Mom to Mom

really need some advice about my bil **UPDATE**
November 15, 2012 at 11:51 PM
He is in a toxic relationship and he doesn't realize it. He doesn't see it. He has been with a girl for about 5 months now and she is changing him for the worse. I respect his feelings for her and her kids, but this isn't going to end well. He has had 3 different jobs since ngetting with her and we have paid his phone bill 3 times since they got together (4 if you count the one we are going to end up paying this month), and he doesn't care. He is on our cell plan and has his phone and mobile broadband usb modem. The billing cycle ends today and he gets a monthly allowance of 5gb on the modem. Just since this morning he has used 6.5gb OVER his monthly allowance. That adds $70 to the bill, that he probably wont pay for. Its like he thinks that if he ignores the bill and refuses to acknowledge it, that it doesn't exist. It does for us. The bill is in MY name. He is fucking us over more than I think he realizes it. Dh doesn't want to text him because his gf will hijack his phone like she always does and answer it, or see it before him and reply to dh from her phone. Dh tried calling him, and he didn't answer. I looked at facebook, and he is online, incurring more overage charges that he doesn't care that we nhave to pay for. We barely scrape by as it is, and we will be a family of 4 in july. I found out we are expecting number 2 a couple days ago, and haven't told dh yet, because of this bullshit with his brother. I know he will be happy since we've been trying for 6 months or so, but I don't want to add to the stress he is under. I tried suspending service on bils 2 lines, but until the account is current (this months bill is paid, which after other bil paid his bill on time today is $294 because of the first bil), and its going to be a couple weeks before its paid. So were still going to have an outrageous bill by the time it gets shut off. I feel terrible. Dh said bil and his gf/kids aren't welcome here anymore. They have burned a very helpful and supportive bridge. If bil didn't live 90mins away we would just go there and get the phone. I texted bil last night to see if he would be ontime (at least somewhat) with his bill this month and he says "I just paid $100 on it. I fail to see why I still owe this month". I told him that what he just paid was for the bill that was due in october, and he still has to pay novembers bill. Then he brings up how he borrowed dh $400 like a year and a half ago. I told him a couple months ago (the last time he couldn't/wouldn't pay his bill) that since we paid his phone bill 3 times since may (an average of $130 each time) and dh put $150 into his bank account, that it was more than paid back. When I retold him that he gets all text message pissy pants with me and says he will drop off the phone/modem this weekend since he is sick of paying for it and sick of me hounding him to pay it. Then a couple minutes later he textx again and says he will mail it since he shouldnt have to waste gas on this bullshit either.
how does he nit see what he is doing? How does it not occure to him that he is hurting his family?

I was able to get his phone shut off yesterday with the mobile verizon app. I talked to cust srvc this morning and got his modem shut off.
And I told dh that im pregnant. He is thrilled. I told him I was a little nervous of telling him and adding stress to the bil situation. he says he is happy our family is growing, and his brother has nothing to do with "our" happiness. It really was a load off. Lol


  • Basherte
    November 17, 2012 at 8:24 AM

    Congrats on baby!!!

    90 minutes or not I would drive there and get the phone and modem from him. Otherwise, it will continue to go up.

    90 minutes wouldn't stop me at this point. I would rather spend the 90 minutes on the road to get that stuff, and know that my finances are safe, than to worry about it at home until something else can be done. Which will take a lot longer than 90 minutes. Have DH go with you. Then DH can say his peace, and get the phone and modem. I know it's hard to be such a bitch to family, but when it is bringing your family  down, it's time to do something about it. 

    Quoting cookinmommyof1:

    Dh would love to tell him what an ass he's being and how he is screwing over his family, but the little fucker wont answer his phone. Dh has been trying to call him nfor 2 days. We know he's around and can answer it because I've seen him on facebook. Both regular online, and mobile. This is bullshit. I think he knows how pissed dh is and doesn't want to hear about it. I get that times are tough and he has had a string of shit jobs, is going to school, and is tying to raise someone elses shit ass little monsters (and their super moron bitch of a mother), but shit sucks for everyone

    Quoting Pammi86:

    I would tell him how you feel and get rid of the phone.

  • GreenEyes8707
    November 17, 2012 at 6:13 PM
    I'm lucky, I have an unlimited data plan with Verizon
    But. I would cut off his phone. Sounds like he's choosing her over y'all.
  • cookinmommyof1
    November 17, 2012 at 6:21 PM
    We have unlimited data on the smartphones, but there's a 5gb limit on the modem, as soon as we can afford to pay the bill, they're ngetting shut off. He can choose her. I have a feeling he is going to be calling or coming over to apologize in the future.

    Quoting GreenEyes8707:

    I'm lucky, I have an unlimited data plan with Verizon

    But. I would cut off his phone. Sounds like he's choosing her over y'all.

  • OliviasMommy611
    November 17, 2012 at 6:32 PM

    Quoting signingmama2915:

    I would just turn service off of phone and modem.

    Congrats on baby. You should tell dh
  • Sparkyfire
    November 18, 2012 at 4:58 AM
    Report the modem and phone as stolen, it gets shut off then. They have to shut it off if its stolen or lost none of this "bill is current" stuff. Because of its stolen they can't charge you for the activity on it as the person using it isn't authorized to.

    I was a csr, I used this trick a few times to help my customers out. One was a mom who's 15 year old stole her credit card, and a few other things and got a line in her name with her moms info. So I shut it off as stolen. Wasnt suposed to and I did get in trouble for it but my manager told me "as a parent I totally agree with what you did." The mom was able to file identity theft on daughter, and it forced the girl to come home, she had ran off and been away. Bad situation all around

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