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Rojas16
Time to come out of my shell... ( advise please)
by Rojas16
August 18, 2012 at 11:02 AM
Hello everyone,
This is my first post and first time really using the site. But I wanted some advise. And a chance to break out of my shell. I have 2 amazing children. A 5 year old girl and a one year old boy. And over the process of being married having kids and gaining weight I have lost a lot of who i use to be. Very outgoing. Lots of friends. Funny. And I love being a Mom. But I miss interaction and friends. I have found myself to be depressed about it. Which makes me lazy. Which does not help that I want to lose weight. And for some reason I can't get off my butt and do something about it. I get anxiety thinking about it. And get nervous talking to people much less trying to hang out. But I need to. I sick of feeling alone. Just cause I am a Mom. And my kids would love to have more friends to. So anyone ever feel like this? And what advice do you have?

Thanks for reading. Looking forward to hearing from you.

Replies

  • kaffedrikke
    August 18, 2012 at 11:09 AM
    Start small. Maybe Sunday church if you go? Invite one person over for a lunch. Ask a froend to go on a walk with you. I dont do well in groups of people I prefer one on one.
  • smallfry3280
    August 18, 2012 at 11:27 AM

    i am at the same point with the weight thing. my daughter is 2.5 and son is 3 months. i feel gross and i WANT to feel better. i totally feel like i gave up who i used to be and the life i led when i got married. i used to have a ton of friends bt after marrying, levaing my job and having kids... we grew apart. i feel just like that. i am sorry...its not fun... but i am here if you ever want to message me.

  • Rojas16
    by Rojas16
    August 18, 2012 at 11:38 AM

    Yes That is just how i feel. And have felt for years now. But always had reason to not start a life of friendships cause my husband was in the military  so i always new we would move. But now he is out we are in cali to stay so i think its time to build a life and friendships but have been slacking.  And even though my kids bring me so much joy. And i would not changebeing with them all the time.  I just miss having a friend to go to target with or have a drink with set up to let kids play together. I think if i were more happy with all that i would be up and moving more. and get get started on my weight loss.  Where are you from?  

  • Saphira1207
    August 18, 2012 at 11:56 AM

    Re: exercise - start with a half hour walk 2 times a day.  Take the kids with you if you want or only for one and the other is "your time".  As they get older and you get faster they can bike along while you walk.  You could, if you are feeling up to it, start a walking group for a little social interaction as well.  Sparkpeople.com has an area where you can find others in your area to get together to exercise if you feel like trying that.  It's free.

    Re: your depression (yes, you're depressed) and anxiety - see a doctor.  They can usually help with meds but also the daily walks will do wonders!  I work at a mental health facility and the usual advice about interacting usually involves a medicine and slowly working your way into being around other people again and exercise, exercise, exercise.  Walking is their favorite suggestion to get people started with out causing an increase in symptoms.  :D

    The exercise will increase those feel good endorphins (even just a gentle walk does it!) and you will be around other people without the pressure of having to actually talk to them yet.  So it would be the first step in working on your social anxiety.


    Quoting Rojas16:

    Hello everyone,
    This is my first post and first time really using the site. But I wanted some advise. And a chance to break out of my shell. I have 2 amazing children. A 5 year old girl and a one year old boy. And over the process of being married having kids and gaining weight I have lost a lot of who i use to be. Very outgoing. Lots of friends. Funny. And I love being a Mom. But I miss interaction and friends. I have found myself to be depressed about it. Which makes me lazy. Which does not help that I want to lose weight. And for some reason I can't get off my butt and do something about it. I get anxiety thinking about it. And get nervous talking to people much less trying to hang out. But I need to. I sick of feeling alone. Just cause I am a Mom. And my kids would love to have more friends to. So anyone ever feel like this? And what advice do you have?

    Thanks for reading. Looking forward to hearing from you.


  • MistressMinerva
    August 18, 2012 at 12:33 PM

    Give yourself goals but start out small and work your way up. Eventually you will get where you want to be. Good Luck!

  • delanna6two
    August 18, 2012 at 1:06 PM

    Hope something works out for you!

  • luvmybug
    August 18, 2012 at 1:12 PM

    i'm in the same boat, well sans the weight thing. i miss interacting with people and i don't really have any friends. i feel like i've lost all my social skills and i get nervous talking to people where as before i was very outgoing. 

  • Knightquester
    August 18, 2012 at 1:22 PM

    It really is hard to move states a lot and then try to reconnect with others.  I firmly believe it gets harder the older one gets because we're more aware of the various types of people out there we don't want our family exposed to, so we're more cautious and through our caution we can often cause ourselves to become isolated.

    Where at are you in California?  Regardless of your location I do know there are loads of moms meet-up groups you can join and try to meet other women that are more than likely going through the exact same thing. Here's one site you can find a group in your area: http://moms.meetup.com/ .  Don't give up on trying to meet others, because if you try eventually you'll start making connections.

    As for loosing weight that also will come with time.  I agree with a previous poster that if you're just so depressed to get up and do something then you might want to talk to a doctor and get on something that will make you feel less scared, anxious and depressed.  If you're not wanting to try this route then I would try to start with walking your kids around your neighborhood, maybe joining a gym that the kids can go to while you work out, or joining an extra curricular with the kids and possibly husband... martial arts is a great family extra curricular that will allow you to work out and meet others.

    No matter what don't give up.  The older one gets the more we redefine who we are, and you haven't lost who you are it's just you haven't figured out who you've fully become besides mother and wife.  You sound like a very strong and good person so I do hope you find that spark in yourself and feel better soon.

  • SlapItHigh
    August 18, 2012 at 9:21 PM

    Maybe you could join Weight Watchers and go to the meetings and meet people at the same time?  Or meet people at the Y or at any gym?  Join a local playgroup/mom's group and see if any of the other moms want to start walking with you on a daily basis.  Usually moms jump at the chance in the local groups I've been in.  Another option is Stroller Strides.  You could see if you have a local group or start your own.  Good luck!

  • Rojas16
    by Rojas16
    August 18, 2012 at 9:54 PM
    Thanks everyone for your words of encouragement. It's really refreshing to read and know there's good people out there. :)
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