Mom to Mom

people say im brutally honest is that bad?
October 3, 2012 at 10:56 PM
Some people dont like my honesty and i was raised not to suger coat anything and to always speak my mind. I dont do it rudely im just honest i know its a time and place for everything so ill pull them to the side i just like being me and i just cant help it. What do you think i should do ???? No rude response please i dislike rude people


  • Basherte
    October 5, 2012 at 7:44 AM

    Quoting KaliyahImani:

    Im not rude but honest yes if the jeans do make you look fat why should i let you walk out in public looking crazy i was raised by a marine and he never suger coated with so i wont with anyone else why so life can be full of lies no i cant better yet yea you rite i wont do it i refuse to lie to please anyone on this earth its stupid point blank and fyi all my friends are still my friend and respect my honesty it people like you who dont and probably lie

    Okay there is a difference between lying, and being a heartless bitch.

    Also, I know it's difficult to type on here, but could you put at least a little effort into typing your words correctly and spelling them correctly. Use proper punctuation. It would bring out a better feeling towards you, other than the one I'm getting from all the bad grammar. 

    No, I usually ignore it as long as I can understand what the person is saying. I'm being brutually honest. Your grammar sucks. I'm sure you were taught better than this.

    ^rude or brutually honest? 

    making a point. Although it is a little hard to understand towards the middle there.

  • truetigress
    October 5, 2012 at 8:12 AM

     I disagree....I am brutally honest. Brutally in my case is the stuff that gets thrown back at me for being so. Ever try to tell the truth about your past job experiences when you are looking for a new job? It's b-r-u-t-a-l. Your past job experiences can make or break a new shot at a job. I had two times in my past where a job I loved was taken from me by another jealous person. Why did they want my job? More than likely they thought it was okay to steal mine with lies that I was not prepared for.

    I worked as a cocktail waitress in one job. Loved it! Got to meet new people, met live music bands and had a great time. All it took was for me to get so sick that I had my neice call in for me because I couldn't travel down 16 stairs and outside to a pay phone to call in. Every time I got up off the couch I was vomiting.

    Next time I go in to work, I am told by the bouncer at the door that I needed to speak to my supervisor. No one told me anything til I contacted the super the next day. What she said FLOORED ME. Apparently another lounge (a country one) had some waitresses who said I was with them and we partied the night before. I only had my neice to help me on that one and I was still fired. Turns out that one of their waitresses was gunning for my job because she didn't like country music.

    How's that for BRUTAL honesty?

    I am in no way a negative person. I always try to think of others before myself. I use compassion and understanding along with my truth and that makes people more comfortable with me. Also it makes me appear gullible.

    So original poster........

    If you use compassion and understanding with your truth, it is not brutal it does not come out as comes out as being honest and caring for the other person.

    If you are saying the truth about things that others would find uncomfortable or hateful then I would say learn to curb your truths.

    My mom always told me:

    "Treat others how you wish to be treated"

    It's a good mantra to live by.

    Best of luck hon.

  • pinkcsmtlgy
    October 5, 2012 at 8:14 AM

    I am the same way. People who know me know not to ask me a question unless they really want my answer. I wouldn't worry about it.

  • Eve-marie
    October 5, 2012 at 9:42 AM
    The brutally part is bad, yeah. Some things are gonna upset folks however you say them, but being mindful of others' feelings and saying it tactfully isn't sugar coating.
  • spotsmom
    October 5, 2012 at 10:11 AM

    What's wrong with a litttle sugar? *I* was raised to be honest AND kind. There's no reason to be "brutally honest" if you can get the message across WITHOUT hurting someone. Yes, I'm more concerned about being KIND than I am about being "honest," ESPECIALLY if the person didn't ask me my opinion in the first place. I would never presume to "take someone to the side" and "tell them like it is" when they never asked me my opinion in the first place. Sorry, that seems rather ill-mannered and inconsiderate, not to mention poor home training. However, if someone DOES ask, I will be honest in as nice a way as possible. I've found that very often, people of the "I keeps it real" sort are generally NOT "honest to a fault" as in, honest all the time no matter the situation. I've found that most of those kind of people will lie through their teeth when it suits THEIR needs. They basically just use "brutal honesty" or "keepin' it real" as an excuse to be mean and hurtful to others. That is my "brutally honest" observation.

  • spotsmom
    October 5, 2012 at 11:44 AM

    Also, I've noticed that people who say "I was raised not to sugar-coat" or "I was always taught to be brutally honest" were basically raised by people who were cruel to their children, as in always calling them stupid or fat, or worthless....but hey, at least their parents were "honest," right? And usually these people, if they were "honest" with themselves would realize that they hated the way they were treated, but instead they adopt their parents cruel demeanor, and do exactly to others what their parents did to them. So these people indeed learned this behavior from their parents...they learned to be cruel and mean-spirited to their friends and family in the name of "honesty." Telling your friend that they look "fat" in those jeans, for instance, is not doing your friend any favors. I mean, if your true intention was to "help" then surely you could do that in the kindest way possible, right? Saying "You look fat!" is neither kind NOR helpful. MAYBE, (maybe!) you could say "Those jeans aren't the most flattering..." and then see how your friend responds. If she says "Really?" How so?" then you could say something like "Well, the way they sit on your hips, they're not very slimming." But if she brushes you off and continues out the door, here's a hint, a "brutally honest" hint....shut your mouth! She obviously doesn't CARE about your opinion, and continuing to insist how FAT she looks is just plain are not doing it "for her," you're doing because you are a cruel person. Period. Again, just my brand of "brutal honesty" there. 

  • la_bella_vita
    October 5, 2012 at 11:57 AM

     I'm the same way but most of the time people apperciate it.

  • dannietracy
    October 5, 2012 at 12:26 PM

    stay that way. i'm that way and at times people don't like it but for the most part people are glad to hear the truth no matter how ugly it is. it's better to be honest then lie. that's just my opinion anyways

  • Mayo5
    by Mayo5
    October 5, 2012 at 1:48 PM

    My husband's cousin fancies himself as "brutally honest" and has this same love-me-or-leave-me attitude. This may or may not apply to you, but I find that what he calls honesty and hatred of sugar coating things is an excuse for being rude and avoiding any effort to think critically. He can conveniently hide behind his "personality" and most importantly, not think about what he is saying to others and how he is saying it. I think that's the key. You can say honest things and still be kind. These are not mutually exclusive concepts. It just takes effort to think before you let your mouth loose.

    Here's an example. Soon after I graduated college, I started my first real job. He asked me how much I was making. Stupidly, I answered him. Hey, I was young and naively thought the question was asked out of concern. He said: "Oh my gaaaaawd. WOW. Really? That's so low." It was the truth, but how do you think that made me feel?

    An honest and kind reply would have been something like "Hmm. Do you think you're getting paid fairly for this market?" See the difference? One reply requires some thoughtfulness and tact, qualities that you may be lacking.

  • mommy425906
    October 5, 2012 at 11:11 PM

    How are you with people you don't know at all or don't know very well? Is the brutually honest comment only coming from your close friends?

    Quoting KaliyahImani:

    I love this because if you know how i am why even ask me so i see it as you asked because you want a real person like me to tell you the real truth

    Quoting MadysonsMama:

    Dont ask dont tell.  

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