I would like to know from all you moms out there how good of a father your husband is to your children? How involved is he? How much time does he spend with them and what types of activities does he do with them? Also, does he work full-time and if he does, does he still spend most of his free time with the kids in the weekends? If you have a baby, is he natural at taking care of him/her? Does he do anything in the household or is that 'your task'? I know these are alot of questions but I really would love some answers. I'm in a situation where I feel like my husband just doesn't put in enough time and effort with our 3 yr old and our 10 month old twins. He lets me do everything, I have to ask for his help all the time and he doesn't naturally play with them or spend alot of time with them. He's disrespectful in ways of leaving clothes on the floor, doesn't put his shit away, never helps me with dishes and I'm just sick of it, tired. Like having a fourth child. I'm trying to put things in perspective and would love some input!
November 15, 2012 at 4:32 PM
My husband does always spend time with us versus going out with friends or something. He'll go drink once or twice a month with a friend. Which I don't mind cuz ill have a night to myself. Me, on the other hand, never get out unless its with him and we have a babysitter. On the weekends he ALWAYS hangs out with us. But isn't that normal? Your a family. You shouldn't choose friends over your wife and kids when you havent spend time with them all week. Right? I see that as a normal healthy marriage. What's not healthy is the fact that doesn't help me take care of the kids. So even on the weekends, I'm getting them ready, I'm making food for them, and put them to bed. I pick up all the toys, always. He easily walks passed the mess in the house and let's me clean it all up. There nights he doesn't give them a kiss goodnight because he didn't even realize I put them to bed. He knows what time they go to bed. Hes just so uninvolved. Is it also normal for men to be more interested in their wife Than their kids? I'm not complaining but honestly I'd be more interested in getting intimate if he would spend more time with them than me.
by daevansNovember 15, 2012 at 5:51 PMMy hubby is active duty military. When our first son was born, he was so uninvolved. He thought I should cook, clean, feed, change diapers, bathe him, take out the trash. He thought that since I fed the baby I should change the diaper too. Kinda like "clean up the mess I started" type thing. I told him "I think it's great that you think I'm Wonder Woman and all, but I'm pretty sure I didn't make this baby on my own. You helped make this baby. You either shape up, or we can ship out." We do things 50/50 now. The only thing he doesn't do is cook. I don't take out the trash. I have a full time job too. I'm a juvenile probation officer
by lazydNovember 15, 2012 at 5:54 PM
Sorry i cant help you there. I am in the same boat as you. I would divorce my husband of 18 yrs (been together 20) but we can barely afford one household much less two households on the income we make. My husband DOES ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! He cleans the toilet (one) and bathtub (one) on occasion. He is our son's boy scout leader but that happens only once a week. My husband is gone from the home 7 to 7 & its HIS choice. He doesnt get paid anymore to work overtime. He CHOOSES to work (even his bosses have told him to go home and he wouldnt lose his job if he left at 5pm instead of 7pm) and PLEASE his boss versus spend ANY time with his kids. I DONT want the attention. I want him to give the kids his attention, but when my husband is home all he does is yell at me or the kids cuz we have a routine going and when my husband is home, he just disruptes it. Everything is either my fault or the kids' fault. My husband does not take the blame for anything & doesnt do a DAMN thing around the house! I take care of 6 ANIMALS! (my husband, two kids & three cats) I SWEAR, IM THE ONLY HUMAN IN THIS HOUSEHOLD!
by YaKnowYOLONovember 15, 2012 at 6:02 PMMy husband is an amazing father. We have 7 kids together and we are expecting twins. He works full time so things are hard but he finds time for all of us. We have picnics and got to parks and beaches on the weekends and when we get home the kids go to his parents house so we can have private time. He is truly amazing. He does chores and doesn't complain about it
November 15, 2012 at 6:08 PM
@lazyd. It seems you're even more upset than I am. I also couldn't leave even if I wanted to, I couldn't afford it. Of course there's always a way but the cost of a babysitter/daycare for 3 kids while I work full time would be pointless, right? All the money would go to care for the kids. Plus I have no family here. Just his mom. I'm seriously working on becoming completely independent in case we do get divorced one day. I need to be able to take care of myself and my kids. I don't want to leave my husband at all though. I want to stay with him but have a good, happy life. All I can do is talk and talk a talk. If nothing changes after the last final BIG talk and threat of divorce, THEN I'm leaving. Have you tried everything already too?