Mom to Mom

New car or Used car (AKA Am I being totally unreasonable)
February 4, 2013 at 2:56 PM

My bf (25) and I (28) have twin 2 year olds. We are currently in his spare old sedan that has 230K+ miles on it and a broken gas gauge. Besides all that I simply, desperately need a larger vehicle. Thanks to some good bookings last year and planning ahead I am due to get back a decent amount from taxes. I am planning on spending a good portion of that on a new-to-me mommy vehicle (suv or mini-van). Nothing extravagant. Just something to house all of their stuff and is safe/comfortable to travel long distances. He threw a fit when I mentioned my plan. He knows I have been dreaming of the new Prius V and can not understand why I wouldn't just take out a loan to get one instead of "some old used gas guzzler". Well yeah I have been dreaming of it but that's dreams are for! I know one day I will be in a position to comfortably afford a "dream" car but right now I don't feel that is responsible.

Here's the thing, I do not like bills and do not do buy things on credit. I had identity theft in college and as a result I have no credit. I esspecially do not like bills that I do not know in advance will get paid regularly. See, neither of us is steadily employed. I am mostly a sahm living with family since before the girls were born. I also work in the film industry but jobs are not always consistent. He is in the same industry I am but on the side works various jobs in another city. Money is always tight. He would rather us trade in his car (one that was given to him by his family. not the one I am driving.), use my whole refund (he won't get back much since I am claiming the girls), and take out a loan for the difference.

He says he has been talking to his family about assisting in getting the loan. I thanked him for thinking of my desire for the dream car but um... Call me a bitch but it really doesn't help in my mind. Actually it kinda makes it worse. I do not want to feel like I owe his family on top of owing the bank.

So here's my question: After all I the information have given (and I reminded him of the same details to which he responded "I have nothing to say to you"), in your honest opinion am I being unreasonable? I know as women we can be a bit stubborn but I just don't think I'm wrong on this. 

*A little backstory since I know how cafemom works :)  He left me for another girl before finding out I was preg so understandably there are some definite trust issues. Since then he has been back and forth with me but mostly present for the girls. That said, up until 4 months ago he has only contributed randomly to the financial aspect of parenting so I don't feel he fully understand all that goes into the expenses of raising them and I know that is partially on me. We are now back together and have been for a few months. He acknowledges his monetary shortcomings in the past but says it's entirely my fault now as I will not agree to move in with him 6 hours away. I am glad he is dedicated to rebuilding what we lost and we spend at least 2 weeks with him there a month. However, as I see it we are now  working through a whole lot of issues and our relationship. Uprooting the girls from the only stable family they have known to move into a house where the parents are struggling is not healthy (not to mention the fact that the city he is in has the highest crime rate in the state) and inviting another bill into the mix will not help the situation. I could be wrong but that is what I feel.*

*Sorry for the rambling long read*


  • zacmacsmomm
    February 4, 2013 at 3:08 PM

    personally I think you are making a good decision, sounds like he's being a whiney little girl

  • TotallyTweedles
    February 4, 2013 at 3:10 PM

    I really do appreciate the thought but as I see it, as far as my finaces since having twins, if I need a loan to buy it then I can not afford it. Simple enough.

  • goddess99
    February 4, 2013 at 5:32 PM

    I think your plan to just buy what you can afford for now is a good plan. You might find a really nice used suv. Why have a loan payment if you honestly don't need one.

  • Janet
    by Janet
    February 4, 2013 at 5:39 PM
    I think you are totally right. You are a smart mama!
  • MistressMinerva
    February 4, 2013 at 7:01 PM

    I think your totally right.

  • MichelleMc
    February 4, 2013 at 7:24 PM

    You are totally right. Unless we can't help it, I refuse to have another loan payment.

  • boshs1andonly
    February 4, 2013 at 7:28 PM

    Buying what you can afford is never a bad plan. Taking aside that you don't want to owe his family (which I get) I don't see why there's an issue with you not wanting to take out a loan. 

  • 2cadifference
    February 4, 2013 at 7:32 PM

    I was all for get the new one really owns a brand new car, you will own the used car the bank let you drive for 5 yrs. But then I get to the backstory...You get what you know you can handle on your own. Don't make someone else put you in a spot. A new car is nice BUT a used car is just as nice. A car is only new for a year...and I have set at red lights and been in a used and wished I was in the new...Now I am (was) in the new and damn that paid for car looks damn nice when I am thinking about $500 a month for just mine and that was all car and a trade in. =(. So you do what you want...and don't underestimate things falling into your lap. =)

  • TotallyTweedles
    February 4, 2013 at 8:03 PM

    Thank you ladies so much!! It helps me feel that it's okay to go with my gut instinct.

    I just wanted to make sure I was not being overly unreasonable or something because he got really upset by it. He later texted apologizing and saying he just couldn't understand why I would have a problem with a loan if we were both doing it to get in a nice "family car". He really is an awesome guy and I love him like crazy. He just doesn't always seem to think forward when it comes to finances.

    That said, truth be told, I still have a lot of trust issues and I guess part of me is kinda worried that although he is here now he may not be in the future. I want to make sure I can handle things alone and an additional $300+ a month is not something I can currently handle alone. There have been months that I've fallen a bit late with paying for my phone because the girls went through a growth spurt and needed new clothes/shoes. He still can't seem to fully understand that. He takes any mention of the fact that I have taken on more than the bulk of expenses in the past as a jab. So I guess this is just something I'm going to have to learn to deal with.

    Thanks again!

  • MichelleMc
    February 4, 2013 at 9:34 PM

    I totally see your side, and really taking him out of the picture. I just don't see the loans. Throwing interest away to get something that looks better for a small amount of time, no for sures it will be better for longer, having that payment, etc. They lose value the moment you sign your name. So I think it is just smarter to stick with no payment, and staying that way, the past aside :)

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