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vinalex0581
Problem child or just experimenting? *Long* need advice on what to do **Update**
September 29, 2012 at 11:22 AM

I called up my sons principal yesterday and he told me that this shouldn't have happened. He's going to call a meeting with all of the 2nd grade teachers and inform them of what is happening. He's going to make sure that the teachers keep an eye on Courtney to make sure she doesn't do it again. I feel bad that I went over my sons teachers' head but I figured I had to speak to the principal about the situation. I did suggest to him that his teacher, him and I should meet up but that's when he told me he's going to speak with the other teachers.  He said that it would be bad if my son had to be transfered to a different class because he probably made friends all ready and how far into the school year it is. Really?? Why would MY son have to move to a different class?? I told him in a 7 year olds perspective he might feel that he's being punished if he ended up moving into another class. He told me that he wouldn't want to move Courtney out of that class just in case she was put there for a reason. Wow!! Really?? That was the reason he gave me?? Okay. So if this continues and they make him move to a different class, I'm thinking of getting the media involved, after all, if the situation was reversed, my son would be the one getting suspended for this. I feel they are being sexist about this situation. 

My son was in 1st grade last year and 6 years old. Things were going fine for him. Until one day he comes home and said, "Courtney kissed me on the lips today." She was a classmate of his. I told him that she shouldn't do it and that he should stay away from her. The week after he comes home from school and he said,"Courtney tried holding my hand and kissed me on the cheek." I told him that the next time she touches you to tell her stop. The next day he comes home and says, "Courtney kissed me on the lips today." I asked, "did you tell her to stop?" He said yes. I told him to ignore her. I told him to not tell the teacher because she doesn't need to get in trouble. I figured she's 6 so she's just experimenting. The next week he comes up to me and tells me that she touched his penis. So I wrote his teacher a note and told her what his classmate did. She called me to let me know that the kids went to see the school counselor to talk about this (separately, of course). That her parents were informed on what happened. She also told me that she's going to keep them separate and she will keep a better eye on her from now on. I explained to her that she had been kissing him and holding his hands throughout the year. I told his teacher that I didn't want to say anything at first because I didn't want to get Courtney in alot of trouble and possibly have this scar her when all she might have been doing is experimenting to begin with.

The next day my son comes home telling me, "Courtney came up to me and put her arms on her hips and said to me, "thanks alot Alex!" So that was the end of that.

This year my son is in 2nd grade and 7 years old. At his open house (before school starts each year, kids get to visit their classroom, meet their teacher and possibly meet their classmates). We saw that Courtney was in his class again this year.

I informed his teacher on what happened last year between the two of them and she told me that she was told about it all ready.

One my of son's friend came over to play and his friends mother told me that Courntey is a trouble maker and that she got her son in trouble a couple of times last year.

So.....last week (school started September 4th as it's 3 weeks into schoo) my son comes home and yet, again, tells me that Courtney kissed him on the cheek.

I'm thinking of maybe contacting my sons elementary school principal and letting him know what's going on since, obviously, telling my sons teacher isn't helping at all. I can understand, she has to watch over 18 kids so she can't keep on eye on Courtney all of the time. She's not there when they have lunch or are at their specials. 

Should I inform my sons teacher on what Courtney did or should I just go and tell the principal?

I don't want to go over the teachers head and go right to her boss but it doesn't seem like talking to his teacher is helping at all.

Also, isn't this considered a type of bullying?

Replies

  • MumaSue
    by MumaSue
    October 2, 2012 at 12:53 PM

    I agree, I would not get the media involved either. Instead I would go to the superintendent of the school district if you are not happy with the principles handling of this situation and to be honest I would not be.

    Quoting tattdmom2prncss:

     I wouldnt get the media involved here, personally. I dont think it's as muc of a sexist ct as much as an age idea. They are probably imaginging that she is too young to fully understand what she is doing (which MAY be true but not an excuse) and this is probably the first time this principal has had to deal with a situation like this since he seems to notknow what to do. Of course this is something that needs to stop immediately and not continue any further, but, again, I think getting the media involved will take things to a much more severe level. Keep inmind that this will impact both of these kids for the rest of their lives so if you go to themedia this is something that will hang over both of their heads.


  • vinalex0581
    October 2, 2012 at 12:57 PM

    that's a good idea. i didn't even think of it.

    well i'm just crossing my fingers that it won't come down to me having to contact the super at all.

    hopefully this is all resolved now that the principal knows and he "took care of it."

    Quoting MumaSue:

    I agree, I would not get the media involved either. Instead I would go to the superintendent of the school district if you are not happy with the principles handling of this situation and to be honest I would not be.

    Quoting tattdmom2prncss:

     I wouldnt get the media involved here, personally. I dont think it's as muc of a sexist ct as much as an age idea. They are probably imaginging that she is too young to fully understand what she is doing (which MAY be true but not an excuse) and this is probably the first time this principal has had to deal with a situation like this since he seems to notknow what to do. Of course this is something that needs to stop immediately and not continue any further, but, again, I think getting the media involved will take things to a much more severe level. Keep inmind that this will impact both of these kids for the rest of their lives so if you go to themedia this is something that will hang over both of their heads.



  • jonnlilithsmom
    October 2, 2012 at 12:58 PM

    don't wait for the school to call CPS, you do it!  that girl needs help, and obviously isn't getting it

    Quoting Bethy16:

    I had a VERY simmilar situation with my son when he was in 1st grade. This little girl actually pulled her pants down and asked my son to lick her and she wanted to suck his penis!! She did the same thing to my girlfriends son so we both called the school trying to avoid the parents. They also called them in separately and that afternoon the girl grabbed my son and threw him into the bus window also saying thanks for getting her in trouble. In this case the school did nothing. It started up again last year the first week on the bus and i told the school and the parents I was going to the police since they are not protecting my son! I was so happpy when they changed bus routes and even though she lives down the block she is not on the bus with him. BUT guess who he was sitting next to in class the first day of school??? I requested she not be in class with him and here she is! The principal cant do anything now but the teacher moved his seat. She keeps them as apart as she can. That being said this girl had both of the kids on each side of her ask to have their desks moved and she gets sent to the office almost every day. While she is not bullying my son anymore she is so disruptive in the class it takes away from all therest of the kids. What drives me nuts is that because it is was a girl to a boy it isnt as serious as if it was a boy doing this to a girl. I would threaten the school and if it continues they need to call CPS because 6yr olds shouldnt know this kind of stuff :(


  • kaylamom2004
    October 2, 2012 at 1:01 PM

    Contacting the principal is a great idea. I'd demand that the girls parents be present and you present & talk this out. Find a middle-ground. She needs some serious talking to and some type of counseling (I'm wondering if she's being touched) ... but getting the media involved *eye roll* attention whore much? Come on! Really?!?!

  • tattdmom2prncss
    October 2, 2012 at 1:03 PM

     Well you need to figure a few things out before you take the next steps... #1 do you want her removed from the class, expelled from the school, or removed from the district? #2 Keep inmind the degree of action she is taking- so far it is primarily kisses on the cheek although it did cross a very serious line once when there was genital touch. and how is this affecting your son, is he upset over this, traumatized or just annoyed and uncomfortable?

    So after you get those clearly defined and you think through the impact she's making on your family will help you figure out the impact you want to make upon hers. My suggestion is to participate in the meetings. Request to join in the principal/teacher meeting, request a meeting between you & her parents and the principal and teacher. If things still dont improve then move up to the district office, then the superintendant, then to the state school board. The law isnt really going to handle this is a simple manner. They are either going to brush you off and make you feel unvalidated which is going to make you feel a need to take more drastic measures to feel as though this is being handled, OR they'll punish her legally and the only way to do that is to label a 7 year old girl as a sex offender when she really just needs to be taught boundaries and appropriate behavior.

    I understand all too well that intense need to protect our "baby" and want to go for the throat on anything that seems to not treat things as severely as we want, but always try to remember the impact you are putting on the other child as well and what would be a better resolution for everyone.

    Quoting vinalex0581:

    i agree. i don't want to get the media involved but if she continues to kiss him, SHE'S doing wrong, not my son, so why should my son feel like he's being punished? how else do i get my point across? get a laywer after them? file a report with the police? press charges?

    Quoting tattdmom2prncss:

     I wouldnt get the media involved here, personally. I dont think it's as muc of a sexist ct as much as an age idea. They are probably imaginging that she is too young to fully understand what she is doing (which MAY be true but not an excuse) and this is probably the first time this principal has had to deal with a situation like this since he seems to notknow what to do. Of course this is something that needs to stop immediately and not continue any further, but, again, think getting the media involved will take things to a much more severe level. Keep inmind that this will impact both of these kids for the rest of their lives so if you go to themedia this is something that will hang over both of their heads. I


     

  • blondie805
    October 2, 2012 at 1:13 PM
    I am floored at the whole situation!! I cannot believe that a school in this day, would allow this kind of behavior. My son threatened to kiss a boy because he wouldn't leave him alone. (He was 5 and just wanted the boy to leave him alone) and the school threatened to suspend him. That was almost 20 years ago. Have we gone backwards or something? Punishing your son because one little girl cannot keep her hands or her lips to herself. You have been as nice as you can. Stop. don't let the school make your son out to be the problem. Make them deal with the little girl.
  • justme00
    October 2, 2012 at 1:44 PM

    ok hole the damn phone. So a girl in your sons class touched his penis, then at a birthday party a differnt kid kissed your sons penis?? Do I have that right?

     

      If so I am sorry but where in the hell where you or the other kids parents at said party? And it sounds to me like you need to find your son a better group of friends.

    Quoting vinalex0581:

    yup, on top of all of this.

    my son was at his friends house this past summer for a birthday party and his friend kissed my sons penis.

    ugh!!

    i hate where this is heading.

    i was sexual molested and abused since i was 5 years old.

    Quoting splatz:

    Poor guy, that seems like so much to deal with so early for him.

    While experimentation is normal it just seems so early for this little girl to be acting that way. Or maybe its just wishful thinking on my part that kids are that sexually curious so young?



  • apoynter
    October 2, 2012 at 2:14 PM

        Sounds like sexual harrassment.  I'd point that out to the principal....and Courtney's parents. 

        Courtney's parents might think this is cute...but you need to let THEM know that this is no laughing matter..and if they don't correct the situation....that you will. 

       As far as Courtney blaming your little boy for her being in trouble....I'd tell him that he should say, "If you were making good choices, then you wouldn't be punished.  "   or something along that line.....make sure that he is 'armed' should she confront him again.

     Good luck.

  • Knightquester
    October 2, 2012 at 2:24 PM

    Not necessarily if the situation were reversed would your child be suspended.

    When my eldest was in first grade she had an incident similar to this happen to her by a boy, he did everything from touching her to pulling up her skirt to the point where she was too embarrassed at the idea of wearing skirts and dresses because of the boy.  The boy was "watched" carefully, and they kept them separated.  Eventually he was moved from the class to a different room because it did escalate, but he was never suspended and from what I had heard he wasn't even talked to.

    I guess my point is each school does handle things differently, I feel for your son given he did nothing wrong and doesn't deserve to be moved around when it is somebody else's child's issue.  My best suggestion is to stay strong, and keep advocating for your son, explain you will not accept him moving classrooms but you do want Courtney to be moved if they cannot supervise a child they're in charge of well enough.

    I also suggest talking to the kid's mother that had said Courtney was trouble, having more than one parent getting in and shedding light on a situation may cause the school to realize just how troublesome little Courtney is and how many people have had issues with her.

    If they still think moving your son is wise let them know again you won't allow it but you will go to the board of education, which is over the principles head, to resolve this issue that apparently the school is unable to.  Stick to your guns and stay strong; you're doing the right thing not buckling.  I would media attention on the situation after you've exhausted all avenues to resolve the issue.

  • Knightquester
    October 2, 2012 at 2:31 PM

    You never know what's going on in Courtney's home and she may be in that class because of a certain reason, but it doesn't mean that your son should suffer because.

    A different incident that had happened to my child was when she was chocked on the playground by a little girl.  Well not even a week after that the little girl showed up across from my house and was living with the people who I knew took in foster care children.

    I finally went in and had a talk with the teacher privately and she said she's unable to disclose a child's home life or even if they are foster children, but since I already knew then yes the little girl had been through a hard life and was labeled a problem child.  She was placed in the classroom that was most likely to help her get over some of her issues, the child however being a foster child didn't stay in that class or school for even more than three-four months before being transferred to another home.  I feel bad for the little girl, but part of me also felt a little scared, she was always angry and a very violent child to her peers for somebody so young.  As a mother my heart went out to her, but as a mother, as mean and selfish as it sounds, I also didn't want her near my children because she had the tendency to harm many who were around her.

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