Stepmom Central

HopesNDreams
'My own planet' - next chapter with SD16 in the mental facility
September 28, 2013 at 8:11 AM
Once SD16 was told that she was going to live with MIL, she became the sweetest little rosebud ever! That is, of course, until you challenge anything she says. Then, she cracks, almost yells, until she realizes people might see it. The therapist sees through it.

DH now has us on 'different planets' as get calls it. He feels it is the only way our marriage has a chance. This means I no longer have to participate in any therapy sessions, visits, transition meetings, etc. I am not refusing to - I am being removed from them. SD's therapist is not happy with it and thinks it will hurt her transition. MIL and I don't get along, so I am not sure how well therapy sessions would go with the two of us anyway.

MIL is convinced she will keep SD reigned in and will have no issues. She has been scheduling home visits (great!), but not checking with DH before scheduling them, so he isn't available during the time SD has been home. He looks terrible for a situation that he honestly is not at fault for. During one of the home visits, MIL took SD shopping and bought her $800 worth of new clothes. SD has gained 20 pounds in the last year and did not show MIL any of the clothes as she tried them on. A week later, it occurred to MIL that the size seemed strange and she asked SD if she is able to zip any of the clothes - SD said she plans to eat salad so that the will eventually fit! DH told me the size and they are all at least two sizes, if not three sizes too small! Had anyone asked, this would have been one if the situations I could have told them was extremely common with SD and new clothes.

I'm just happily spinning on my planet, though.

Replies

  • zannahdeux
    September 28, 2013 at 8:54 AM

    Enjoy letting others deal with what you have. They will learn soon enough.

  • SassyMom25
    September 28, 2013 at 8:47 PM
    Wow...$800 on clothes. I would probably make her work to earn them...especially since its essentially a waste of money if they don't fit. Glad you don't have to deal with her bs.
  • HopesNDreams
    September 28, 2013 at 9:28 PM
    I have no idea what they will do. MIL seemed to be under the impression that we were going to pay for them until DH set her straight. She used to pull this stuff with us all the time. We learned that she couldn't get anything until we saw her in it and if she got it inline, she had to immediately try it on and show us.

    It is hard to watch her pull the same stunts and know exactly how things will happen without intervening.


    Quoting SassyMom25:

    Wow...$800 on clothes. I would probably make her work to earn them...especially since its essentially a waste of money if they don't fit. Glad you don't have to deal with her bs.
  • OvertiredMommy
    September 29, 2013 at 9:58 AM
    My ss, 17 is now living with mil, who always thought he could do no wrong, after living with bm for 8 months. When he left our house, he ditched most of his clothes at the airport and bm had to replace them, accusing us of not buying him any. Now in the hearing for mil to get guardianship, mil informed us that she has had to buy him everything because he hasnt gotten new things in 18 months! She also is having issues with his lieing and refusing to shower. I pray to God that he doesnt get abusive because my inlaws are elderly! I just think its funny that mom and mil have had to deal with what I was such a monster for wanting him in either counseling or boot camp to deal with the behavior issues!
  • HopesNDreams
    September 29, 2013 at 1:07 PM
    I just shake my head at the time lost in having the same issues dealt with again and again because 'she won't pull that with me' or 'it's all SM's fault'.

    Quoting OvertiredMommy:

    My ss, 17 is now living with mil, who always thought he could do no wrong, after living with bm for 8 months. When he left our house, he ditched most of his clothes at the airport and bm had to replace them, accusing us of not buying him any. Now in the hearing for mil to get guardianship, mil informed us that she has had to buy him everything because he hasnt gotten new things in 18 months! She also is having issues with his lieing and refusing to shower. I pray to God that he doesnt get abusive because my inlaws are elderly! I just think its funny that mom and mil have had to deal with what I was such a monster for wanting him in either counseling or boot camp to deal with the behavior issues!
  • OvertiredMommy
    September 29, 2013 at 5:13 PM
    Me too! I worry because he will be 18 next July and doesnt have any basic respect for any thing or anyone. . These issues should have been handled before i even was in the situation

    Quoting HopesNDreams:

    I just shake my head at the time lost in having the same issues dealt with again and again because 'she won't pull that with me' or 'it's all SM's fault'.



    Quoting OvertiredMommy:

    My ss, 17 is now living with mil, who always thought he could do no wrong, after living with bm for 8 months. When he left our house, he ditched most of his clothes at the airport and bm had to replace them, accusing us of not buying him any. Now in the hearing for mil to get guardianship, mil informed us that she has had to buy him everything because he hasnt gotten new things in 18 months! She also is having issues with his lieing and refusing to shower. I pray to God that he doesnt get abusive because my inlaws are elderly! I just think its funny that mom and mil have had to deal with what I was such a monster for wanting him in either counseling or boot camp to deal with the behavior issues!
  • OvrMyHead
    September 29, 2013 at 9:41 PM
    I'm glad that sd is not in your home and that mil is dealing with her, you have enough on your plate, I too think its funny how someone else thinks they can step in and handle these situations, wonder how long sd will last at mil?
  • OvrMyHead
    September 29, 2013 at 9:41 PM
    Also, who spends 800 on clothes at one time? Yikes!
  • HopesNDreams
    September 30, 2013 at 6:47 AM
    There's no where else for her after that, so they have to make it work. She didn't complete her family therapy here, so coming back is not going to be an option. BM died a few years back (which obviously has contributed to the issues).

    Quoting OvrMyHead:

    I'm glad that sd is not in your home and that mil is dealing with her, you have enough on your plate, I too think its funny how someone else thinks they can step in and handle these situations, wonder how long sd will last at mil?
  • HopesNDreams
    September 30, 2013 at 7:00 AM
    Yikes indeed!

    There are two aspects to this. One is the practical. Yes, she did need a new wardrobe - a complete, 100%, new wardrobe. Shehas gained ttwenty pounds in the last year, without growing an inch from meds and poor eating habits. Also, her clothes have all been stolen, destroyed, or given away while she has been an inpatient. What she wears is all two sizes too small and not a style that would be appropriate in our community. In this sense, yes we knew a sizable amount would need to be spent in clothes when she was released.

    The second aspect relates to the bipolar. SD has always maintained what one therapist referred to as 'princess thinking' regarding DH and MIL. When DH was LD NCP, there was a lot of fun things during visits, naturally - a year's worth if treats squeezed into eight weeks of the year! When she came to live with us, SD though this was the norm. Going places with her, she would touch everything and say in a singsong voice 'oh my daaaadddy will buy my this!' Over and over again to the point where other shoppers would stare. She would never say please or thank you and would always demand another item (however, at home would be pitifully grateful for each and every mouthful of food and would thank you separately for it). When MIL would have her for visits during thus time, she would buy her gold jewelry - every visit! SD lost all of it and MIL would have a fit saying members of my family stole it and needed to give it back. SD just thinks it will all get replaced - it took years to undo that mess of an attitude.


    Quoting OvrMyHead:

    Also, who spends 800 on clothes at one time? Yikes!

Stepmom Central