I am just beside myself. My family celebrated Christmas together back home in KS yesterday. My oldest sister (I'm the baby of 3 girls) has 2 boys ages 16 and 18 (her 18 yo is living with my mom). We lost our dad in June, and she took my son to go to the funeral home to see his body without my permission. I was led to believe that they were going to the flower shop. I felt this was a time for my kids to be with me. This was the first death any of my kids have experienced that they were old enough to understand. I was absolutely infuriated. Each of our families were supposed to go up separately so we could have our own quiet personal moments. Needless to say, there were MAJOR issues when I found out where they had gone.
Yesterday, she went over the top. My sister is rather liberal, the complete opposite of the rest of the family. We just don't see eye to eye on raising kids. When she showed up at our Mom's house, she brought in a bottle of chocolate vodka and announced that it was for the adults and HER boys. :O REALLY??? Okay, fine, they're you're boys and I have no say in what you allow your kids to do. BUT, when I went into the living room to check on the younger kids, she gave my oldest ds a drink of it!!!! I didn't know about it until about 10 minutes later when she told me she gave him a drink. I came UNGLUED on her. I reminded her that my kids are my kids and she needs to ask me before doing things like that. Then I asked her why she never does inappropriate things with our sister's kids (also ages 16 and 18... she also has a 22 year old who's in Afghanistan), and she wouldn't answer me. I have a ZERO tolerance for MY kids drinking underage. My ds got grounded right in front of her for making a bad decision. We have had talks about alcohol and drugs, and he knew where I stood. Since it was his aunt giving it to him, and I was in the house, he thought I would be okay with it. When I grounded him, I told him how disappointed in him I was, and that I don't know how I'm going to be able to trust him. If he's going to take a drink of alcohol while I'm in the same house; what is he going to do if he's at a friend's house when I'm not around?
It just breaks my heart knowing that my son, at age 15, has already had his first drink of alcohol. :( Luckily, he didn't get mad when I grounded him. He apologized and admitted that he had made a bad decision.
I live 3 hours away from my family and normally only see her 2-3x a year. (Thank God.) 2011 was certainly different with the illness and death of our father.
There are so many things in her life that I don't agree with, not just when it comes to the kids. At the age of 44, she's extremely irresponsible in so many ways. She doesn't work, sits on her ass and doesn't lift a finger around the house (leaves everything to her dh and ds) her hubby makes great money, but they blow it on things like concerts, weekend get aways, NFL season tickets, jewelry... etc. Then expect my mom to pay their bills. My folks bailed them out of foreclosure 6x in 2 years. Dad finally bought their house. There is no way they should be struggling financially.
I would be angry too! If your sister can not respect the fact that you are the parent then maybe she needs some time away from you and your kids.