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packermomof2
If men are such morons when it comes to ...
July 31, 2013 at 3:34 PM

 custody, mom, the kids, CO's, etc, please explain to me why any mom should treat them as an equal parent.

 

Replies

  • newstepmom61811
    July 31, 2013 at 7:08 PM
    He didn't go that route, he fought, tooth and nail, he didn't settle, other fathers don't have to either. There are many ways to fight.


    Quoting luckystars2012:

    That's my point though. He was able to get a lawyer, one way or another.



    How do you think your dh would hve fared if he wasn'table to somehow get a lawyer, and had to navigate the legal system on his own, as many dads have to try to do?




    Quoting newstepmom61811:

    Yup, didn't have a dime...set up a payment plan with a attorney willing to work with him...it was by NO means handed to him...fought like hell for two years against a BM who did not want the outcome that happened, with an attorney he really couldn't afford but that WOULD accept a payment plan...there is no free legal help for BMs here although it is a very mom friendly state...he FOUGHT!








    Quoting luckystars2012:Your dh had an attorney though. How well do you think he'd have fared if he couldn't have afforded one, esp if bm had given a crap, and esp if you Lived in a state where it's easy for moms to get free legal help?








    Quoting newstepmom61811:I think there are as many idiot men as women out there...DH has a beautiful CO set up that he and his attorney did just fine on...I've read it so I know what DHs rights, responsibilities, and schedule is for my own sake...BM has never even read her own divorce decree/CO, DH has to remind her all the time what's in it...she starts screaming about what her rights are and he has to refer her back to what the court did indeed take away and why he is making certain decisions or telling her no to something...he reminds her to read it so she understands...she never has...no gender has a monopoly on idiocy.







  • momofjkkc
    July 31, 2013 at 7:16 PM
    I don't think dh is and equal parent with bm. He knows the CO forward and back and could probably recite if in his sleep, he loves his daughters veery much and would give them the world if he could. He has always treated bm with respect.

    Here's the reason why I don't think he is equal. The girls live with bm, she is the one that takes care of their everyday needs, does the school functions (he goes when he can just hard with his work schedule), takes care of them when they are sick....basically she is the parent. Before osd turned 18 and we had to move, we had them every Saturday. Now we have ysd every other weekend (she's 14 and has a huge social life). Dh and bm do not parent equally so to me they are not equals.
    Does that make sense?
  • minimoo
    by minimoo
    July 31, 2013 at 7:19 PM
    And there are also many places that have overcompensated for years of biased family court systems and go out of their way to help fathers.


    Quoting luckystars2012:

    There's a difference between "men being morons" and "men struggling with a court and custody system that is structurally and fundamentally biased towards women"



    In most states, moms get all kids of help. Help filing for cs, establishing a custody order, etc. Men get nothing, except the words "hire a lawyer".



    And then women wonder why more men don't "do what it takes, when women are able to" in most cases, women don't have to. It's done for them.

  • Steamedpuddle30
    July 31, 2013 at 7:29 PM
    This is why....

    Boys go to Jupiter to get more stupider, Girls come from mars to get more candy bars. Lol.

    Girls rule!
  • luckystars2012
    July 31, 2013 at 7:35 PM

    Thats not what I asked.  How do you think he would have fared if he had had no way to get a lawyer and had to navigate the entire court system alone?


    Not every father can get a lawyer on payment plans.  Take away the monetary resource your husband had, and the cooperative lawyer kind enough to take payments, and how do you think he would have done?


    Quoting newstepmom61811:

    He didn't go that route, he fought, tooth and nail, he didn't settle, other fathers don't have to either. There are many ways to fight.


    Quoting luckystars2012:

    That's my point though. He was able to get a lawyer, one way or another.



    How do you think your dh would hve fared if he wasn'table to somehow get a lawyer, and had to navigate the legal system on his own, as many dads have to try to do?




    Quoting newstepmom61811:

    Yup, didn't have a dime...set up a payment plan with a attorney willing to work with him...it was by NO means handed to him...fought like hell for two years against a BM who did not want the outcome that happened, with an attorney he really couldn't afford but that WOULD accept a payment plan...there is no free legal help for BMs here although it is a very mom friendly state...he FOUGHT!








    Quoting luckystars2012:Your dh had an attorney though. How well do you think he'd have fared if he couldn't have afforded one, esp if bm had given a crap, and esp if you Lived in a state where it's easy for moms to get free legal help?








    Quoting newstepmom61811:I think there are as many idiot men as women out there...DH has a beautiful CO set up that he and his attorney did just fine on...I've read it so I know what DHs rights, responsibilities, and schedule is for my own sake...BM has never even read her own divorce decree/CO, DH has to remind her all the time what's in it...she starts screaming about what her rights are and he has to refer her back to what the court did indeed take away and why he is making certain decisions or telling her no to something...he reminds her to read it so she understands...she never has...no gender has a monopoly on idiocy.









  • luckystars2012
    July 31, 2013 at 7:36 PM

    Not nearly as many as you would think.  I know way too many dads who were completely steamrolled by the system.  And it almost always comes down to lack of money on dads part to hire an attorney, while mom can get most of the legwork done for her and get a free attorney through legal aid.  


    Quoting minimoo:

    And there are also many places that have overcompensated for years of biased family court systems and go out of their way to help fathers.


    Quoting luckystars2012:

    There's a difference between "men being morons" and "men struggling with a court and custody system that is structurally and fundamentally biased towards women"



    In most states, moms get all kids of help. Help filing for cs, establishing a custody order, etc. Men get nothing, except the words "hire a lawyer".



    And then women wonder why more men don't "do what it takes, when women are able to" in most cases, women don't have to. It's done for them.



  • faerie75
    July 31, 2013 at 9:11 PM
    Because not all men are idiots when it comes to these things.
  • Jane2112
    July 31, 2013 at 9:46 PM

    They aren't all idiots.  Some are very good dads.  My dad was, and had custody of us.

    What you said could go the same against some mom's too.  Why would any mom think she's the only one who made the child?

  • newstepmom61811
    July 31, 2013 at 9:48 PM
    Wasn't an option, DH would have kept hunting...that's what fighting is about...


    Quoting luckystars2012:

    Thats not what I asked.  How do you think he would have fared if he had had no way to get a lawyer and had to navigate the entire court system alone?


    Not every father can get a lawyer on payment plans.  Take away the monetary resource your husband had, and the cooperative lawyer kind enough to take payments, and how do you think he would have done?



    Quoting newstepmom61811:

    He didn't go that route, he fought, tooth and nail, he didn't settle, other fathers don't have to either. There are many ways to fight.





    Quoting luckystars2012:

    That's my point though. He was able to get a lawyer, one way or another.





    How do you think your dh would hve fared if he wasn'table to somehow get a lawyer, and had to navigate the legal system on his own, as many dads have to try to do?







    Quoting newstepmom61811:

    Yup, didn't have a dime...set up a payment plan with a attorney willing to work with him...it was by NO means handed to him...fought like hell for two years against a BM who did not want the outcome that happened, with an attorney he really couldn't afford but that WOULD accept a payment plan...there is no free legal help for BMs here although it is a very mom friendly state...he FOUGHT!











    Quoting luckystars2012:Your dh had an attorney though. How well do you think he'd have fared if he couldn't have afforded one, esp if bm had given a crap, and esp if you Lived in a state where it's easy for moms to get free legal help?











    Quoting newstepmom61811:I think there are as many idiot men as women out there...DH has a beautiful CO set up that he and his attorney did just fine on...I've read it so I know what DHs rights, responsibilities, and schedule is for my own sake...BM has never even read her own divorce decree/CO, DH has to remind her all the time what's in it...she starts screaming about what her rights are and he has to refer her back to what the court did indeed take away and why he is making certain decisions or telling her no to something...he reminds her to read it so she understands...she never has...no gender has a monopoly on idiocy.















  • luckystars2012
    July 31, 2013 at 9:55 PM


    So you agree that navigating the court system himself was not an option, he would not have been able to do it without a lawyer doing the legwork?


    Quoting newstepmom61811:

    Wasn't an option, DH would have kept hunting...that's what fighting is about...


    Quoting luckystars2012:

    Thats not what I asked.  How do you think he would have fared if he had had no way to get a lawyer and had to navigate the entire court system alone?


    Not every father can get a lawyer on payment plans.  Take away the monetary resource your husband had, and the cooperative lawyer kind enough to take payments, and how do you think he would have done?



    Quoting newstepmom61811:

    He didn't go that route, he fought, tooth and nail, he didn't settle, other fathers don't have to either. There are many ways to fight.





    Quoting luckystars2012:

    That's my point though. He was able to get a lawyer, one way or another.





    How do you think your dh would hve fared if he wasn'table to somehow get a lawyer, and had to navigate the legal system on his own, as many dads have to try to do?







    Quoting newstepmom61811:

    Yup, didn't have a dime...set up a payment plan with a attorney willing to work with him...it was by NO means handed to him...fought like hell for two years against a BM who did not want the outcome that happened, with an attorney he really couldn't afford but that WOULD accept a payment plan...there is no free legal help for BMs here although it is a very mom friendly state...he FOUGHT!











    Quoting luckystars2012:Your dh had an attorney though. How well do you think he'd have fared if he couldn't have afforded one, esp if bm had given a crap, and esp if you Lived in a state where it's easy for moms to get free legal help?











    Quoting newstepmom61811:I think there are as many idiot men as women out there...DH has a beautiful CO set up that he and his attorney did just fine on...I've read it so I know what DHs rights, responsibilities, and schedule is for my own sake...BM has never even read her own divorce decree/CO, DH has to remind her all the time what's in it...she starts screaming about what her rights are and he has to refer her back to what the court did indeed take away and why he is making certain decisions or telling her no to something...he reminds her to read it so she understands...she never has...no gender has a monopoly on idiocy.

















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