My dd is 16 months old and driving me crazy! I know she gets what no means but she does not care! I have tried everything and now find myself yelling a lot which does not help! She just ignores me! When I try to move her out of the situation she hits or bites and time outs mean nothing to her. I feel like I am at the end of my rope! I need advice ladies! I do not want to be that parent thats screaming all the time! : (
October 6, 2012 at 1:42 AM
I see some parents say spanking. I tried that with my son when he was two and a half, when time outs didn't work. Spanking didn't work either, every time I spanked him he thought it was permission to hit back. He is like a gladiator child, any excuse to fight is fun to him. I would probably have to beat him to get him to acknowledge it as punishment....uh....not going to do that. I know there are some kids who get tapped on the butt and cry at the very concept. Not in our family though, lol. Actually, my parents spanked a lot, and we were horribly behaved children. We would have responded better to compassion and explanations. My parents just spanked and grounded us for weeks on end. It created a state in me of not caring at all about anything. I became very depressed at a very young age. So I don't know what to make of people who say spanking works because the only thing I have ever experienced is being afraid of my parents, to the point of never telling them anything for years, and with my child who immediately becomes aggressive when he is spanked. (I thought I'd give it a try and not use it a lot like my parents did, but it did nothing to curb his behavior anyways)
That is a tough, tough age to discipline. I would say, what worked best for me at that age, was to take myself away from my child. If you are going to be bad, mommy is going to ignore you. Drove him crazy. When he got older taking toys away helped a lot. When I gave him time outs, I had to hold the door closed. He's not a bad kid, just headstrong and smart, it's quite the combo to overcome, lol. I feel for you, keep searching something will work. Try to see what the key to her happiness is, taking something away is an easy way to make a point.
Actually, at that age, discipline was near impossible, like the person above me said it was more about keeping him from doing the bad thing, using distractions and redirections.
I disagree with the other moms. Spanking is NOT appropriate for a 16 month old. Especially if she's been hitting. Spanking will just reinforce that we hit when we don't like what someone's doing-- seriously.
I would do this: set up a Pack N Play with NO TOYS in it. Put it in a separate room from where you usually are, or an out-of-the-way spot where she won't be able to make eye contact with you. EVERY SINGLE TIME she bites/hits/etc, you say "NO biting" and put her in that Pack N Play for 90 seconds. Set a timer. Do not talk to her or look at her during time out. When time's up, you pick her up and say "no biting, okay? Be a nice girl!" Smile and give her a hug. She has to know that you will not tolerate the behavior, but that you forgive and still love her.
16 month olds are tricky!
You have to be consistent. But you should definitely not use time-out or any other kind of punishment when she's just getting into things that you don't want her touching. The answer for that is baby-proofing. If you don't want her touching the DVD player, get a TV unit with doors and put a zip tie or cabinet lock on it. (Ours has glass doors so we can use the remotes while the doors are locked.) If she's getting into trouble in the kitchen, gate the whole room off. At 16 months, she really is just exploring. Even if it's making you crazy :)