Mom to Mom
My son is 10 months old sorry not 8, I met my boyfriend when I first got pregnant. His biological father don't want nothing to do with him nor me, he dont think its his son, we have not done a dna test, because I dont want him in the picture. I think he will be a bad roll model. My boyfriend has been a great daddy to him, but do you think I should continue with Mark(boyfriend) as his father or should I contact his biological father and give him a chance to be there for him and give Spencer(my son) the chance to know his father. I dont want him to get older and find out I have been lying and then hate Mark or worse hate me. So Please help me.. I have no Idea what to do!!!
Replies
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For me.. the biggest mistake you can make as a parent, and the biggest disrespect is to have your child call anyone else dad or mom. Especially just a boyfriend. If you want his dad involved great. If not, why does he need to call anyone dad? -
He is already calling my boyfriend Dada and I am sorry he is 10 months.. and His biological fathe risnt on the birth certificate but Mark wants to be, he wants to be his father and wants to be there for him, He has his own son who is 4 and I love him to death, so is it wrong for me to have another Father be his father.
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Yes it is wrong, especially so young and especially if your boyfriend didn't adopt your son. Your son will eventually find out the truth and will end up resenting you for lying to him. If he doesn't believe he is the father, then get a DNA test. If he finds out that he is your son's father, he could change his attitude. Don't punish your child just because you don't like his dad. -
After my son turns one we are sending in the birth certificate with Marks name on it. We havnt yet sent it in, but but he is adopting him. we have it filt out, just havnt sent it out.
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If he finds out you lied to him he will be awful upset. You will have to tell him the truth in the future.
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Dad and father are not always the same. Your significant other can keep the role of dad without you lying about the child's biological father.
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I don't know where you live, but here, stepparent adoption is a process. When are you two getting married?
Quoting BLHSWH2012:
After my son turns one we are sending in the birth certificate with Marks name on it. We havnt yet sent it in, but but he is adopting him. we have it filt out, just havnt sent it out.
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All I really want to do is the right thing, I dont want to hurt Mark nor Spencer, I havnt talked to Mark about this yet, but I wanted to get some advise and figure out how to go about telling him, and I dont want to share my son with him, his biological father and his family are not stable, nor are they able to take care of a baby. I just dont want my son taken from me. I want whats best for my son, and what I think is best is for him is to be with me and people who care about him. His biological father has gotten 4 girl in the past pregant and knew he was the father but denies it and then leaves them, I did not find this out until after I had gotten pregnant.
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Were not yet, we were just going to put him on the bc as he is the father. we r just going to put him down. and him sign it.
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Well I think differently. There are a few different people in my lives & a personal experience that I know about.
A. Your child is 8 months old. It isn't an issue right now. This is not a discussion you have with someone under 7 or 8, but anyway...
B. As you said, you aren't for sure on his bio dad & his name isn't on the birth certificate. Blood is NOT everything & I get so sick & tired of people thinking it is. The dad doesn't want anything to do with him, later in life, the child can know the truth for medical purposes but my gosh, that is it.
If your boyfriend wants to adopt your child, then, it is a process & that is great. Let him be the dad. Later in life, I would say honestly not before 10, I would have that talk with the child, so that they know. Where they can honestly reason. It isn't a lie. Just because his dad isn't his bio/sperm donor doesn't mean a thing. That is his dad. You can tell him in a loving way & why it went. It isn't lying & there should be NO resentment. Neither case that was the issue at all. It isn't lying.