Mom to Mom

January 29, 2013 at 5:22 PM

My son is 10 months old sorry not 8, I met my boyfriend when I first got pregnant. His biological father don't want nothing to do with him nor me, he dont think its his son, we have not done a dna test, because I dont want him in the picture. I think he will be a bad roll model. My boyfriend has been a great daddy to him, but do you think I should continue with Mark(boyfriend) as his father or should I contact his biological father and give him a chance to be there for him and give Spencer(my son) the chance to know his father. I dont want him to get older and find out I have been lying and then hate Mark or worse hate me. So Please help me.. I have no Idea what to do!!!


  • artistmom27
    February 2, 2013 at 9:05 AM

    There are 3 circumstances where you will be forced to establish paternity. If you choose to file for child support, they will force you to establish paternity. If you go on public assistance, they are going to go after the dad and that will force the paternity issue. Lastly, if the bio dad comes back and wants to be involved, he can force the issue of paternity and get the courts involved in it. 

    Quoting BLHSWH2012:

    I do not have to do a dna test. If I say he isnt the father then as a mother I have the right to deny the test, there is no court ordered dna test from a man. I do not have to do the test

    Quoting splatz:

    Call your local DHS office or court house & see what they advise. I guarantee LYING on a legal document will not be their recommendation.

    Btw... If down the line baby daddy chose to pop into the picture & it is found out you lied on a legal document (knowing its not your bfs child & saying it is on the bc) & said that is not his child you can get into major trouble for that. 

    Quoting BLHSWH2012:

    Okay, So how would I go about contacting his biologiical father. Should I just pic up the phone and call him. or should I show up at his door step.

    Quoting GabeAiyAra:

    I went through this same thing. I was 4 months pregnant with my daughter when my man & i got together. Her dad didnt wana have nothin to do with her. i asked him "will this be a decision u regret for the rest of ur life?" he said yes. i told him to just try and be there. We had his rights all put on paper & everything. he has not seen her since Dec 22,2011. It has been over a year. I am giving up. AT least she will always know that mama tried. it wasnt nothing i could control and when she sees that, she will know we did a good thing for her by giving her a daddy who loves and cares for her like she is his own. she will always have that "why dont he love me or want me" thing bcuz of her biological dad. i will tell her when she is old enuf to understand it all. I will never lie to my daughter & I will never keep her from any of her biological dad's family. She is theirs too, whether he wants to be in her life or not! She stays with her gma & papa at least one weekend a month & has absolutely no contact with her biological dad.

    so, no, you shouldnt ever lie to your child. thats cause for them to resent or hate you. (grew up without a dad & was lied to about why) be honest. try with the other guy. you can always get supervised visits if trust or well being is an issue.

    wish you all the best! :)

  • la_bella_vita
    February 2, 2013 at 10:01 PM


    Quoting Janet:

     If he finds out you lied to him he will be awful upset. You will have to tell him the truth in the future.


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