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Butterfly3577
Am I wrong? Is my boyfriend wrong
December 2, 2012 at 10:50 AM

My son(4years old) sometimes wake up early, like 7/730 am and he wakes me up. One night I was sleeping at my boyfriends house with my son,(he has a son too that is 4 years old too), my son went in the bedroom and was calling my boyfriend's name asking him a questio. My boyfriend didn answer and my son kept calling his name waiting for him to answer.He then screams at me saying get out of the bedroom, and I say he just wanted to ask you a question. My boyfriend says Im sleeping I want him out my son doesnt do that, Im slepping he cannot wake me up when Im sleeping. And he got my son out of the bedroom and slammed the door. I got upset and he told me to leave.H said I should teach my son better behavior not to wake anyone up at 730 am, or if he was sleeping.

Now I feel like my son didnt do anything wrong , he came nicely and was trying to talk, I feel he could have just answerd my son question and ask him to leave because he was still slepping, and lock and close the door.

He didnt have to slam the door, or yell at him.

I think I dont want to see my boyfriend again, because Im afraid he is going to keep doing it. He wants to marry me and everthing, but i dont think I can tolerate his temper sometimes.

Do you think Im overeacting? Is it normal what he did to my son?And he told us to leave the house because I got upset. I told him he dint have to scream at him, or slammed the door, he could just have answered his question. He got mad at meand asked his son to go inside of the bedroom, he told me to leave and he closed his bedroom door

Replies

  • craemom
    by craemom
    December 2, 2012 at 11:28 AM

    Idk what to tell you, but i don't think i could take someone yelling at my child and they just asked a question. Thats going to make your child afraid of him and to talk to him and you don't want your child to be afraid to talk to him if y'all are going to be together. I mean its your call.

  • MistressMinerva
    December 2, 2012 at 11:29 AM

    I would kick him to the curb and move on. That was just uncalled for.

  • LAXmom21
    December 2, 2012 at 11:31 AM
    I think he was wrong and if my 4 yr old woke up before me (which they did sometimes) I would get up. Why would he expect to keep sleeping when the kids are awake and unsupervised at 4 years old?
  • MichelleMc
    December 2, 2012 at 12:00 PM

    So let me see if I got this right. You were awake & up with him, then you allowed him to come in & wake him up to ask him a question?

    Yes, I would be upset with you for allowing it.  I would have said, Honey he is sleeping. You can ask him later, lets go do something else.

    However, how he handled it is wrong. He shouldn't have screamed at him or slammed the door. That is childish behavior, and I wouldn't be with him for how he handled that or having you leave afterrwards.

     Yes, you shouldn't have allowed your son to go wake him up & to asked a question is not an acceptable reason. You should have respected he was sleeping, especially if his son was still sleeping. To keep asking questions ever, to me, is something we should teach out children not to do, but also if someone is sleeping or not answer, they can't just keep asking & asking, even at 4. Children need to learn to wait, to understand those things. Boundaries are important.

  • sleepymommy87
    December 2, 2012 at 12:05 PM
    I would take that as a huge red flag and be thankful I didn't marry him. Behavior like that is unacceptable and likely will only get worse after marriage.
  • Mama_Gillogley
    December 2, 2012 at 12:07 PM

    I would kick that man to the curb before he gets any other chance to yell at your son. You are not overreacting, your son did nothing wrong (essentially) and your boyfriend acted more like a child than your son. Your first responsibility is the safety of your son, and that includes his mental/emotional safety. If your boyfriend threatens or downright abuses your son emotionally and mentally by lashing out at him for something that little kids do (it's not like your son was yelling, making a mess, breaking things, etc.) then i say dump him- I know it isn't easy but you and your son deserve better. You are totally on the right in this one lady!! Even though your son needs to learn boundaries on when it's okay to wake people up, your boyfriend even more so needs to learn  boundaries on how to treat children. Go with your gut. :)

  • boshs1andonly
    December 2, 2012 at 12:09 PM

    I agree with pp, you shouldn't have let him go in the room. But his reaction was way over the top. He's 4, he doesn't know better. At this point I would call it quits, I wouldn't want to be with someone who treats my child like that.

  • Mama_Gillogley
    December 2, 2012 at 12:15 PM

    I agree with pp too, when i read her post i saw that she had some good points about setting boundaries, but yeah, no man would ever yell at my child in that way- there are times when stern correction is appropriate but out of control yelling is never, ever helpful to a child who needs to learn boundaries and unless you two are married, in my personal opinion, you should be the one doing the correcting, and if your boyfriend has an idea or tip for you on your parenting style, he should talk to you about in private in a calm way.

    Your boyfriend showed a complete lack of self control when it came to your son, and that is a huge red flag.

  • Butterfly3577
    December 2, 2012 at 1:12 PM

    Mybe I wasnt clear.


    my boyfriend and I were sleeping in bed, when my son walks in the bedroom waking  both of us up.  he wanted to  ask him a question. then of course I just got out of the bed

  • Butterfly3577
    December 2, 2012 at 1:15 PM

    Thanks everyone!!! You all made me feel better

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