Featured Posts
mna_823
PIOG need help with my 4 year old **update 02/08/13**
by mna_823
February 7, 2013 at 6:16 PM

   DD is 4 years old, she is usually very well mannered and polite (we usually get compliments on her when we're out in public), well these past 2 weeks she has been a little terror.

  She won't listen at day care...or she does and then turns around and does whatever she wasn't supposed to do when she thinks nobody is looking.  She also won't mind/listen at home.

  We have taken away literally all of her toys because of her behavior and explained to her why, then had her explain to us why they were being taken away.  We have put her in the corner and have raised our voices with her (something that I'm not proud of).

  I am pregnant and due next month.  We have involved her in as much as we can with the pregnancy, she's looked at the ultrasounds, we keep on telling her that she's going to be such a good big sister.  We're having to move her into a bigger room and she's helping decorate it, she's helping with the nursery as well.  So I don't think that she feel left out.  I just am at a loss as to what to do......HELP!

 

**Update**

  I have decided that she is going to start with a clean slate.  We had a talk this morning and I reassured her that I love her very much, she'll always be my baby no matter how old she gets, and that when new people come into our lives that our hearts just get bigger and bigger, that way everyone gets loved.  She was her old self this morning, it was a very nice change.  Thanks for the advice mommas! 

 

Replies

  • goddess99
    February 7, 2013 at 7:14 PM

    Is she being picked on at day care? Itherwise I would say it's still the pregnancy. Idk...? Hopefully her behavior goes back to normal soon.

  • aprilz1225
    February 7, 2013 at 7:39 PM

     try to spend some "special big sisters only get to do this" time together it may help. she may sense a change now more than expected with the new addition. are you have'n a boy?

    Good luck congrats

  • AshleyAlteman
    February 7, 2013 at 7:55 PM
    I myself am dealing with a similar situation with my five year old. I believe it has something to do with the fact that she has only two other girls in her class. As we know, three is a horrible number for a group of girls when you are little... Or for that matter, any age. Two girls always end up being closer and naturally, one gets pushed aside. The latter has happened with my daughter. We are also trying everything in our power to mainly, help with her self confidence from this issue. Try switching it up a bit maybe? Do something you don't normally do...not necessarily to reward bad behavior but to try something other than punishment of the toys being taken away or a time out. Maybe go for a walk and try to collect the neatest looking rock or leaf. Maybe make it an after dinner ritual and keep a jar with the beautiful new rocks or make an evolving collage of the new leafs you collect. This may help to redirect the negative energy she is bursting out in the only way she knows how. Just a thought. I just actually wrote about my experience with my daughter today and created a blog to post it on. It's very simple.. Just one post so far :) maybe you can read my experience with my daughter too and possibly have an idea for me as well! :) good luck! -Ashley
    www.wholesometots.com
  • mna_823
    by mna_823
    February 8, 2013 at 12:25 AM


    Quoting aprilz1225:

     try to spend some "special big sisters only get to do this" time together it may help. she may sense a change now more than expected with the new addition. are you have'n a boy?

    Good luck congrats

    thanks. We've been on mommy daughter dates but the big sister thing is a good idea. And yes, I'm having a boy. 

  • orngblsm
    February 8, 2013 at 5:23 AM
    I would be a little more patient and understanding with her, and not so quick to discipline. Even with having her help make decisions, her entire world is still being turned upside down in a very short time frame. She could be having anxiety over the coming baby and feeling displaced, especially with having to move into another room. She is not feeling left out, she is feeling replaced - both in your affections and in her place in the family. In her little 4-year-old mind, she sees a coming interloper who will be taking mommy away from her and who has kicked her out of her room. She is testing you right now to see if you will still love her in spite of her behavior. She doesn't have the reasoning capability to fully understand that she gets the bigger room because she is older and that mommy will still love her no matter what. Personally, I would back off on the punishments, at this point they are counterproductive. The next time she doesn't mind, give her a hug, tell her you love her anyway even though you are not happy with her behavior, and talk with her. That means she gets to talk and you get to really listen. Ask her how she really feels about the baby, the room change, and everything inbetween - then listen without comment. If you can get her talking, you will be surprised at what you hear. Just don't expect her to rationalize and think like and adult, she won't. She is only four. I have five kids, so have been down this road four times. What worked best for me was focusing on them and their perceptions, not on what "experts" told me to do to keep them feeling included. For the next few weeks, stop telling her that she will be a good big sister and instead tell her how much you love her and how she will always be your little girl and that nothing can change that (including her behavior). Let her know that love is limitless, just because there will be a new baby to love doesn't mean that mommy will love her any less. (Time is another issue, and that is where special time with mom comes in.) As physical ability allows, spend extra one-on-one time with her now before the baby comes. How you handle things now will determine how soon you get your sweet girl back afterward. Good luck and congrats on your coming addition.
  • January1964
    February 8, 2013 at 5:30 AM

    What about trying a "ticket reward system"? Together, you decide what kind of prizes she wants to earn. Then make a list of behavior that would earn a ticket, such as listening to you, eating her dinner without being reminded to eat (for example, if that's a problem, it could be ticket-worthy), going to bed without crying, behaving in daycare. For example, if she has a good day and minds you, she earns a ticket. These tickets are kept in a jar or some kind of container. Decide how many she has to earn for a prize. For example, 10 tickets could earn a book or a small toy. Do you think that would work?

  • aprilz1225
    February 8, 2013 at 8:22 AM

     ah that could be part of the prob.. my son followed my SIL around like a little puppy wanting her attention while preg.. she was have'n a girl. My other SIL he wanted nothing to do with no hugs no talking to her, would not listen to her.. she had a boy.

    Quoting mna_823:


    Quoting aprilz1225:

     try to spend some "special big sisters only get to do this" time together it may help. she may sense a change now more than expected with the new addition. are you have'n a boy?

    Good luck congrats

    thanks. We've been on mommy daughter dates but the big sister thing is a good idea. And yes, I'm having a boy. 

     

  • Janet
    by Janet
    February 8, 2013 at 9:33 AM

    I agree!

    Quoting orngblsm:

    I would be a little more patient and understanding with her, and not so quick to discipline. Even with having her help make decisions, her entire world is still being turned upside down in a very short time frame. She could be having anxiety over the coming baby and feeling displaced, especially with having to move into another room. She is not feeling left out, she is feeling replaced - both in your affections and in her place in the family. In her little 4-year-old mind, she sees a coming interloper who will be taking mommy away from her and who has kicked her out of her room. She is testing you right now to see if you will still love her in spite of her behavior. She doesn't have the reasoning capability to fully understand that she gets the bigger room because she is older and that mommy will still love her no matter what. Personally, I would back off on the punishments, at this point they are counterproductive. The next time she doesn't mind, give her a hug, tell her you love her anyway even though you are not happy with her behavior, and talk with her. That means she gets to talk and you get to really listen. Ask her how she really feels about the baby, the room change, and everything inbetween - then listen without comment. If you can get her talking, you will be surprised at what you hear. Just don't expect her to rationalize and think like and adult, she won't. She is only four. I have five kids, so have been down this road four times. What worked best for me was focusing on them and their perceptions, not on what "experts" told me to do to keep them feeling included. For the next few weeks, stop telling her that she will be a good big sister and instead tell her how much you love her and how she will always be your little girl and that nothing can change that (including her behavior). Let her know that love is limitless, just because there will be a new baby to love doesn't mean that mommy will love her any less. (Time is another issue, and that is where special time with mom comes in.) As physical ability allows, spend extra one-on-one time with her now before the baby comes. How you handle things now will determine how soon you get your sweet girl back afterward. Good luck and congrats on your coming addition.

     

Active Posts in All Groups
More Active Posts
Featured Posts in All Groups
More Featured Posts
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN