Stepmom Central

Stepkids and bedtimes
May 26, 2013 at 6:49 PM
I'm not sure if this has ever been addressed before or not but I can't search on my phone and looking for some specific advice anyway.

So a question, do your step kids have bedtimes when they are at your house? A brief background is that my BF has 2 kids...9yr old boy and nearly 11yr old girl. They are with us eowe, every day they have off school, spring break week, christmas week and several weeks during the summer. Instead of making the kids actually turn off the computer, tv, iPads and actually go to bed (agreed upon bedtime is 10pm), BF believes that the kids just have to be in their rooms at 10pm but they can actually stay up on the computer, play, watch tv, etc until they want to go to bed, no matter what time of night or morning it may be. . I believe that kids this young not only need rules and a schedule/routine, but they actually need more sleep as they are still very much in the developmental stage. BF just says that because they are not grumpy the next day, they obviously don't need as much sleep.

So 1) what time do your step kids go to bed? Ages? 2) do you feel that even though they are only here part of the time and never when they have school the next day, should they still have bedtimes and 3) do you have any advice that I can provide to BF on why kids in this age range need the amount of sleep that they do?


  • sandeeyo
    May 26, 2013 at 8:00 PM

    The computers and electronic stuff are a problem and they probably shouldn't be internetting or doing whatever after they are in bed, but that's just me.  We send the girls (they are 12) to bed in between 9 and 10 every night.  They have to put their iPads and any electronics away and no TV after 8:30pm so they can wind down.  But DH and I are in agreement about it, so that's what happens.  If he didn't care whether or not they had their iPads with them after they go to bed, I'd have no say because in the end they are his kids.

    You should do some googling on kids vs computer games etc and what happens when there is too much.  Maybe if you can dig up a few articles for him to read it might make an impact.

    Good luck!

    Quoting shoptravellove:

    Thanks all so far. I guess I didn't add in as well the fact that I am concerned over the boys developmental delays and is another reason,
    other than the fact of course that I believe that kids that young should have a routine and should not be allowed to make up their own rules at that age. But besides the fact, everything else I have read about kids and the amount of sleep that they need attributes a lot of problems to a lack of sleep. Due to the fact that he acts about 6yrs old, is very immature, won't play with friends, doesn't do well in school, rarely talks, etc I think that sleep can help a lot.

    I guess I just need to step back and not put i my 2cents about it but just wanted to find out what others do with their kids and what you thought about kids having set bedtimes in general and not so much about who has the say in the house rules. I raised my dd who is now 19yrs old but I just could never understand how it is okay for a child that young to be allowed free access 24/7 to computers (no restrictions either on what they do online), tv, etc. *shrug*

  • sandeeyo
    May 26, 2013 at 8:02 PM

    Adding:  DH used to let them have their iPads and get on the computer...unlimited, unless they were in bed.  But the girls ended up getting into things they shouldn't get into and their school work there's that.  I hated having to tell him, "I told you so"! LOL  But I did anyway!

  • cLanief
    by cLanief
    May 26, 2013 at 8:05 PM
    My so's kids are preteen/teens So there Iis no bed time when they're here cuz its the weekend.... the only one who has a bed time on the weekenda is my 2yo. W ven my 7 yo will stay up.
  • Tillymommie
    May 26, 2013 at 8:06 PM

    I am CSM, DS and SS are both about to be 4. If I get them in their bedroom by 8:30, I count it as a score. They sometimes fall asleep immediately, sometimes play on the innotabs, sometimes just talk to each other or "read". Unless I duck tape their mouths and eyes shut, I can't make them sleep. Its easier letting do things to wind down then yell out them or spank them or get them out of bed and put them in time out. They will sleep and if they are tired the next morning well they will sleep the next day at bed time.

  • elisesmom922
    May 26, 2013 at 8:09 PM

    School nights, 8:30 to 9 for DD and SD who are  both 9 now. DD5, 8 always b/c she always gets up at the crack of dawn no matter what. DS2, well, he's 2 and goes to bed at 8-8:30 as he literally wakes up with the sun daily. 7am is sleeping in for him.

  • DDDaysh
    by DDDaysh
    May 26, 2013 at 8:52 PM
    This is completely a "not your kid, not your call" situation.
  • shoot4thestars
    May 26, 2013 at 9:01 PM

    SS is usually in bed by 9:30 - 10.  That's what DH has set for him.  Probably because SS gets up super early even if he goes to bed later. 

  • MomGoingCrazy78
    May 26, 2013 at 10:46 PM

    SD is 11. DH and BM share 50/50. She has a bedtime at our house and always has. She has same rules as my kids, DD11 and DS9. Kids need routine, that's just my personal belief, DH just happens to feel the same way.

  • whatIknownow
    May 26, 2013 at 10:49 PM

    Bedtimes would be up to their dad. He seems fine with the bedtime situation the way it is. Not sure why you have an issue with it, they're his kids. and if they are in their rooms then they are not bothering you.

  • Derdriu
    by Derdriu
    May 26, 2013 at 11:11 PM
    Bedtime is 9pm. For SS8, that means lights out. For SD14, it's whatever. If she needs extra time to finish HW, that's fine. If she wants to stay up and read, I trust she'll put the book down at a reasonable-ish hour. I used to get in mega trouble as early at age 10 for still having my nose in a book at 2am, and I survived, still made good grades, etc. SD is nowhere near that type of night owl. She's really not that much of a tv watcher or game player, so that's not much of an issue.

    Depending on the kid, flexibility may be just fine. Pick your battles. If the kid can't handle not having a strict bedtime, then enforce bedtime. If they're pretty good with self-regulating and getting to sleep at a decent hour, that's a level of independence I'd call success. ;-)

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