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Hi there, I'll try to keep the recap as brief as possible: (I am a married mother of two and older than my sis)
My 28 yo sister is mother to my 1 year old nephew. She's the baby of the family and she's always been very irresponsible and (sometimes criminally) immature. We all kind of held our breath when she told us she was pregnant, hoping that being a mother would make her more responsible/mature, or at the very least that her son wouldn't suffer too much damage. We were sadly disappointed.
1) She was told by our father that after having her son she would need to look for childcare. (Quote: Your mom and I are not going to be a free babysitting service). For SIX months she dropped her son off everyday at my mother's house for upwards of 10-12 hours (to be fair she was usually going to work). When queried about finding permanent daycare she would hem and haw about not being satisfied, needing to consult with fiancee, etc.
2) After being fired from her job (and lying to us about it) she continues to drop her son off with my mother at least once a day so she can "run errands". My father finally put his foot down and told her that she would have to limit it to an hour or two, once or twice a week.
To be honest, she's always been like this. The world revolves around her and she's not afraid to rip apart our family to make sure everything goes her way. We've gradually just accepted her terror and don't ask or expect rational behavior from her. But THIS was my final straw:
On Saturday she decided to take her son into the tanning salon with her. The girl at the front offered to watch my nephew, but my sister declined saying, "I'm not going to close the lid he'll be fine." My nephew proceeds to shimmy behind the tanning bed and stick his hand in the exhaust fan. He's now in the hospital awaiting amputation of his finger. I called my sister to try and express some sympathy (since only a psychopath wouldn't feel bad about allowing their child to be mutilated). I asked her some questions and she was understandably emotional.
I guess my question is this: at what point do I tell my sister to grow the f*** up and be a mother? Pull on the big girl panties and be strong for your son- he gets to be scared and cry, you don't.
Any help/advice would be appreciated. I know I don't have room to list the littany of events that led up to her being classified as completely irresponsible, but I hope you'll trust that I'm not exaggerating. Imagine a stereotypical self-absorbed, Jersey-shore esque, high school dropout with a severe case of the "entitlements" and a compulsive shopping habit.
Replies
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Hugs...hope you are able to work things out....and maybe in some way talk to her.
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I would definitely be talking to her, she doesn't seem to know the 1st thing about parenting. Poor little guy. He deserves alot better than that.
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i dont know if talking to her will help. usually someone who is like what you described will become deffensive and act like you are attacking her but in this case the hospital will probably file something since it could be child neglect/endangerment. I hope for your nephews sake that this event changes something for her and she steps up to being the mother that he needs even though at this point he might be better off in someone elses care. What kinda mother lets something to this extreme happen to their child?
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Hmm, in all honesty someone should try to take her son from her. From experience these type of people never learn and next time something horribly worse can happen. I would tell her to get it together or that baby is being taken away from her.
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Thanks ladies. I really appreciate the support. My brother, a lawyer, checked the law and apparently nothing she did is illegal in our state. My father hinted that he would talk with my sister after her wedding this weekend (yep, still going to have the wedding).
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I totally agree!
Quoting momoftwo902:
i dont know if talking to her will help. usually someone who is like what you described will become deffensive and act like you are attacking her but in this case the hospital will probably file something since it could be child neglect/endangerment. I hope for your nephews sake that this event changes something for her and she steps up to being the mother that he needs even though at this point he might be better off in someone elses care. What kinda mother lets something to this extreme happen to their child?
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Threaten to take the child from her or call cps on her if she does not straighten out.... Time for your family to think about the child and not your sister or her feelings. Your sister is grown and can take care of herself,, that poor child needs someone to look after him.
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That is terrible!!! I would have just kept the kid if I were your mom and dad!! She needs to be told to grow the F up!! No one should be that irresponsible with a child!! That poor baby :(
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Honestly she might just get a wake up call at the hospital. Because the circumcstances surrounding her son getting hurt might have someone on the medical staff calling CPS.
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Well on the grow the f up part and also put the big girl panties I would tell her as of right now she needs to grow up and be strong for her soon because he is the one that is going to be in as much pain as possible because he is the one losing either one or more fingers and what was she even thinking taking him back with her no offense but that is a parent that shouldn't of even had a kid but this is all in my opinion k please do not take it to heart.......