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bbyB10
moms with teens , I am going thru it for the 1 st time
by bbyB10
December 7, 2012 at 11:19 AM
Hi, my son came home with a portable WiFi device from his dads house which we are.in.the middle of a custody battle and with the technology today I just can't trust Nothing that comes from the other party , I'm gonna make this short. I do not allow my kids on the internet unsupervised. He.hid the WiFi from me for about 3 weeks , and I took it away . He is mad at me now and IDK what to do.he is not.talking to me and I really hate this . Not only can I not trust that his dad won't bug it or something but no kid of mine is allowed to be online unsupervised ! My son says that I don't like him because I can't trust him . I had him at 17 and this is the first time this happens , I have worked , taken care , fought for him, and been his ONLY provider his whole life and IDK how to.handle this ?? report

Replies

  • Presley77
    December 8, 2012 at 12:03 AM

    I think you are doing what is best. One day he will respect you for it and why you did it. To teens though- they want to do what they want and dont like being told no. At least I didnt like being told no. I wanted my freedom when I was a teen even if it was bad for me. 

  • bbyB10
    by bbyB10
    December 8, 2012 at 1:33 AM
    Me too , I can remember what it felt like to be 13 :/


    Quoting Presley77:

    I think you are doing what is best. One day he will respect you for it and why you did it. To teens though- they want to do what they want and dont like being told no. At least I didnt like being told no. I wanted my freedom when I was a teen even if it was bad for me. 


  • suetoo
    by suetoo
    December 8, 2012 at 7:22 AM

    I once had a daily calendar page that said... "No one can parent teenagers, you just survive through it and someday, they're people, too." You need to compromise, he can not be victimized by YOUR custody battle. He deserves some Internet time, and punishment for HIDING the wifi, and then agree when he will use it and when you will take it for safekeeping. The issues of trust and dislike are tough ones. You have no control over your ex's actions, just how you react to them. Trust that your son knows just how to push your buttons. Never react or decide about anything on the spot, take time to cool off and get back to your son or ex when you make a plan for how you will handle things. And include your son in the decision/consequence discussion. God bless, 

  • delanna6two
    December 8, 2012 at 8:22 AM

    you're welcome:)

    Quoting bbyB10:

    Thanks !


    Quoting delanna6two:

    I have 3 teens and just take it a day at a time...it is very challenging sometimes.  Mine are allowed the internet and supervised.  I was going to say maybe let him keep the gift but supervise his time with it like with other things....the only thing that bothered me is that you mentioned about it being bugged or not trusting...and I would understand this...I think I would be a little wary of it too.

    Quoting bbyB10:

    What would you do ?





    Quoting delanna6two:

    Hope you are able to work this out...






  • Aishamusty
    December 8, 2012 at 7:00 PM

    BUMP!

  • orngblsm
    December 8, 2012 at 7:39 PM

    If your son hasn't given you a reason not to trust him (besides hiding the wifi), I would say you may have over-reacted.  If you think your XH has tracking software on it or bugged it, take it to a reputable technician and have it checked and cleaned if necessary.  Your son is reaching the age where he will start pulling away from you to become his own "man", you can't afford to shut down any communication lines.   Hard and fast rules are great when kids are little, but when they reach the teen years, it becomes an entire new game.  When children are little, we lead them by giving them rules to follow and telling them what is what.  When they become teens, our job changes and we have to start stepping aside a bit and trusting what we spent the previous 10-12 years teaching them to hold, letting them make some decisions and pointing out the pros and cons of their decisions.  I'm not saying cave in and give him whatever he wants or let him do or act however he wants.  I am saying that you may want to start giving him some freedom and privileges (age and temperment appropriate) and see how he does.  Talk to him about the dangers on the internet and how to surf safely, appropriate v. inappropriate websites, etc.  Let him know that computer use is in "public" areas of the house only and that you retain the right to view what he has been up to and have access to his passwords.  Maybe start by checking up on his use weekly and see how it goes.  If he does well, than extend the checks out to every other week or go to random times.  At this point you have two choices.  Either keep your rules and he will most likely go behind your back and do it anyway.  (LIke hiding the WiFi from you.  Or he will just get online at school or the library without your knowledge or ability to monitor.)  OR sit him down and have a conversation.  Give him some new guidelines and explain why they are there.  Explain why you are leary of his father's gift, that you don't trust your XH and want to protect the family.  (He didn't get to be a teen in a vacuum, he knows what his father is.)  You will probably get farther with him if you treat him like the growing young man that he is rather than the child he used to be.

  • bbyB10
    by bbyB10
    December 9, 2012 at 1:51 AM
    Good points thanks .... Very understandable :)))


    Quoting orngblsm:

    If your son hasn't given you a reason not to trust him (besides hiding the wifi), I would say you may have over-reacted.  If you think your XH has tracking software on it or bugged it, take it to a reputable technician and have it checked and cleaned if necessary.  Your son is reaching the age where he will start pulling away from you to become his own "man", you can't afford to shut down any communication lines.   Hard and fast rules are great when kids are little, but when they reach the teen years, it becomes an entire new game.  When children are little, we lead them by giving them rules to follow and telling them what is what.  When they become teens, our job changes and we have to start stepping aside a bit and trusting what we spent the previous 10-12 years teaching them to hold, letting them make some decisions and pointing out the pros and cons of their decisions.  I'm not saying cave in and give him whatever he wants or let him do or act however he wants.  I am saying that you may want to start giving him some freedom and privileges (age and temperment appropriate) and see how he does.  Talk to him about the dangers on the internet and how to surf safely, appropriate v. inappropriate websites, etc.  Let him know that computer use is in "public" areas of the house only and that you retain the right to view what he has been up to and have access to his passwords.  Maybe start by checking up on his use weekly and see how it goes.  If he does well, than extend the checks out to every other week or go to random times.  At this point you have two choices.  Either keep your rules and he will most likely go behind your back and do it anyway.  (LIke hiding the WiFi from you.  Or he will just get online at school or the library without your knowledge or ability to monitor.)  OR sit him down and have a conversation.  Give him some new guidelines and explain why they are there.  Explain why you are leary of his father's gift, that you don't trust your XH and want to protect the family.  (He didn't get to be a teen in a vacuum, he knows what his father is.)  You will probably get farther with him if you treat him like the growing young man that he is rather than the child he used to be.


  • Sunshine2plus2
    December 10, 2012 at 12:40 PM

    I know its hard as I am fighting my own battle but you got to trust your kids! If you believe you have raised them right, have taught them right from wrong. Relax a little bit. You cant keep them from everything!

  • chunkyhoney78
    December 10, 2012 at 5:23 PM

    I have 2 teens and I have my boys keep the gifts their father gives them at his home for this very reason just in case its he has GPS on the device or something like that. I buy them something like it if I can afford but as far as the internet goes I let them online but then after a certain time I turn off the wifi router I live way out in the country so its not like they can just piggyback on someone Else's wifi even texting or cells phone its hard because of the crappy signal.

  • chattycassie
    December 10, 2012 at 5:29 PM

     Stay fimr they are rules at your house. If the ex wants him to have that device he can keep it at his house. IDK best of luck

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