Mom to Mom

I sent my fil a pine tree for his loss, too much?
December 10, 2012 at 2:38 PM

I got a phone call thursdaymornign from dear mil, she wanted to inform me and my husband that grandma so an so passed away. I've never met anyone in my husbands family besides his immediate family. He has nothing to do with anyone else and very little to do with his own siblings. I thanked my mother inlaw for the information and told her we wouldn't be at the funeral since it was going to be out of state.

talking to my husband about who this lady was he told me his dad was going to be really sad about the fact this lady passed away. I guess it'd the lady who basically raised my fil. My husband didnt show any emotion with the news of her passing, just a feeling of that sucks for my dad.

so I sent his dad who live a few hours away from us a little pine tree ($15) and a note saying we were thinking of him. No big deal I thought. Just letting him know we care without being there or traveling to the funeral.

my question is, what is the appropriate response to this? When someone close to you dies, you go to the funeral if possible. If someone close to someone close to you dies what do you do? 

I don't believe in fb sorrys, or texting condolences, I'm old school that way. But what is a normal reaction to a situation like these? 

My husband thinks its too much.that I shouldn't have done anything at all. But that thought process confuses me. It's something he and I view very differently. I wonder what other people think about sending flowers/gifts/cards to people when someone dies.


  • WithHope
    December 12, 2012 at 10:34 PM
    Seems right to me.
  • angelachristine
    December 12, 2012 at 11:28 PM

    your husband sounds rather cold. I don't understand why he would have an issue with sending a small gift and a card that's what most people do especially if they can't get to the funeral. 

  • Mama_Gillogley
    December 12, 2012 at 11:45 PM

    i think you did great :)

  • splatz
    by splatz
    December 13, 2012 at 1:27 AM
    I agree.

    And I like the idea of a pine tree better than flowers that will die in a week. :)

    Quoting kalie691:

    I think it's really the thought that counted. Whether a pine tree, a poinsetta, flowers, or a basket of muffins, you were saying "I love you and I'm really, really sorry you are going through a rough time". I'm pretty sure he (and definitely his wife) will get that message and appreciate it.

    Roll your eyes at your husband. Mine is the same way about that sort of thing. Men and women are just wired different.

  • MusherMaggie
    December 13, 2012 at 11:07 AM
    Nothing wrong with it at all and I'm sure your FIL was touched by your thoughtfulness.
  • Pammi86
    by Pammi86
    December 13, 2012 at 12:17 PM

    I think it was a very nice gesture!

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