Mom to Mom

I dont like my child
December 4, 2012 at 10:55 PM

I just cant take it anymore.  My son is 5 but not yet in Kindergarden because I know I would get called every day.  He hits me, says he hates me, wont listen, wont mind, throws things at me.  I try to play with him when I can but I have a newborn so I'm busy all the time.  My husband is at work all day, but helps out when he gets home.  Time outs is what usually starts the violence. I try charts, rewards, special time with me, but its hopeless.  He is so abusive to me, but noone has ever abused him.  I cant go visit friends because noone else likes him either.  I hate myself so much.  What kind of a mother am I?  I sometimes wish it were just  me and my husband and the baby.  I cant stop crying.  I've had him evaluated and they say he is just a little bit ADHD, but medication made him 10 times worse.  I cant go to a different Dr. Because the Oregon health plan only lets you see a specialist twice and he is the only one on the list anyway.  They dont care about kids, trust me.  I just cant take it anymore


  • ZakkarysMom
    December 4, 2012 at 11:01 PM
    Im sorry. My son can be very challenging at times too. And sometimes I wish it were just me and my other son. You arent a bad mom. Just a stressed out mom. Can you get him into prek or something? Is there a family member that can watch him sometimes to give you a break?
  • grneyedormom
    December 4, 2012 at 11:03 PM
    OHP, like the rest of anything dependent on the Oregon budget has had lots of cuts made to their services. If the first med didn't work you needed to let the Dr know so they can try something else. Rather than just giving up be proactive for your child. Where in OR are you? Depending on your location i can easily provide you with services to check out.
  • mhoelzer2988
    December 5, 2012 at 12:01 AM
    Wow this freaked me out when I first read it! I thought it was something I posted and forgot about. It wasnt until the middle of the paragraph I realized I didn't post this! Lol. I was in the same exact situation as u and felt like I loved my son but didn't like him and didn't want to be around him. He was the same age as ur son when he got put on meds for ADHD but they helped him unlike ur son. Now he's 6 and I don't know how I did it 5 years without the meds. I knew I had to get him on meds before he started kindergarten or he wouldn't make it and boy was I right because even on meds he started his first week of school with bad reports but luckily we just figured out he needed his meds earlier and it made a big difference! Now he's gone over 2 weeks without getting in trouble. I got a phone call from his teacher on the 3rd day of school! Talk about embarassing! I know exactly what ur going through. I also have a younger son who is now 3. My 6 year old still has bad tatrums but I'm telling u the meds r a life saver because it would be worse! He was a handful from the day he was born. I used to have to call my mom over to my house in the middle of the night just to get him to sleep because I worked a full time job as did my husband and my mom didn't have a job at the time and she had more patience and she's the one that watched him while I worked. He cried non stop! He is still a very difficult child. He is OCD about everything and still fights with me about stuff everyday but it would be worse. I was not one to put my kids on meds for ADHD either. I used to not even believe in that . I just thought it was the parents lack of discipline but God knows I disciplined my child all the time so I found out there really is such a thing with some kids including mine for sure. It didn't take the dr. But 5 min to decide he needed meds BAD! The dr had to put him in a bear hug in his office just to get him to calm down. He was crawling under the table running around just being absolutely crazy! My husband and I used to not even be able to go into public with him because he was so embarrassing! I can't tell u how many times I said to my husband I wanted to ship him off to a military school. I cried so many times because of him. He stressed me out more than anyone or anything ever has. He got kicked out of his karate class and our gyms child care. He would spit on other kids boy or girl didn't matter, he would hit punch kick. U name it, he did it. Thank God my youngest son is totally opposite because I couldn't have done it. They are day and night. My youngest is so easy! I just want to say I know what ur going through and know another mom going through the exact same thing and she has like 4 kids! Just hang in there. Keep bringing him to drs until u can get him some meds that work for him. It took my son a little while to adjust to his. It kind of made him like a zombie at first which I didn't like so I have him half a dosage and that helped then as he grew I upped it back to the full dosage. He's on Ritalin. Good luck. Things will get better!
  • laura45234
    December 5, 2012 at 12:35 AM

    Thank you so much for your story!!  Maybe there is hope after all.  At least you werent a bad mom, thinking bad thoughts about your son.  I wish I could find help.   I live in Portland Oregon

  • grneyedormom
    December 5, 2012 at 1:20 AM
    Which county are you in? I'm at a training with a bunch of state employees thus week and can check in with them, but I need to know your county. And make an appointment with your sons ped, they can also be advocates for you as well.
  • laura45234
    December 5, 2012 at 1:50 AM

     I am in Multnomah County.  He doesnt get to see the same pediatrician each time because thats how it works when you dont have insurance. 

  • little.worthen
    December 5, 2012 at 1:53 AM

    maybe you need to go to some parenting classes and learn how to handle your child. and maybe he needs to go to therapy.

  • NikiSellers0806
    December 5, 2012 at 1:57 AM
    Has he ever been away from you, like mother's day out or daycare? My 4 yr old has a bad temper and I dealt with a lot of what you are talking about so when it came time for PreK this year I was very worried to say the least! However, he has blossomed at school like I couldn't have imagined!!!! Never even got so much as a warning and his teachers brag on him all the time....LOL sometimes I'm like are we talking about the same child??? I wouldn't worry too much, kids act totally different in new environments away from their parents so he may surprise you:)
  • kingkongsmom
    December 5, 2012 at 2:04 AM

     praying for you momma andyour son, whole family actuallycause it takes a toll on everyone, just understand somewhere inside that lil boy you dont like is the same one you love. Too bad budgets are cut too short to help even a child. Is there maybe a Big sister's program where he could get in as special needs, someone that is a vol.  and can help with him by giving you a break and working with him on positive behaviors,....etc. I know it would have to be a Big Sister that has worked with special needs children but they are out there.

  • AroojOmer
    December 5, 2012 at 7:21 AM
    Please... don't say this.. being a psychologist i would say that he is suffering from ADHD...n its quite common in children now a days, so consult a child psychologist or psychiatrist...n i hope everything will be fine...

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