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SMalterer
Grandparent drama
September 24, 2012 at 10:14 PM

My parents are going through a divorce right now after 24, seemingly happy years of marriage. They told us at christmas last year. And since then my father has told me he has wanted a divorce from my mother for over 10 years and that I am the only reason why they stayed together. I have a younger sister who is 11. He has wavied his parental rights until the divorce is over supposidly. He does not seem to care. He has disowned my half sister and keeps blowing me and my other half sister off. I have a 2 month old son now and he has seen him once, at the hospital. 

Is it wrong for me to deny him the privelge of seeing his grandson if he is not going to make an effort to keep his already leary relationships with his daughters? He has also had a girlfriend for the last year my parents were together and seems to have intergrated himself into her family. His girlfriend makes quite a bit of money. I am just so irriated at his behavior. I want to scream, cry, punch, and spit on him. My husband has been great, but know the situation is getting to him also. Any words of advice for a mom torn?

Replies

  • maddpw
    by maddpw
    September 26, 2012 at 12:53 AM
    I would let him see his grandchild. Maybe someday he will wake up and realize what he's lost but it's not fair to any child to deny a relationship with their grandparent. If there is any chance he would possibly hurt your child either mentally or physically then of course it is your duty to keep your kids away from him. But if your reason is just because he's insensitive and uncaring then your kids will figure that out on their own. Good luck!!
  • MomTiara19
    September 26, 2012 at 7:29 AM

    My step dad did something similar.He is the only father figure I ever knew.My mom died years ago.He has a new girlfriend and life now.My kids are older but still hurt and confused.

    I would try talking to your dad about your feelings and concerns.You may have to just accept him as he is.Decide if it is worth him being a fair weather grandfather.How will this relationship affect your kids?

    Good Luck,Tia

  • busybee13
    September 26, 2012 at 8:49 AM
    i would let your dad see him if he visits at your house and when you or your husband is around so you can make sure that he doesnt say or do anything you dont approve of. i do this with my inlaws and it works, if they want to see them they have to come to my house we dont go to thier house anymore. good luck
  • GagaNTattooS
    September 26, 2012 at 8:52 AM
    My really dad is a idiot. And I told him if he was going to come in and out of my life or my sons life. He need not come around...been 10 years. And my step dad is amazing
  • Fyrestar68
    September 26, 2012 at 11:00 AM
    I wouldn't go out of my way to arrange any meetings, but I would give him a chance first...talk to him, let him know it's not ok for him to put you or your kids through the emotional stress...if he isn't going to be a grandfather then he shouldn't raise their hopes up.
  • 1smartcookie
    September 26, 2012 at 11:17 AM

     No, not at all.

    Quoting SMalterer:

    Is it wrong for me to deny him the privelge of seeing his grandson if he is not going to make an effort to keep his already leary relationships with his daughters? 

     

  • SMalterer
    January 4, 2013 at 4:05 PM

    I appreciate everyones advice. I have tried talking to my dad about how I feel and he just blows me off. I try to make time to have dinner with him and he says okay then never shows up. I am just going to have to play it by ear and since he is being a dick, I guess kill him with kindness.

    My father in law is being a great father figure to me now, but I am worried for him because he is starting to relapse back into alcoholism. I work on an med/surg floor and I have seen first hand what it does to a person. I just don't know if it is out of my authority to speak up or not. Ahh, drama of life.

  • bellawomen
    January 4, 2013 at 4:40 PM

    I have always said...you have to be a parent before you can be a grandparent.

    So, if he is going to treat your sisters like that, I think you need to stand up for your sisters.  If he can't stand up and be the man your sisters need him to be, then why do you want that type of person in your son's life?  Do you want your son to think its acceptable for a father to walk away from his children?

  • Shaybay218
    January 4, 2013 at 5:02 PM

    im sorry

  • SMalterer
    January 4, 2013 at 5:12 PM

     

    Quoting bellawomen:

    I have always said...you have to be a parent before you can be a grandparent.

    So, if he is going to treat your sisters like that, I think you need to stand up for your sisters.  If he can't stand up and be the man your sisters need him to be, then why do you want that type of person in your son's life?  Do you want your son to think its acceptable for a father to walk away from his children?

     I don't think that is acceptable. I would hope he would follow my husbands examples instead of my fathers example. My husband has been awesome throughout this whole ordeal and has been very supportive. I am just done with my dad though. I am done trying, I thought maybe time would make it better, but it hasn't.

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