Stepmom Central

mamaBerg85
What should I expect
June 18, 2013 at 11:45 PM

SD8 lives with us 95% of the year and sees her mom during breaks from school. During the summer she is here every 2 wks for 2 wks. Last week SD saw an old pack of Dh's cigerettes and asked me to throw them away. I informed her that they were gone but I would throw it away. She in turn told me that while she was at her mom's the week before she saw BM, Bm's boyfriend, Sd's uncle and uncle's girlsfriend rolling and smoking skinny cigerettes. She told me they smell weird and they are in yellow and red paper. I told her that is not healthy and she told me that her mom says it makes her feel better.

Dh has talked to bm about it before. Pot is illegal in Missouri and although we can't say much when sd isn't there however when she it I would hope that BM would have enough common since to not smoke around her kid. I guess we are wrong. Dh said he doesn't know what to do because it doesn't sound like BM is really listening to Dh. So I called a therapist and told her the situation. I said told her that SD would be best if dh was in the room at first and she'd be fine playing in the waiting room or in a corner while she talks to dh about the situation. She sounded very concerned and kept telling me that getting professional documentation was the best way to go about this. I told her that Sd needs these visits with her mom because SD is on the Autism spectrum and deals with a lot of abandonment issues with bm. So she needs that time with her mom but I want her to be safe while she is there and I'm not sure that smoking pot infront of a kid who is almost 9 and special needs is a safe enviroment.

I just want to know what to expect tomorrow. Is the therapist legally required to call DFS? Will she tell us before she does that? We have seen a therapist before with her but never because of her mom's illegal activity.

Replies

  • Tinkerbellmama
    June 19, 2013 at 12:01 AM

    If SD tells the therapist that BM is smoking pot then yes, legally the therapist is required by law to inform CPS/DFS whatever it's called in your state.

    And no, the therapist is not required to tell you before she does it, but she may. 

  • mamaBerg85
    June 19, 2013 at 12:21 AM


    Do you think most therapist would inform us? Like I told the lady I don't want to stop sending her to bm's house. I just want it to be a safe place for her. I am scare ultimantly that if dh says that or tells someone that he has simply talked to bm before but never taken furth action that the state will start to investigate us. We don't have anything to hide but you know no one wants to be investigated by CPS.

    Quoting Tinkerbellmama:

    If SD tells the therapist that BM is smoking pot then yes, legally the therapist is required by law to inform CPS/DFS whatever it's called in your state.

    And no, the therapist is not required to tell you before she does it, but she may. 



  • Tinkerbellmama
    June 19, 2013 at 1:09 AM

    They might. It really depends on the therapist. They are manditory reporters. But, since your husband has spoken to BM, and you are seeking out other help, it may not be as bad of an issue on you.

    CPS may ask why you haven't done anything more than discuss it with BM once, so be prepared for that. 


    Quoting mamaBerg85:


    Do you think most therapist would inform us? Like I told the lady I don't want to stop sending her to bm's house. I just want it to be a safe place for her. I am scare ultimantly that if dh says that or tells someone that he has simply talked to bm before but never taken furth action that the state will start to investigate us. We don't have anything to hide but you know no one wants to be investigated by CPS.

    Quoting Tinkerbellmama:

    If SD tells the therapist that BM is smoking pot then yes, legally the therapist is required by law to inform CPS/DFS whatever it's called in your state.

    And no, the therapist is not required to tell you before she does it, but she may. 





  • chanizen
    June 19, 2013 at 5:08 AM

    It sounds like they re just rolling their own cigarettes.    Why do you think it's is pot?  

  • mamaBerg85
    June 19, 2013 at 7:53 AM
    Cuz bm smokes pot she's admitted to it before. She's even told us that her brother once did it in the livingroom while sd was in the bedroom. Dh told bm next time bm should leave. Sds uncle already has an open cps case on him and his ex wife. Its all over case.net and bm just got arrested for possession about a yr ago but it was knock down to parophalia.
    Will this end up messing up my job? I work for a special needs school. I'm a mandated reporter too butI thought that was just for work.


    Quoting chanizen:

    It sounds like they re just rolling their own cigarettes.    Why do you think it's is pot?  


  • mamaBerg85
    June 19, 2013 at 3:13 PM
    Bump we had a situation come up. We have to go on Friday without dh. He sees it as something that he wants to mention to bm as a bad idea but not much else. Hes not totally against pot. I'm not either but I neither of us want it around sd. We have agreed. That if sd wasn't home it wouldn't be an issue. Its only an issue because its around sd and we don't want sd to think its ok. Sd is almost 9 like I said she has her iissues already and if she thinks that pot is ok then tries it well her brain is still developing and I don't want it ruined and not meet her highest potential.
  • Tinkerbellmama
    June 19, 2013 at 4:05 PM

    Um, yea. This can totally hurt you with work. If you've suspected for months that SD's BM is doing drugs in front of her, and you didn't report it, it can DEFINITELY effect your work as a manditory reporter.


    Quoting mamaBerg85:

    Cuz bm smokes pot she's admitted to it before. She's even told us that her brother once did it in the livingroom while sd was in the bedroom. Dh told bm next time bm should leave. Sds uncle already has an open cps case on him and his ex wife. Its all over case.net and bm just got arrested for possession about a yr ago but it was knock down to parophalia.
    Will this end up messing up my job? I work for a special needs school. I'm a mandated reporter too butI thought that was just for work.


    Quoting chanizen:

    It sounds like they re just rolling their own cigarettes.    Why do you think it's is pot?  




  • mamaBerg85
    June 19, 2013 at 4:35 PM
    Well maybe I should talk to the therapist about that. I don't think a therapist would want me to loose my job. I'm seriously trying here. It's not like I'm doing nothing. I'm talking her to talk to someone. I haven't known for months thst its been happening around sd just found out last week. Its only a cps issue if its around sd right?


    Quoting Tinkerbellmama:

    Um, yea. This can totally hurt you with work. If you've suspected for months that SD's BM is doing drugs in front of her, and you didn't report it, it can DEFINITELY effect your work as a manditory reporter.



    Quoting mamaBerg85:

    Cuz bm smokes pot she's admitted to it before. She's even told us that her brother once did it in the livingroom while sd was in the bedroom. Dh told bm next time bm should leave. Sds uncle already has an open cps case on him and his ex wife. Its all over case.net and bm just got arrested for possession about a yr ago but it was knock down to parophalia.

    Will this end up messing up my job? I work for a special needs school. I'm a mandated reporter too butI thought that was just for work.





    Quoting chanizen:

    It sounds like they re just rolling their own cigarettes.    Why do you think it's is pot?  







  • bottomline
    June 19, 2013 at 5:03 PM

     It will effect your job. You are a mandatory reporter. How far your boss will take it is another matter completely.

    A therapist has an obligation to report as well. So expect her to report the pot usage. It has to be done, it's her job.

    I understand SD needing time with her bm but I don't understand why this illegal drug issue is causing you to sway back and forth.  It's wrong to smoke pot, it's really wrong to smoke pot in front of a 9 year old. It needs to be reported so that SD doesn't have to be exposed to it any longer.

  • Tinkerbellmama
    June 19, 2013 at 5:22 PM

    Yep. Pot is legal where I live (WA), and even then they take usage in front of and around children VERY seriously.


    Quoting bottomline:

     It will effect your job. You are a mandatory reporter. How far your boss will take it is another matter completely.

    A therapist has an obligation to report as well. So expect her to report the pot usage. It has to be done, it's her job.

    I understand SD needing time with her bm but I don't understand why this illegal drug issue is causing you to sway back and forth.  It's wrong to smoke pot, it's really wrong to smoke pot in front of a 9 year old. It needs to be reported so that SD doesn't have to be exposed to it any longer.



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