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KadosMummy
parenting 50/50
December 31, 2012 at 9:53 PM

Does dh help with the parenting mommy/daddy duties 50/50 or how do you do it? as for us hubby is currently laid off so he is home with our son all day feeds him and what not but I'm always the one to bath him, brush his teeth, read him stories, play with him and usually take him where ever I go. I'd say it's 60me/40him..

Replies

  • SlapItHigh
    January 1, 2013 at 1:42 AM

    I don't keep track of percentages but the father should help out a lot.

  • KadosMummy
    January 1, 2013 at 1:52 AM

    I agree 

  • Charliebaby79
    January 1, 2013 at 4:26 AM

    There is no such thing as 50/50. One parent is always going to feel like they do more than the other and it's this "keeping score" that causes so much conflict.

    What difference does it make who does what, so long as it gets done? Parenting should be 100/100 anyway. As long as the child is well cared for, it shouldn't matter who does what. My husband did zero when it came to taking care of the children and the housework; he felt that was women's work and not his affair. He was the quintessential man of the 1950's; he worked hard and brought home the bacon and that was his contribution. My job was the housework, the laundry, grocery shopping, cooking and planning meals, running errands and tending to the children. It didn't matter if I was exhausted or busy; if one of the children started crying, I had to get up and deal with it because the most he'd do was roll over, shake me and say, "Wake up, the baby needs you," and roll back over and go back to sleep. And he did this even when he was unemployed and I was working; I even had to put the children in day care because he would let them go hungry all day, wouldn't change diapers and complain about their screaming all day. I even slapped  my husband once for not feeding the baby and letting him go hungry for more than ten hours.

    I got fed up and threw my DH out and simply dealt on my own. Once he was gone, my life got so much easier. Consider yourself fortunate that he does what he is doing. Perhaps he needs a break from being at home with the child all day; being a SAHP is no cakewalk. I did it for years and was starting to drink several times a week and then daily. I realized I needed a change and since my DH wasn't willing to change or help out, I simply told him to leave.

    Count your blessings that the father is even making an effort. Most fathers don't even bother.


  • MichelleMc
    January 1, 2013 at 8:14 AM

    I think that there should be no score keeping. All this does is cause major problems. He is helping and if you want more help, then you need to talk to him. Most times, people go into marriage & kids, never talking about how raising them is going to be. Then they get all upset when it comes to that point & it isn't how they wanted it to be.

    Marriage should never be 50-50 it should be 100%-100%, and parenting though is totally different. If one parent works less is going to be in the home or with the child more. That is usually the parent that will do more with the child. Bath, get to bed, stay home with them, who sleeps easier, gets to bed easier, who gets up for work & who doesn't is who gets up with them.

    But, you need to talk about these things. Set up a plan, discuss it. Does one think it is bonding time & they are thinking you enjoy that time together? Do they think that, well you said I needed to do that when I worked and you stayed home, so now I stay home & you work, so you should do it?

    My husband was always involved in bonding things with my son & would help out, but was better with being told. He said, you liked things done your way, so if you wanted me to do something, I have NO problem doing it, but say, hey babe can you do X. Or I might not realize what hadn't been done or what needs done or what you want me to do. He was also excused some being in the Navy & not always home to know routine. But we as moms do step on the guys toes alot saying things like, oh just let me do it, you aren't doing it right, etc. So, we need to sometimes tell them, can you do THIS.

  • Pammi86
    by Pammi86
    January 1, 2013 at 11:20 AM

    I do more bc I work less.

  • goddess99
    January 1, 2013 at 1:30 PM

    When my dd was younger it was me 100% because I was single. Now dd is 10 and I'm a married SAHM so I guess I still do most of it but dd is older.

  • KadosMummy
    January 1, 2013 at 4:26 PM

    I don't "keep score" with him nor was complaining lol I was just curious how other couple Do there parenting and if dh/so help... and you asked what difference does it make on who does what? well if there is only one parent doing all the work it seems they would get very tired overwhelmed and frustrated which would take a toll on the relationship. so I guess that's the difference haha it takes two to make a baby I think there should be two to raise the baby...but I'm very greatful for the help I do get from dh now days because I use to get no help at all period. just curious how others do it all?

    Quoting Charliebaby79:

    There is no such thing as 50/50. One parent is always going to feel like they do more than the other and it's this "keeping score" that causes so much conflict.

    What difference does it make who does what, so long as it gets done? Parenting should be 100/100 anyway. As long as the child is well cared for, it shouldn't matter who does what. My husband did zero when it came to taking care of the children and the housework; he felt that was women's work and not his affair. He was the quintessential man of the 1950's; he worked hard and brought home the bacon and that was his contribution. My job was the housework, the laundry, grocery shopping, cooking and planning meals, running errands and tending to the children. It didn't matter if I was exhausted or busy; if one of the children started crying, I had to get up and deal with it because the most he'd do was roll over, shake me and say, "Wake up, the baby needs you," and roll back over and go back to sleep. And he did this even when he was unemployed and I was working; I even had to put the children in day care because he would let them go hungry all day, wouldn't change diapers and complain about their screaming all day. I even slapped  my husband once for not feeding the baby and letting him go hungry for more than ten hours.

    I got fed up and threw my DH out and simply dealt on my own. Once he was gone, my life got so much easier. Consider yourself fortunate that he does what he is doing. Perhaps he needs a break from being at home with the child all day; being a SAHP is no cakewalk. I did it for years and was starting to drink several times a week and then daily. I realized I needed a change and since my DH wasn't willing to change or help out, I simply told him to leave.

    Count your blessings that the father is even making an effort. Most fathers don't even bother.



  • CrazyLife1996
    January 1, 2013 at 4:30 PM
    We have never kept score. There has been times I did 100% but he was deployed. When he is home he does everything I would do.
  • MistressMinerva
    January 1, 2013 at 4:41 PM

    I was a single parent the whole time raising my daughter so I have no idea what it feels like to have a hubby help out.

  • reche1978
    January 1, 2013 at 4:44 PM

    yea I would say once my dh is at home hes all about the kids and on weekends to

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