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shoptravellove
Stepkids and bedtimes
May 26, 2013 at 6:49 PM
I'm not sure if this has ever been addressed before or not but I can't search on my phone and looking for some specific advice anyway.

So a question, do your step kids have bedtimes when they are at your house? A brief background is that my BF has 2 kids...9yr old boy and nearly 11yr old girl. They are with us eowe, every day they have off school, spring break week, christmas week and several weeks during the summer. Instead of making the kids actually turn off the computer, tv, iPads and actually go to bed (agreed upon bedtime is 10pm), BF believes that the kids just have to be in their rooms at 10pm but they can actually stay up on the computer, play, watch tv, etc until they want to go to bed, no matter what time of night or morning it may be. . I believe that kids this young not only need rules and a schedule/routine, but they actually need more sleep as they are still very much in the developmental stage. BF just says that because they are not grumpy the next day, they obviously don't need as much sleep.

So 1) what time do your step kids go to bed? Ages? 2) do you feel that even though they are only here part of the time and never when they have school the next day, should they still have bedtimes and 3) do you have any advice that I can provide to BF on why kids in this age range need the amount of sleep that they do?
Thanks.

Replies

  • sandeeyo
    May 26, 2013 at 6:53 PM

    Pick your battles.  If he doesn't think there's anything wrong with what they do after they hit the sheets then that's up to him.  They're his kids.

    Plus, they don't have to get up to go to school since they aren't with you on school nights, so what's the big deal?  Do you all have to be up early to be somewhere?

  • CodeBlue
    May 26, 2013 at 6:58 PM
    3&4 - bedtime at 8. Even in the summer time. Life did not stop for me when my step kids were over. I still had to be up early for work, etc, and that meant that if I wanted any time with BD, they had to go to bed.
    So unless we were actively doing something together, it was bedtime at 8.

    I'd say for your situation it doesn't really matter - especially if they stay quiet in their rooms AND their dad is good with it.
  • Tinkerbellmama
    May 26, 2013 at 7:39 PM

    SD 12, almost 13, and DS 10 pick their own bed times on the weekends and school breaks. They are to be in their rooms at 10pm, and they can read or play on a DS in their rooms quietly until they want to go to bed. We usually ask that they try and have lights out by midnight.

    The only time DH or I step in is if they're being loud or are getting so little sleep that they're cranky the next day. 

  • packermomof2
    May 26, 2013 at 7:45 PM

    My oldest has never had a bedtime.  She is about to turn 12.  As long as she is in her room and quiet, I don't care.

    My youngest is about to turn 10.  He has always put himself in bed between 8 and 8:30 until now.  Now he is going to bed between 9 and 10. 

    Whatever you believe is your belief only.  Reality is way different on this topic for some kids and parents. 

    My kids former SM did try to make the kids have a bedtime.  I would get late night phone calls from my oldest after SM and dad went to bed.  He had every other weekend at the time.  She lost that battle.

    And if you try to push this you are not only trying to screw with the schedule the CP might have going on, but you will probably end up losing the battle as well.  It isn't an EOWeekend SP's place to try to change things for the SKs.

  • Tinkerbellmama
    May 26, 2013 at 7:47 PM

    When BM was CP DH and i were always getting late night and early morning calls from SD, LOL It was funny. There was a couple of times that she's called DH at midnight just to say hi and talk about her day.

    OP, do the kids have a bed time at BM's house? 


    Quoting packermomof2:

    My oldest has never had a bedtime.  She is about to turn 12.  As long as she is in her room and quiet, I don't care.

    My youngest is about to turn 10.  He has always put himself in bed between 8 and 8:30 until now.  Now he is going to bed between 9 and 10. 

    Whatever you believe is your belief only.  Reality is way different on this topic for some kids and parents. 

    My kids former SM did try to make the kids have a bedtime.  I would get late night phone calls from my oldest after SM and dad went to bed.  He had every other weekend at the time.  She lost that battle.

    And if you try to push this you are not only trying to screw with the schedule the CP might have going on, but you will probably end up losing the battle as well.  It isn't an EOWeekend SP's place to try to change things for the SKs.



  • thefiregoddess
    May 26, 2013 at 7:52 PM
    This for the most part.
    When i was little it was books only though. And yes. I sTill stay up until 4am with a good book.
    But times have changed.
    As long as its not disrupting anything. . Let it go.


    Quoting sandeeyo:

    Pick your battles.  If he doesn't think there's anything wrong with what they do after they hit the sheets then that's up to him.  They're his kids.

    Plus, they don't have to get up to go to school since they aren't with you on school nights, so what's the big deal?  Do you all have to be up early to be somewhere?

  • shoptravellove
    May 26, 2013 at 7:54 PM
    Thanks all so far. I guess I didn't add in as well the fact that I am concerned over the boys developmental delays and is another reason,
    other than the fact of course that I believe that kids that young should have a routine and should not be allowed to make up their own rules at that age. But besides the fact, everything else I have read about kids and the amount of sleep that they need attributes a lot of problems to a lack of sleep. Due to the fact that he acts about 6yrs old, is very immature, won't play with friends, doesn't do well in school, rarely talks, etc I think that sleep can help a lot.

    I guess I just need to step back and not put i my 2cents about it but just wanted to find out what others do with their kids and what you thought about kids having set bedtimes in general and not so much about who has the say in the house rules. I raised my dd who is now 19yrs old but I just could never understand how it is okay for a child that young to be allowed free access 24/7 to computers (no restrictions either on what they do online), tv, etc. *shrug*
  • Birdseed
    May 26, 2013 at 7:57 PM

    Having access to the computer and TV at all hours without restrictions would be a little concerning to me.  But generally speaking, things are pretty loose on non-school nights.  School nights are a bit of a different story.  There's an "in bed" time and there are no TV's or computers in the kids' rooms (13 & 15).  

  • shoptravellove
    May 26, 2013 at 7:57 PM
    To answer your question, yes they do have bedtimes at BM but she is a lot stricter than BF. Bedtime on school nights is 8pm. Not sure what it is on weekends but they also do not have access to a computer, iPad, game systems, etc at home.


    Quoting Tinkerbellmama:

    When BM was CP DH and i were always getting late night and early morning calls from SD, LOL It was funny. There was a couple of times that she's called DH at midnight just to say hi and talk about her day.

    OP, do the kids have a bed time at BM's house? 



    Quoting packermomof2:

    My oldest has never had a bedtime.  She is about to turn 12.  As long as she is in her room and quiet, I don't care.

    My youngest is about to turn 10.  He has always put himself in bed between 8 and 8:30 until now.  Now he is going to bed between 9 and 10. 

    Whatever you believe is your belief only.  Reality is way different on this topic for some kids and parents. 

    My kids former SM did try to make the kids have a bedtime.  I would get late night phone calls from my oldest after SM and dad went to bed.  He had every other weekend at the time.  She lost that battle.

    And if you try to push this you are not only trying to screw with the schedule the CP might have going on, but you will probably end up losing the battle as well.  It isn't an EOWeekend SP's place to try to change things for the SKs.





  • packermomof2
    May 26, 2013 at 8:00 PM



    Quoting shoptravellove:

    Thanks all so far. I guess I didn't add in as well the fact that I am concerned over the boys developmental delays and is another reason,
    other than the fact of course that I believe that kids that young should have a routine and should not be allowed to make up their own rules at that age. But besides the fact, everything else I have read about kids and the amount of sleep that they need attributes a lot of problems to a lack of sleep. Due to the fact that he acts about 6yrs old, is very immature, won't play with friends, doesn't do well in school, rarely talks, etc I think that sleep can help a lot.
    Maybe, maybe not.  My oldest who doesn't sleep a lot doesn't talk a lot, only recently (last couple of years) actually wanted to hang out with other kids, but is a straight A honors student.  It isn't all about the sleep, no matter what you read on that.

    I guess I just need to step back and not put i my 2cents about it but just wanted to find out what others do with their kids and what you thought about kids having set bedtimes in general and not so much about who has the say in the house rules. I raised my dd who is now 19yrs old but I just could never understand how it is okay for a child that young to be allowed free access 24/7 to computers (no restrictions either on what they do online), tv, etc. *shrug*
    I don't allow access to computers at bedtime.  No phone, no dsi, nothing of that sort.  Only books, writing, drawing, etc.  Unless it is the weekend and I do allow dsis...



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