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BLHSWH2012
IS IT RIGHT I AM LYING TO MY SON????
January 29, 2013 at 5:22 PM

My son is 10 months old sorry not 8, I met my boyfriend when I first got pregnant. His biological father don't want nothing to do with him nor me, he dont think its his son, we have not done a dna test, because I dont want him in the picture. I think he will be a bad roll model. My boyfriend has been a great daddy to him, but do you think I should continue with Mark(boyfriend) as his father or should I contact his biological father and give him a chance to be there for him and give Spencer(my son) the chance to know his father. I dont want him to get older and find out I have been lying and then hate Mark or worse hate me. So Please help me.. I have no Idea what to do!!!

Replies

  • kiriis
    by kiriis
    January 30, 2013 at 3:00 AM
    My 3 year old was raised by my SO, and calls him Daddy. However, he knows his bio father as well. While he doesn't want anything to do with my son mow that SO is in the picture, I will not lie to my son about his real dad. He will see him for who he is on his own with no help from me.
  • MommyKir
    January 30, 2013 at 3:19 AM

    Then no what your doing is not wrong.  Though I still say just ask him to sign his rights over... a one time thing and he will never hear from you again. 


    Quoting BLHSWH2012:

    Yes, he knows. He told me he dont belive me and dont want a dna test done he told me not to bother with one and if I contact him again about it then there will be consiquinced. and knowing him, there will be. And to me I feel what I am doing is the right thing for him. 

     

    Quoting MommyKir:

    1. Does the fater know about the child? If not you have to tell him, he has a right to have a choice. 2. if he doesnt want to know his sonthen have him sign his rights over to your bf, and your bf can adopt your son. Suck u your own issues and do whats right for your child.

     

     


     

  • butterflyluv916
    January 30, 2013 at 10:25 AM

    I firmly believe you need to tell your son who is real father is and do a dna test to show the man he is your baby's dad he could change and be a great dad to spencer you should give him a chance at least. Your son may resent you for lying to him and not giving his father a chance to be a dad. You don't know if he can be a good dad unless you give him a chance. People can change. As far as letting your son call your boyfriend dad i think its ok as long as you and your boyfriend are really serious together. I knew who my biological dad was and yes my mom gave him a chance to be a dad but he chose not to be but at least she gave him a chance. I called my step dad daddy bc he wanted me too and i wanted too. But like i said i knew who my biological dad was. I think it is very wrong to let your son think that your boyfriend is his biological dad when he is not! You really need to think about this. Good luck!

  • im_2_xblessed
    January 30, 2013 at 4:15 PM
    I told my daughter that the man on her birth certificate isn't her dad(neither one is in her life)
    Back story I got pregnant the night my husband informed me over the phone that he wanted a divorce when he got back to the states....he was stationed in Germany and was abusive so I had no intention of going. But he found a guy in his battalion that he really liked and wanted me to clean house and play wife so he wanted me over there....I told him I was staying in the states where I was safe and hung up) so my sister and went out and I found a guy we dated for 3 months and I found out I was pregnant and I told him he then told me he gives up his rights I told him I want it notarized so it was...and I told her when she was 12 last yr about it. She still loves me and isn't mad at me and while she's my ex at church her opinion of him is low and her biological farther is even lower tell him when he's older and can process it better...just tell him that the man who is raising might not be his actual dad. But mark is better because he loves him and it takes a special man to love him as his own.....when he asks you about tell him the truth till then just let it go when spencer asks when he is older and understands more then tell. But keep track of when you had spencer till the donor asks if he does... And tell him he can start by paying child support from the time of birth till when ever. I'm sure he will decide to give up his rights...I wish you the best of luck
  • BLHSWH2012
    January 30, 2013 at 10:45 PM

    Well, Thank you all for your advise. Me and Mark have made up our mind. Mark is his father, always will be. and there is NO doner. No Biological father, MARK IS. So there is No way Spencer will find out. (HOPEFULLY) So we feel that there is no need to contact any one. But thank you for all the advise.

  • Monica_0812
    January 30, 2013 at 11:46 PM
    I would definetly try to contact his biological father. your son deserves to know who his real father is but if the real father doesn't want to do anything with him then at least you'll know and will be able to tell him when he gets older. I would not involve the child before you know he is sure he wants to be involve in his life.
    Meanwhile if your boyfriend is doing a good job as a father figure I wouldn't chance anything. He needs a father figure in his life besides he knew what he was getting into when he met you so if he loves you he definetly has to love your son because he is part of you.

    Good luck! (:
  • splatz
    by splatz
    January 31, 2013 at 12:30 AM

    Call your local DHS office or court house & see what they advise. I guarantee LYING on a legal document will not be their recommendation.

    Btw... If down the line baby daddy chose to pop into the picture & it is found out you lied on a legal document (knowing its not your bfs child & saying it is on the bc) & said that is not his child you can get into major trouble for that. 

    Quoting BLHSWH2012:

    Okay, So how would I go about contacting his biologiical father. Should I just pic up the phone and call him. or should I show up at his door step.


    Quoting GabeAiyAra:

    I went through this same thing. I was 4 months pregnant with my daughter when my man & i got together. Her dad didnt wana have nothin to do with her. i asked him "will this be a decision u regret for the rest of ur life?" he said yes. i told him to just try and be there. We had his rights all put on paper & everything. he has not seen her since Dec 22,2011. It has been over a year. I am giving up. AT least she will always know that mama tried. it wasnt nothing i could control and when she sees that, she will know we did a good thing for her by giving her a daddy who loves and cares for her like she is his own. she will always have that "why dont he love me or want me" thing bcuz of her biological dad. i will tell her when she is old enuf to understand it all. I will never lie to my daughter & I will never keep her from any of her biological dad's family. She is theirs too, whether he wants to be in her life or not! She stays with her gma & papa at least one weekend a month & has absolutely no contact with her biological dad.

    so, no, you shouldnt ever lie to your child. thats cause for them to resent or hate you. (grew up without a dad & was lied to about why) be honest. try with the other guy. you can always get supervised visits if trust or well being is an issue.

    wish you all the best! :)




  • grneyedormom
    January 31, 2013 at 12:38 AM
    Go about this the legal way. Contact the court to find out how to proceed. Then take the correct steps in doing so.
  • deniumchick
    January 31, 2013 at 1:55 PM

    I thought I would jump on here.  It is obvious that you want to do the right thing for your son!  I know when we become moms, we have this deep sense of responsibility to protect our LOs.  There are no easy answers to what you are going through.  I'm glad that you have found a community here where you can share and receive support from others. 

    Do you have anyone you can talk to in person about this?  I know that with working with Focus on the Family, they have counselors who will talk to you over the phone for free.  They're very kind and understanding and really do want to assist.  You can call 1-855-HELP (4357) weekdays between 6 a.m. and 8 p.m. (MT).  They have been a big help to me!  While they do not offer legal advice, perhaps one of them would have some insight for you.  I can see that you are most concerned about your son's emotional well-being and what is the best thing for him.

    Just some thoughts...

    I will be praying for you and your family!

     

  • Emiliush
    January 31, 2013 at 2:01 PM

    ughh.. tell him when he's ready.. try make your son to call your boyfriend by his name and not by "daddy".

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