I just cant take it anymore. My son is 5 but not yet in Kindergarden because I know I would get called every day. He hits me, says he hates me, wont listen, wont mind, throws things at me. I try to play with him when I can but I have a newborn so I'm busy all the time. My husband is at work all day, but helps out when he gets home. Time outs is what usually starts the violence. I try charts, rewards, special time with me, but its hopeless. He is so abusive to me, but noone has ever abused him. I cant go visit friends because noone else likes him either. I hate myself so much. What kind of a mother am I? I sometimes wish it were just me and my husband and the baby. I cant stop crying. I've had him evaluated and they say he is just a little bit ADHD, but medication made him 10 times worse. I cant go to a different Dr. Because the Oregon health plan only lets you see a specialist twice and he is the only one on the list anyway. They dont care about kids, trust me. I just cant take it anymore
by DixieFlowerDecember 6, 2012 at 8:07 PM
I agree with this. OP, if he was put on ADHD medication you'd need to see the doctor more often. Typically ADHD medications require a 3 month med check to make sure they aren't causing the child harm and that the dosage is working. There are several types of ADHD medication. If the one that was prescribed made him worse he might need a different type. Also Look into the "Elimination Diet for ADHD" you might be surprised how somethings in everyday foods are causing behavioral problems. We did this with my nephew when he was first DX'd with ADHD. We found out that when we removed foods that had red food dye and preservatives that his behavior was much better.
Which county are you in? I'm at a training with a bunch of state employees thus week and can check in with them, but I need to know your county. And make an appointment with your sons ped, they can also be advocates for you as well.
by AroojOmerDecember 7, 2012 at 6:01 AM
yeah I'm doing my masters degree in clinical psychology...
by laura45234September 6, 2013 at 9:00 PM
by mollymollySeptember 6, 2013 at 10:55 PM
I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I've had horrible thoughts about not liking my kids, at different times, when they were younger. Now that they're older, I'm really enjoying them so much! They were really, really challengig when they were younger, esp. the second born. After going to three therapists, I found one that helped. She has a workbook out that helped out, and parenting methods that really worked. Her name is Dr. Yvonne Pennington, and here's a link to her workbook: http://www.ypsychology.com/ppp-workbook/ I don't know if the book would work in your particular situation, but I do know that she has worked with children who are ADD and ADHD and has found methods that work for these kids w/o using medicine (not that I'm against medicine, if that's what a child needs.)
More than anything, I just want to say, hang in there, honey. I had a very good friend that I could call and confess how I was feeling when I had those feelings like I didn't like my own child. She said that she thought all mothers felt that way from time to time. I don't know if that's true or not, but it was kind of nice hearing it at that time. I did hte best I could, and I know that you will, too. We all got through our hard years, and you will too. One other thing I might suggest is that if you believe in prayer, to pray and ask God to help you see the postive things about your child. I know it's hard when he's misbehaving so badly, but try to focus on the good things in him and ask God to help you see him in a more positive light. Keep looking for a solution for this situation. You'll find it. I applaud your courageousness and self honesty in being able to come on this forum and disclose your most inner thoughts and feelings. Take care, sweetie. Take care of yourself through all of this.
by pendragon928September 7, 2013 at 3:07 PM
So sorry you and your son are having such a hard time. You aren't a bad parent, we all feel that way sometimes and parenting a child with behavioral difficulties AND a newborn/infant at home is stressfull and exhausting. As parents we aren't supposed to voice those feelings but sometimes they need to be voiced. I would check with the school district, your child is school-aged and seems to be in need of services. Most public school districts are obligated to provide evaluation and intervention for children who are at risk, and the behavior you are describing is at-risk behavior. ADHD seems to be the standard go-to diagnosis, but I would talk to the school district and a pediatrician/child mental health professional about the possibility of ODD (oppositional defiant disorder). If you have the time I would get on-line and start looking at the information available about ODD from a reputable website such as WebMD, see if the behaviors fit. Most counties also offer mental health services to families in need where they can provide evaluation and management. Here is the information for your county:
MHASD provides mental health services to adults, children and families through an extensive system of care that includes community-based services, respite, sub-acute and inpatient care, residential treatment, and transitional housing.
MHASD serves Oregon Health Plan members enrolled in Health Share of Oregon/Multnomah Mental Health, as well as people who have no insurance or resources. To receive mental health treatment:
- If your mental health insurance provider is Multnomah Mental Health, go to any of the agencies on the provider list. If you need help choosing a provider agency, call Multnomah Mental Health Member Services at (503) 988-5887
- If you do not have insurance, call MHASD's Mental Health Call Center—open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week—at (503) 988-4888 to find out which provider agencies have low fees or sliding-scale payment plans.
Additionally, your county offers Early Assessment and Support through the Allinace Program and they can be contacted here: 503-988-3272.
I urge you to look into mental health services and assessment for your child, if your child is enrolled in your state or county medical assistance program you should qualify for these services. Don't continue to suffer through this, things can get better, they will take the time to listen and to help you find interventions!
it may hurt to hear but maybe you should take some parenting classes. this does NOT mean you are a bad mother. but sometimes it helps to get an opinion from someone outside the situation who can help wth finding ways that work and benefit you and your son. you dont not like him. it sounds to me like you are very stressed. seek help. it will best for everyone in your family. he may feel left out. or replaced and in retaliation is acting out to get ANY kind of attention from you. my son did the same. school helped alot. he got to interact with children and had a schedule and all of that.