all posted.   


     

  • proudmumof5
    February 18, 2013 at 8:47 PM

     

    The school board is aware and action is being taken, but where I'm not the guardian they won't listen to me as much as her grandmother which really really bites.  I just want whats best for my daughter and it should be obvious I am doing so.  I am in such a crappy situation and I'm doing all i know how.  Thank you!thank you

    Quoting goddess99:

    I would contact the school's Superintendent and tell her/him what's going on. I would also contact the therapist and tell them. Maybe she could get a different teacher. Good Luck.


     

  • SlapItHigh
    February 18, 2013 at 8:53 PM
    I wish you and your daughter the best.


    Quoting proudmumof5:

     


    Her grandmother and I do not see eye to eye on  A LOT!   I have gone out of my way to do whatever it takes for my daughter.  Her grandfather and I get along pretty good and he sees that my daughter needs me and she does a lot to help  me with her.  The schooll board has been notified of what is going on and they are reviewing what steps to take.  Thank you thank you


    Quoting SlapItHigh:

    Do you have an amicable relationship with her legal guardian? I'm very sorry this is happening. I would do what you can to get her out of that class.



     


  • proudmumof5
    February 18, 2013 at 8:55 PM

     

    Thank you! I will be on here keeping updates going.  I think I found the place to come to talk!  simple smile

    Quoting SlapItHigh:

    I wish you and your daughter the best.


    Quoting proudmumof5:

     


    Her grandmother and I do not see eye to eye on  A LOT!   I have gone out of my way to do whatever it takes for my daughter.  Her grandfather and I get along pretty good and he sees that my daughter needs me and she does a lot to help  me with her.  The schooll board has been notified of what is going on and they are reviewing what steps to take.  Thank you thank you


    Quoting SlapItHigh:

    Do you have an amicable relationship with her legal guardian? I'm very sorry this is happening. I would do what you can to get her out of that class.

     


     



     

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