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packermom4ever
Take her to court!
April 24 at 3:39 PM

How many of you that give that "advice" have actually ever been? 

It isn't cheap, it isn't easy, and most don't want to go.

And if the advice is given to a SM whining about what mom isnt  doing while her husband isn't doing those things being whined about either, he isn't going to win. 

Replies

  • Annawest
    April 24 at 3:43 PM

    I've not been to court.  My SO has.  Unfortunately, in his case it was because everytime he tried to co-parent with BM the response was, "take me to court".  He wanted coparenting, she didn't. So after 3 years, he took her to court. It backfired for her as he is now the primary custodian of the child, with BM ordered to pay CS.

  • packermom4ever
    April 24 at 3:48 PM

    I've been to court. One time only. My ex wanted it and it backfired on him. I didn't want to go. It took about 6 months from beginning to end and thousands of dollars. 

    And now here we are not following it and he isn't even around to follow it. It was a waste of time and money and I do what I want anyway.

  • Singlemama52
    April 24 at 3:53 PM
    What about if you have a toddler who is in intensive therapy due to being delayed from prematurity.. And the therapy can place the toddler on hold, but his place will not be there when he gets back from dads 30 day visitation.

    The dad doesn't check in with CP nor therapist regarding how the child is doing and if the child is progressing. The father refuses to acknowledge the child may need some help and thinks his 30 day visitation is more important, and the CP has sent the evaluation the child had to NCP.

    CP offered to split the 30 days of summer up to one week a month starting from May to August but NCP won't agree.

    Is that court worthy? NCP is far away too and would not be able to take the child to therapy.

    Quoting packermom4ever:

    I've been to court. One time only. My ex wanted it and it backfired on him. I didn't want to go. It took about 6 months from beginning to end and thousands of dollars. 

    And now here we are not following it and he isn't even around to follow it. It was a waste of time and money and I do what I want anyway.

  • melyndaann
    April 24 at 3:57 PM

    If you think it's court worthy, then it is...
    Plain and simple.

    Quoting Singlemama52: What about if you have a toddler who is in intensive therapy due to being delayed from prematurity.. And the therapy can place the toddler on hold, but his place will not be there when he gets back from dads 30 day visitation. The dad doesn't check in with CP nor therapist regarding how the child is doing and if the child is progressing. The father refuses to acknowledge the child may need some help and thinks his 30 day visitation is more important, and the CP has sent the evaluation the child had to NCP. CP offered to split the 30 days of summer up to one week a month starting from May to August but NCP won't agree. Is that court worthy? NCP is far away too and would not be able to take the child to therapy.
    Quoting packermom4ever:

    I've been to court. One time only. My ex wanted it and it backfired on him. I didn't want to go. It took about 6 months from beginning to end and thousands of dollars. 

    And now here we are not following it and he isn't even around to follow it. It was a waste of time and money and I do what I want anyway.

     

  • Steamedpuddle30
    April 24 at 3:59 PM
    It just sounds good but it isn't realistic in a lot of stitches.
  • FreedomTruth
    April 24 at 4:02 PM

    I have been to court for the first go round, but if it is on a contempt charge I probably would not get an attorney so it wouldn't be that expensive. Filing for contempt of an order most people can do on their own. If there is true neglect then I do think it is worth it. Yes my court was expensive, but due to the circumstances it was worth it. I never complained about the money spent because it was for my kid's benefit.

  • packermom4ever
    April 24 at 4:07 PM


    Quoting FreedomTruth:

    I have been to court for the first go round, but if it is on a contempt charge I probably would not get an attorney so it wouldn't be that expensive. Filing for contempt of an order most people can do on their own. If there is true neglect then I do think it is worth it. Yes my court was expensive, but due to the circumstances it was worth it. I never complained about the money spent because it was for my kid's benefit.

    I complain only because we all saw this coming. He was fighting because someone was funding the bill - he didn't want to fight, but his parents threatened to disown him. They wanted the kids and there are no grandparent rights in this state. 

    They have money, I didn't have it at the time. I was begging and borrowing. At the time it was a good thing because I didn't want to lose them, but now, with how things have turned out it was a waste. All he had to do was tell his parents no. 

  • pdxmum
    by pdxmum
    April 24 at 4:18 PM

    Court should be an absolute last resort and never something done in anger or high emotion.

    I never have had to go to court with BF.  For whatever reason his memory of our initial divorce was that it was awful and my attorney screwed him over.  After marrying DH and reading horror stories here, I know for a fact our divorce was as easy as could be and that my attorney helped him in ways he has no clue about.  I was a raving angry bitch out to hurt the bastard.  My attorney wouldn't let me.  Any conflict we have had since then, and there have been a lot, I manage to work out strategically.  And because BF has some inherent fear of courtrooms and lawyers, he never threatened legal action.

    BM on the other hand decided she needed a judge to prove to the world what an awful man DH was.  I wish I was kidding.  That woman had a lot of pent up emotion about a divorce that happened 5 years before this event.  She fired two attorneys and then she found the crazy one who promised her the world and agreed with everything she said.  It was the oddest legal proceeding I have ever been involved in.  Long story short, BM ended up getting nothing she wanted except the right to not have me cover her kids on insurance like she had agreed to because it was the smartest financial move.  Whatever, no money out of my pocket either way.  She got a worse financial deal that DH offered before lawyers were involved by a full half and DH got more time with his kids than he had originally thought possible.

    Still, I know DH would have preferred to be paying more to BM than the ugly havoc she created emotionally with skids during and after the trial.  Going to court rarely works out for anyone, even if you win.

    Avoid court at all costs.

  • SM36477
    by SM36477
    April 24 at 4:19 PM

     BM hauls us to court multiple times a year.  We have an Attorney that we keep on retainer, he also handles some business things for us.  Now that BM is trying to stop us from taking SS to Disney, we will finally be requesting that she pay our Attorney's fees.  Maybe hitting her in her wallet will stop all of the frivolous court drama.

    FYI - BM doesn't pay for her Attorney, he parents do. 

  • ladybugchick317
    April 24 at 4:19 PM

     DH and I were doing everything for my stepkids and they were even living with us so we did take her to court and got custody. She was so out of their lives at that point that it only took dh 4 days (from going to the atty to having the custody order in hand) to get them.

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