I thought that since my son had a good day and got through his homework quickly I would surprise him with some time playing the Angry Birds game. After an hour of playing I thought it was time to change up and have him play with his toys. He decided that he was going to fight me because he wanted to play more Angry Birds. So I started by warning me that he would get a time out. Then he kept going. He started screaming at me so I told him that after his timeout he would lose the remaining TV time he had left (20 minutes out of 90). He started telling me how I was a bad mom and he hated me; and then decided he was going to throw things and so I told him he was going to lose his toys for the night. He started saying things like he hated me and wanted to move away... I am trying to be firm but when he said that I cried. How do I stay the firm disciplinarian without the hurt?
*Edit* We decided to reduce his game time. He now turns his own timer on for 35 minutes and when it is up, he gets off his game without fighting. He does ask for more time, but when I say no, he does not throw fits. He has even stopped hitting again, and I have only had to put him in time out once since for not following another rule of the house. Thank you everyone for your advice! :)
Walk away for a moment, take some deep breaths and come back. You can't control the situation but you do have power in this situation. He'll react and be defiant and angry, but you still have to say "Your words hurt me and you're being hateful and mean. Because you're acting like this you will...and give the list of whatever he's lost." If he keeps screaming or saying hateful, hurtful things, escort him to his bedroom, put him inside and close the bedroom door. Let him have some alone time to think about it.
sit him down latter and tell him. "you know how you said those things to mommy yesterday, that weren't very nice, that hurts mommy, when you say those things". and tell him it hurts because you love him so much.. i had that a few times. No matter how mean his words got.. i just said.. "i hear how you feel right now, but no matter how you say things mommy loves you very much!"
My son is 5 also. He has his moments where he does the Samething. When I talk to my son he doesn't realize what he is doing is wrong until I tell him and then he ask what's wrong about it. Same for the words. If I catch him saying a bad word I will have a talk with him. Then he ask how is that a bad word. I got to explain to him. Yes I also discipline him too. I take something he likes away for the day and he gets send to his room for 5 minutes. He hates both. There is times I just want to scream and pull all my hair out. But after I calm down and I realize he is young and just learning and doesn't know everything yet. He does love to push my buttons to see how far I can go before he gets into trouble.
You don't. It ALWAYS hurts to discipline our kids, even when we KNOW they need it. It's okay to be hurt by his words and actions (although, be honest- you know he doesn't mean it, he's simply frustrated and wants to cause you pain). Toddlers are master manipulators because they observe and react on a raw, emotional level. Adults are used to a more subtle, nuanced style of manipulation in their interactions with other adults. A child's blunt emotional responses often catch us off-guard. Take a deep breath, congratulate yourself on giving your child boundaries and continue on.