Mom to Mom

Tired of the tantrums!!!
by MariIB
January 16, 2013 at 11:27 AM

Lately are now six year old has been throwing major tantrums from I dont want to eat, I still want to play, I dont want to do homework, and more then ever the crying and crying for daddy even at three in the morning.

Yes, I know its for attention but its still extremely irritating. 

This morning I set her clothes out for school and woke her up to get dressed.  As soon as she opens her eyes, I get the I'm tired don't want to get dressed.  I told her I was sorry she was tired but she needed to get up and get ready for school, She then starts screaming and crying shes tired, so I tell her to calm down and since she is so tired she will go to bed earlier at night so she will feel rested.  She then says I'm not tired my throat hurts and continues to scream and cry.  I told her I would make her hot tea before taking her to school so she feels better.  Her reaction is to cry and scream louder and now start screaming for daddy.

I try to calm her down but now I am getting irritated.  Finally go wake up my hubby and he goes to her room. She gives him the same story of her throat and he says he will make her tea, same thing I said.  The screaming and crying stops and then she SINGS and HUMMS while starting to get ready.  My hubby tells me see thats all you had to do.  It took every fiber of my body not to hit him over the head and scream out my frustration. 

She gets her tea takes one sip and says all better.  She sang and hummed throughout her morning routine.  I told him it was a tantrum and that I didnt think her throat was really hurting to which I got " You are so insensitive".  I feel so won out emotionally I just want to cry.

By the way she is my stepdaughter.  Her birth mother passed away three years ago.


  • goddess99
    January 16, 2013 at 12:11 PM

    Oh well everything I was thinking changed when you said you were the stepmom. I wouldn't bother. That's the dad's responsibility. My husband is my daughter's stepdad and I would not want him doing that stuff, for this very reason.

  • Reina13
    by Reina13
    January 16, 2013 at 12:43 PM

    Im so sorry you are going through this. I think you need to have a sit down with your husband and talk to him about what is happening. It sounds like she is acting out because her mother has passed and she doesnt want you to replace her. She is still too young to understand that you dont want to replace her mother, that you just want to love her. As difficult as it is, just be patient and firm, but definitely talk to your husband, you need to be united with this. Good luck.

  • Reina13
    by Reina13
    January 16, 2013 at 12:47 PM

    I also want to say Welcome to the group!

  • MamaMoopsie
    January 16, 2013 at 6:06 PM

    I feel you! I've been there with my now 9 year old SD and it was the same things where I could say something and she'd throw a tantrum and he'd say the SAME EXACT THING and her world was right again. Next time, don't wake daddy. Say "I know you're tired, you still have to get dressed. You have ten minutes and then you're going to lose a privelege (like TV in the afternoon or going to the park, etc.) Follow through! I can't stress that enough. If she's still throwing a tantrum after that, and won't listen, put her in the corner! I kid you not. A six minute time out will really turn a 6 year old around! Make sure you explain that whining, screaming, and throwing fits is completely unacceptable.

    When my SD went through this I told her "If you scream at me one more time you'll go to the corner," she didn't believe me the first few times, but finally it got through to her and she started straightening up. She threw fits about everything from eating dinner, to getting ready in the morning, to going to bed at night, to doing her homework/reading for school, to just not getting her way constantly.

    You also need to sit down with your DH and explain that this is a daily thing for her and that you're tired of her screaming and throwing fits. Even if her throat does hurt, which obviously it doesn't if she's capable of throwing that kind of fit, there is no reason to scream about it. You'd already offered to make tea and she was still throwing a fit. I've been there, though, and I know it's hard for dad's to get it sometimes. When my SD was throwing most of her fits it was when Daddy wasn't around (he worked nights and didn't get off work until SD was already in school for the day. So I told him that the next time she threw a fit I was going to call him and let him hear it. I wasn't going to tell her I was calling him. Sure enough, that night she started screaming at me because she didn't like what I'd made for dinner and so I quietly got up and went into the kitchen and called him, didn't say a word to him and just went back into the dining area and sat down and asked her nicely to please eat and she screamed and was hateful and told me "My Daddy wouldn't make me eat this, he lets me eat anything I want!" It was a huge wake up call for my husband. He realized how much she was playing him and manipulating him and how he'd been letting her get away with being a spoiled brat.

    If you don't mind my asking, how long have you been in her life? If she's still transitioning to having you in her life, that could be why she's behaving like this. If she's used to having Daddy all to herself then she's going to fight having you around.


  • MariIB
    by MariIB
    January 17, 2013 at 11:59 AM

    I have been in her life for two years now.  I did sit down with DH and he knows how I feel and that she throws tantrums to get his attention.  He said it was hard for him since she was his little princess.  I have tried the time outs and all she does is get up and refuse to go back.  I cant physically restrain her.  I have taken toys away and she has lost privileges.  All I get is I am mean.


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