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packermom4ever
If a SK...
November 26, 2013 at 10:24 PM

Doesn't want a SP at an event - be it birthday, wedding, graduation, etc, is it "tough luck, kid" or should their wishes be respected?

Is the respect contingent upon whether or not the SP agrees with the kids reason?

Ex: Graduation.  Only a certain number of tickets available.  Kid makes it clear that they are for dad, mom, siblings only.  Is this an issue for the parent to fight - SP over sibling - or do wishes get respected?

Sweet 16, SK doesn't want a SP there because they know parent and SP do not get along and since this is a biggish party (*hypothetically) the parents went in together on it.  SM and mom, for example, are unable to hide their disdain of one another, so to keep things less tense the kid says only parents, no SPs.

Add your own scenarios if you like.

Replies

  • amanda_mom89
    November 26, 2013 at 10:34 PM
    I would think any decent/mature person would understand the family dynamics and would not want to be somewhere they weren't wanted or would cause conflict.

    But. I've been in this group for 2 years now and I know better. There are plenty of people who would put their need to be included over family harmony.

    I'm sure it doesn't feel nice to not be included. I'm not saying that. But a reasonable person wouldn't try to butt in anyway, IMO.
  • malinda74
    November 26, 2013 at 10:36 PM
    That's tough. I'm sure as CSM my feelings might be hurt but I'd understand the ticket scenario. After all, I'm not mom so no problem. The other scenarios aren't as likely for us because so far we are all able to behave as adults. I know things could change but I would personally never ask my kids to not invite SM to their wedding, grad party, etc.
  • leegirl_jm
    November 26, 2013 at 10:38 PM

    I don't think there is a one size fits all with family situations, in my family, I wouldn't impose on any special event for SS, only DH would be going to any future graduations. 

  • babie113
    November 26, 2013 at 10:39 PM
    I think it depends on the sp .things like this happened throughout my time as a csm and I always honored sd wishes . luckily for me this wasn't an issue much I was usually welcome to her events because her mom was usually not a part of sd life and that included sd graduation and parent meetings and soccer games
  • leegirl_jm
    November 26, 2013 at 10:45 PM

    How can there be family harmony if a member of the family is being excluded? If SS specifically excluded me, DH would not attend his special event, however if the exclusion is done to appease BM, then DH would go alone.

    Quoting amanda_mom89:

    I would think any decent/mature person would understand the family dynamics and would not want to be somewhere they weren't wanted or would cause conflict.

    But. I've been in this group for 2 years now and I know better. There are plenty of people who would put their need to be included over family harmony.

    I'm sure it doesn't feel nice to not be included. I'm not saying that. But a reasonable person wouldn't try to butt in anyway, IMO.


  • momof2ex1
    November 26, 2013 at 10:55 PM
    I had the graduation ticket problem. My wishes were respected however, I never lived it down and was not welcome in their home any more.
  • pdxmum
    by pdxmum
    November 26, 2013 at 11:00 PM

    My DDs truly enjoy that all her parental units can get along for their events.  I couldn't always do it with BF.  I would be saddened if the adults couldn't figure it out so everyone could be there.

    But as far as limited tickets go, SPs rank below BPs and siblings.  And in my case, my mom would have trumped a SP.  And again, luckily never faced it.

  • sandeeyo
    November 26, 2013 at 11:01 PM

    If the skids insisted that mom and dad go (anywhere, pick your place and issue) and I not attend, I wouldn't.  BUt that wouldn't stop me from going out and doing something MORE fun...like, go home to Maui and hang out with people that actually want me around! LOL

    But unless the skids start hating me, I doubt that will ever happen.  HS Graduation?  They are twins.  If one gets 4 tickets, the other one will get 4 tickets.  Sweet 16?  BM usually handles the birthday parties and will prob not invite us.  We'll just do our own, or take the girls somewhere special.

    But if they didn't want me around, I can always find something else to do, I'm not dependent on DH or his kids for things to do.

  • luckystars2012
    November 26, 2013 at 11:06 PM
    Depends on the event and location. Say, sk is having their 16yh birthday party at dad and sms home, and does not want sm there. Tough luck kid. You don't get to kick sm out of her own home.

    Graduation- sure as long as sk doesn't expect sm to contribute anything towards those expenses (my graduation wasn't cheap).

    I also think it could, depending on the family dynamic, be reasonable for the bp/sp to not financially contribute towards an event that either of them are excluded from.
  • Amani105
    November 26, 2013 at 11:08 PM
    Honestly ask your ex what he would think. If your child is doing it so that he or she is the center of attn and no drama I think that's sorta smart and cute of the kid. personally I understand I hate drama and I don't want to have a special occasion be it anything ruined cuz other ppl can't get along. but that's just something id do. It's not about you or anyone else. So I would think that you could give them just one day to themselves drama free and all the attn on them

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