Mom to Mom

Custody issues
July 28, 2011 at 11:43 PM

Hey ladies. I have a lot going on and really need some major advice. First and formost, I was married to a guy in the military for almost 5 years and we got divorced because he cheated on me while I was in Florida taking our son to Disney world. We had a hard marriage and probably should have been divorced with in the first year of marriage, but we stuck it out for our son. Needless to say after time it got better after our son was born then skyrocketed down hard. I had a lot going on with my drug addict mother who put me through the mill all the time and we had no family with only few friends around us. So, we were around each other all the time. My ex husbands job was EXTREAMLY stressful ( Air Traffic Control, one of the top ten divorce/ suicide) and could not help it to take work home with him. We were both 21, he was new in the military, got married and pregnant rather quickly and did not have time to enjoy the great things young married people do. So, it all caused a divorce. I went through a major emotional roller coaster and many many breakdowns due to the obvious and the emotional abuse he caused. After coming home from taking my son to Disney we had sex as any normal couple do and as far as I knew everything was ok. Not to mention he told his mother weeks before we left for the trip that he wanted to start having more kids with me. We lay down to go to bed the next day and he lays on me that he wants a divorce. I was sad, but thought it was just another one of his threats because we got into a tiff right before bed, so I brushed it off and cried myself to bed (not an abnormal thing). The next day he came home from work and we had a serious talk and he still wanted the divorce. I pondered and pondered the idea of a divorce and could not figure out what happen from the time that I left and the time I came back. My cousin just so happen to come back with me to stay at our house for a month. Her and I were sitting on the couch and she popped off and said  " I think he's cheating on you" I replied "no way, he would NEVER do that, he would hit me before he would ever cheat". Low and behold after lots of investigation, I was 99% sure that he did the dirty. I confronted him, he tried to deny it and then finally he confessed. We went through the divorce and my son was almost 4 at the time. My ex got orders to OK just about 3 months beforethe decree was final. When he told me I had my own apartment and everything was going better. I lost it and thought there was no way that I could take care of my son by myself with out going to school and getting some type of degree or certificate, which I planned to do for some time. At first I was going to have sole custody of my son and then reality hit me and I knew that was impossible, so my ex and I made a verbal agreement that once I went through school and got on my feet that Skyler would be with me and I would gain sole custody over our son. My ex came to me with the revised decree and it stated that he would have sole custody and no where did it state that I would gain sole custody at a later date. My ex told me that the lawyer would not approve that on the decree because it had to have a straight answer, but my ex assured me that no matter what the decree says I should trust his word. So, I trusted him. It's now been over three years and I don't have custody of my son because my ex denies the agreement. I travel to OK every time I want to see him, I was there for his eye surgery that just took place, I purchase the things that he needs and some wants that he needs while he is with me. The only decent thing that my ex agreed to was he did not want to accept any child support from me, he had in the decree that I would pay half of all out of pocket medical costs. Now, my ex does not spend much time with our son, he whips him with a belt and our son says he loves his dad, but is afraid of him when he comes home from work. I have told my ex numourse times that I would not ask for any money at all if he would just let me have sole custody over our son. He always says he is taking care of things. My ex is remarried and between the two of them they have 5 kids, he plays video games all the time and my son never talks about going very many places or doing very many things. He always says that he watches TV or plays video games. I have tried talking to several lawyers and they tell me that I would have to basically prove that he is being neglected or abused in order to have a chance. Plus, I live with my finacee' and we temporarily reside with his mother while we save money to get a house instead of throwing money toward an apartment. So, there are several things that are against me right now if I attempted the whole court thing. I just don't know what to do. Its so hard and I'm scared to make a move because I don't want it to be the wrong one. Please any help or suggestions is needed.  BTW, sorry for the choppy writing I had so many things going through my head while writing this. Thanks so much for your time :0)


  • mommyluvskyler
    August 4, 2011 at 7:01 PM

    Thank you Nikki, I appreciate the support.

  • bramamber
    August 4, 2011 at 7:34 PM

    Quoting betsystipo:

     I'm sorry I don't have any advice either really.  Get a good lawyer and fight w/ all your heart and soul!

  • paganbaby
    August 4, 2011 at 8:13 PM
    Quoting betsystipo:

     I'm sorry I don't have any advice either really.  Get a good lawyer and fight w/ all your heart and soul!

  • Mom_Of_3_Angelz
    August 5, 2011 at 5:14 AM

    Awe Hun I know what you're going through hand I am so sorry. I don't see my babies and it's killing me! If you haven't seen my post already I am fighting for my two babies that my X took off with. Anything you buy for your child; save the receipt. That's considered child support. There are some lawyers that will take your case for cheap. Check with local colleges to see if there are any available think they are called prbono lawyers?. They are usually younger kids fresh out of college trying to makes name for themselves; but a lot of them will fight harder for this very reason then a court appointed one; they want to make a name for themselves! If he is hitting your son with a belt; that's abuse. If your son is willing; talk to a CPS worker. That will prove him unfit right there. I am fighting tooth and nail to prove my X unfit; and it's along and hard process (he abused me). I wish you the BEST OF LUCK! ((((((HUGS))))))

  • mommyluvskyler
    August 5, 2011 at 5:03 PM

    Thank you so much!! I will look into that. If I find out anything additionally I will contact you if I think it would help you out as well. So, if your ex was abusive why don't the courts grant you custody? Are you not able to locate your ex with your children? I will pray for you as well and I wish you the very best. I have thought about getting a hold of CPS, but I'm affraid that since I don't have my own place that the courts will take my son away all together. My finacee' and I are working hard to get our own place and should have that taken care of with in the next couple months. As soon as I have that I plan to get the lawyer working on my case. I have a couple lawyers in mind, but I did'nt know about the young/ still in training lawyers. I'll look into that. I try to save all receipts and anything that I can that would help me when I go to court. I have several things that I have saved that will also help in court as well. Please keep me informed on your battle with your children. I pray that you get justice and in the end God will be the one who makes that final decision. God be with you and your family. Love always the one above :0)

  • babowes
    by babowes
    August 6, 2011 at 9:52 AM

    mAN MOMMA!   Every day get up and step in the right direction.  Think positively, join a church!  Many local people may help you!

  • mandi3240
    September 2, 2011 at 12:54 PM

    wow my ex did the same thing! Military men are a joke. All for that little bit of extra cash. My ex got remarried and now they are seperated that should tell ya something right lol. Anytime he gets a new weekly girl he makes these excuses why i am not allowed to see my kids. thought i was the only wife that trusted my soon to be ex husband. Alls i can say is pay the extra price for the right lawyer do not even waste your money on a worthless cheap lawyer why ........ because they are worthless. I couldnt even speak in court and i could of used an expensive attorney that new what they were doing. i spent every second with my kids and then one day i decided to leave a piece of sh** abusive PIG and thats what i get i guess. Perfect example why battered women STAY.  for me the problem is money also attorneys arent cheap and my scariest thought is my children saying when they are 18 " you tried , but why didnt you try harder"? It is a tough spot to be caught up in , unfortunately! my daughter tells me all the time she cant stand living with her DAD and she wants to live with me but whats a mother to do thats barely making her self.  You have to be a strong person to still be standing in the end just hope my kids forgive me if i never find a way to get them back. its been five years for me and everyday is a tough thing to go through. I hope you find a way out , you sound like you deserve it.

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