Stepmom Central

Featured Posts
crysiann
Father's day question
June 13, 2013 at 5:31 PM

Here is my story:

I am married, my husband has a 10 year old son. For the last 5 years of us being together, his ex wife has not done anything for him for fathers day. I am fine with that. I have taken my ss shopping and gotten him a gift and card. I really love doing this. Today, I asked my ss what he wanted to get his dad for fathers day, and he said, "Oh, my mom took me shopping already. We got him stuff".

I feel so hurt, and I also feel like I am being a baby. It is good that his mom took him shopping for his dad, right? If it is good, why do I feel so bad??

Just so everyone know, my dh and I do not have an children together. We are ttc, and having fertility issues. Maybe this is part of the reason I feel crummy about it?

What do other step moms do for fathers day?

Replies

  • baparrot2
    June 13, 2013 at 5:34 PM

    ummmmm....just because you heard she got some stuff, does that really mean you cant buy him some stuff and fathers day is ruined for you?

  • crysiann
    June 13, 2013 at 5:37 PM

     

    I did get him a gift, but, my step son and I usually go shopping together to get him a gift and card from ss. I never said it was ruined.

    Quoting baparrot2:

    ummmmm....just because you heard she got some stuff, does that really mean you cant buy him some stuff and fathers day is ruined for you?


     

  • leegirl_jm
    June 13, 2013 at 5:46 PM

    I think it could be tied to your feeling emotional with your TTC and fertility issues and I get that feeling when an established tradition of mine is being trampled on. Since I like control in my life, I don't have traditions with stepchildren. Good luck with the TTC, I do hope you have that baby of your own.

  • Humility1
    June 13, 2013 at 5:46 PM
    Yes, it's good that his mom took him shopping, however, you feel bad because before you were the one always taking him for years. And, I think it's because your so used to doing it and now she just did it. I know it's hard because this is your stepson. I also have a stepson that is 11 yrs old. Now, if it was your own child it's different, a different feeling. I also don't have kids of my own yet, and it's harder for us stepmoms to deal with Father's Day, Mother's Day etc, because its not actually ours although we treat them like our kids. As for me, last year I just cooked for my husband for Father's Day. I usually depend it upon what he does for me for Mother's Day, although I'm not a bio mom I do raise my stepson full time. This may, dh bought a cake for me and so this Father's Day i will buy a cake for him. So I am just returning the favor back. I don't like to be too involved with these activities primarily because stepson's grandma has a very nasty behavior towards me and so I have decided to disengage.
  • crysiann
    June 13, 2013 at 5:54 PM

     

    You are absolutely right! I have been considering just backing out a little from trying to have traditions like this, since it isnt something I have control of. I like to have control of my life also, and it seems that when I think I do, then something like this happens. It is just a reminder to me that he is NOT my child, I have no control or say when it comes to traditions. And, yes, I know that this is what I chose for my life. I guess I was just surprised that she did something. Thanks for the well wishes for us ttc.

    Quoting leegirl_jm:

    I think it could be tied to your feeling emotional with your TTC and fertility issues and I get that feeling when an established tradition of mine is being trampled on. Since I like control in my life, I don't have traditions with stepchildren. Good luck with the TTC, I do hope you have that baby of your own.


     

  • crysiann
    June 13, 2013 at 5:57 PM

     

    You are so right, fathers day and mothers day can really suck for me. Mothers day is hard, but fathers day never was, until now. I am really re thinking being so involved with these activities, I really hate feeling like this. I am sorry the grandmother is nasty to you, I hope it gets better for you.

    Quoting Humility1:

    Yes, it's good that his mom took him shopping, however, you feel bad because before you were the one always taking him for years. And, I think it's because your so used to doing it and now she just did it. I know it's hard because this is your stepson. I also have a stepson that is 11 yrs old. Now, if it was your own child it's different, a different feeling. I also don't have kids of my own yet, and it's harder for us stepmoms to deal with Father's Day, Mother's Day etc, because its not actually ours although we treat them like our kids. As for me, last year I just cooked for my husband for Father's Day. I usually depend it upon what he does for me for Mother's Day, although I'm not a bio mom I do raise my stepson full time. This may, dh bought a cake for me and so this Father's Day i will buy a cake for him. So I am just returning the favor back. I don't like to be too involved with these activities primarily because stepson's grandma has a very nasty behavior towards me and so I have decided to disengage.


     

  • Polkadotted
    June 13, 2013 at 6:11 PM
    I get stuff.
  • Humility1
    June 13, 2013 at 8:16 PM
    Hi crysiann, I feel your pain my dear, it's hard. Thank you dear for your support, I really thought at first that his grandmother wasn't gonna be so nasty to me she was so nice before. Well when she was upset with my husband she texted me that, and I was shocked and hurt, and was like wow I have nothing to do with what my husband does or says its his decision what he wants to do with his son, I know I hate that feeling its hard. Every weekend that stepson is there, I go out with friends and encourage husband to spend quality time with son. I find that disengaging is easier only because nobody can blame me for anything discipline, finances, etc. if u ever need anyone to talk to feel free to contact me:) god bless and take care hon:)


    Quoting crysiann:

     


    You are so right, fathers day and mothers day can really suck for me. Mothers day is hard, but fathers day never was, until now. I am really re thinking being so involved with these activities, I really hate feeling like this. I am sorry the grandmother is nasty to you, I hope it gets better for you.


    Quoting Humility1:

    Yes, it's good that his mom took him shopping, however, you feel bad because before you were the one always taking him for years. And, I think it's because your so used to doing it and now she just did it. I know it's hard because this is your stepson. I also have a stepson that is 11 yrs old. Now, if it was your own child it's different, a different feeling. I also don't have kids of my own yet, and it's harder for us stepmoms to deal with Father's Day, Mother's Day etc, because its not actually ours although we treat them like our kids. As for me, last year I just cooked for my husband for Father's Day. I usually depend it upon what he does for me for Mother's Day, although I'm not a bio mom I do raise my stepson full time. This may, dh bought a cake for me and so this Father's Day i will buy a cake for him. So I am just returning the favor back. I don't like to be too involved with these activities primarily because stepson's grandma has a very nasty behavior towards me and so I have decided to disengage.



     


  • AmyB118
    by AmyB118
    June 13, 2013 at 9:01 PM

    When SSs were little (they are now adults) I always made sure that they had a gift and card for both Mother's Day and Father's Day.  Generally they did always have one, so it was a non-issue, but if they hadn't I'd have taken them.

    Neither of those days are hard for me as a SM - I honestly look at myself as support personnel for BOTH BM and DH.  Neither day is about me, it's about them.  When I take "Me" out of those equations, my life becomes infinitely more stress free.

    Don't get hurt over it - if you want to make your getting DH a Father's Day gift tradition by shopping w/SS there's nothing that says you can't.  If it's that important, tell SS that Dad can never have too many gifts :)

  • KnowItAll
    June 13, 2013 at 11:23 PM
    Even though bm took ss to get something that doesn't mean you can't. If it's a tradition you want to continue, then just do it. Dad will just rack up on gifts. Lol.

Stepmom Central

Active Posts in All Groups
More Active Posts
Featured Posts in All Groups
More Featured Posts
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN