New to Cafe Mom

[Wallacekidsmom]

My name is April and I've been with my husbands for 8 years. His son was about 9 months old at the time. My husband I and have since then built a family together for my step son and our two daughters together. Unfortunately, I'm still having problems dealing with our sons mom. Even though I've taken on having him 3 to 4 days a week, picking him up from school, doing home work, taking him to baseball practices and games and everything else a mother does when he's with us, she still sees my role as her ex's girlfriend. Like I'm not our boys family. She also has complete boundary issues. Like when we go on trips, she'll reminds me how I'm going to have to pack for my husband, because he won't be able to do it on his own. Someone help me deal with her for my step sons sake.

[ejsmom4604]

I'm just going to sit back and watch this develop. 

[Godlymom87]

Rofl I was thinking the same thing

Quoting ejsmom4604:

I'm just going to sit back and watch this develop. 

[Tigress22304]

Have your DH tell her to BUTT OUT. unless it deals with the child, there's no reason for her to tell you what to do for your husband

[MilkLover0203]

You'll learn, not the best place to ask for advice. I know, you would think it is but it isn't. Find a couple private groups to chat with. It just gets ugly. As for your situation, it has been eight years. It isn't gonna change. You just have to deal with it. It is what it is. 

[WifeyC]

Ignore her. In one ear, out the other.

[packermomof2]

You're doing what a dad does in his home. You're not doing mom work.  Unless you're married you are the girlfriend.  And when you're married you're still not the mom or a mom to her kid.

family doesn't act like they're doing what a mom does when they help out a parent or do one parent a favor.

They realize they're doing what someone asked them to do and they are still grandma/aunt/SM.

[Wallacekidsmom]

I'm confused! I thought I wad in a private group for stepmoms. I'm just looking to get advise from other step moms on how to get a long with my stepsons mom.

Quoting MilkLover0203:

You'll learn, not the best place to ask for advice. I know, you would think it is but it isn't. Find a couple private groups to chat with. It just gets ugly. As for your situation, it has been eight years. It isn't gonna change. You just have to deal with it. It is what it is. 

[KnowItAll]

You need to accept that you are not the child's mother and will never be recognized as such. You aren't even officially the stepmother. There is nothing wrong with being dad's gf. It's what you are so embrace it.

[momof2ex1]

The thing is, mom doesn't have to accept you as anything. Although I think it is fair to always be respectful and civil to anyone that has some sort of influence over my child and a stepparent absolutely does.
With that being said, all of the things you list are not mom duties. Those are things that anyone can do. A stepdad, a grandma, a neighbor, a babysitter. And you aren't doing them FOR mom, you are doing them for your husband and your family. The only person that needs to thank you and appreciate you is your husband. Mom may not care that you are stepping in and doing all the things dad should be doing while he has his kids; she may think that he is lazy and can't do much as a father because he has to have someone else do these 'things' for him when he has the kids half of the week. As far as her comments about packing for him, sounds like she knows him pretty well which goes along with all of the 'things' that you do for him. But you can't let that even bother you for a second. She may just want to remind you in a very petty way that she was once his wife. Those kind of comments don't even warrant a response. I would absolutely just ignore them.

[momof2ex1]

Ignore her.

This is a good group and you have gotten some good advice on how to deal with the situation and the comments. This is not a private group but you can get constructive advice if you are willing to not get mad when it's not something you really want to hear. I often really dig deep when something triggers me to feel defensive. It means it touched a sore spot.

Quoting Wallacekidsmom:

I'm confused! I thought I wad in a private group for stepmoms. I'm just looking to get advise from other step moms on how to get a long with my stepsons mom.

Quoting MilkLover0203:

You'll learn, not the best place to ask for advice. I know, you would think it is but it isn't. Find a couple private groups to chat with. It just gets ugly. As for your situation, it has been eight years. It isn't gonna change. You just have to deal with it. It is what it is.