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Perfect Toddler Behavior In 3 Easy Steps
August 14, 2011 at 6:49 PM

I saw this in The Stir - How do you get your kids to behave?

Perfect Toddler Behavior In 3 Easy Steps
Posted by April Peveteaux on August 14, 2011

If you're reading this, you might not have the perfect toddler. I mean, I have the perfect toddler, but not everyone can. Ahem. You see, after way too many stares from confused elderly diners at local restaurants, a handful of "accidental" shoplifting incidents from the grocery store, and approximately 34 shredded library books, I've finally got this toddler behavior thing figured out.

It's simple, really. And I can't believe I didn't come up with these three amazing solutions before now. I could have spared that nice lady on the plane a split ear drum, and the UPS man might be willing to come back to my house without fear of getting kicked in the balls. But that's all in the past.

Look no further! Follow these three steps and you'll be able to take your toddler anywhere without shame. Just like me.

1. Keep Shoving Food Into Them

Yep, whether it's in the back seat of the car, or at the outdoor kid concert series, if you want any peace, shove a roll in that loud hole. Once they're full, break out the candy bars. They'll never turn down that stuff. Once they get sick of that, they'll be so strung out they won't know where they are, and you can exit with minimal hitting and screaming. Win-win.

2. Cash Prizes

My kids never got quite so into "The Quiet Game" until I started offering cash to the winner. Now those two are so competitive, I'll probably never hear from either of them ever again. Success!

3. Let Them Live Until 30

You see, the toddler stage doesn't last forever. And if you just keep them alive until they hit their 30s, you'll see that this kind of unacceptable public behavior will no longer occur! It's just like magic.

How do you whip your toddler into shape?

Replies

  • Maddies_mom101
    August 14, 2011 at 7:12 PM

    LOL love it .... duct tape him to the dog

  • othermom
    August 14, 2011 at 8:21 PM

    lol, those might actually work

  • thenguyenclan
    August 14, 2011 at 9:08 PM


    Quoting othermom:

    lol, those might actually work



    LOL

  • LOswald0314
    August 15, 2011 at 1:53 AM

     Lol! I love this.

  • LindaClement
    August 15, 2011 at 11:10 AM

    This is hilarious!

    I, of course, had perfect toddlers. As long as everyone understood that they were in charge of everything at all times, we had perfect peace on earth...

    I recommend 'caving in immediately' as a major strategy.

  • lovinangels
    August 15, 2011 at 11:56 AM

    I give them a choice. It puts them into power immediately. 

    for instance, "I want candy!" 

    Momma has carrots, an apple, or crackers, what would like to pick?  It's got a seventy percent success rate as long as the coveted option is no longer in plain sight. Read: hide the damn candy.

  • LindaClement
    August 15, 2011 at 12:00 PM

    Oh, sure. Go around being sensible.

    How do you expect to get along in society with that attitude?!?

    Quoting lovinangels:

    I give them a choice. It puts them into power immediately. 

    for instance, "I want candy!" 

    Momma has carrots, an apple, or crackers, what would like to pick?  It's got a seventy percent success rate as long as the coveted option is no longer in plain sight. Read: hide the damn candy.


  • armywife1229
    August 15, 2011 at 12:02 PM

    #1 reason I don't buy it. Because DH will eat it and then DS will want some too. 

    And this time DH = damn (stupid) husband

    Quoting lovinangels:

    I give them a choice. It puts them into power immediately. 

    for instance, "I want candy!" 

    Momma has carrots, an apple, or crackers, what would like to pick?  It's got a seventy percent success rate as long as the coveted option is no longer in plain sight. Read: hide the damn candy.


  • USAFamily
    August 15, 2011 at 12:12 PM

     I'm goin gto try these. I still don't know how to keep my (now preshooler) in shape!

  • USAFamily
    August 15, 2011 at 12:13 PM

     I just realized I misspelled preschooler. But I'm not changing it b/c it reminds me of Megamind lmao 'Shool'

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