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Anonymous
clash in parenting styles
by Anonymous
April 1, 2013 at 7:25 AM
So do you and your husband have the same parenting style? His daughter is 11. My husband is very liberal once removed and doesn't parent well. He has an unruley child with no boundaries or rules. Allows her to freely express herself and make rules even for other adults. She tells and orders him me and others. She walks up to strangers and asks them for change or in resturants tells them to do things. When she is talking she tells him to be quiet and not interupt her that she is talking. She left our home and chooses to live with mom only comes over if he takes her somewhere or to play xbox. she walks all over him and its hard to watch and sometimes embarrassing. Her behavior or lack of often bothers are household. She recently told him she wants him to herself and he allows her to tell me when I can and can not come with them places. When she goes out with us he holds her hand and walks ahead of me and my kids. When he sits on the couch he puts his arm around her and holds her hand and I am usually not allowed to sit by him. She is trying to divide our family of 5. ...I am a strict well balanced parent to my kids 13 and 16. Life is smooth and drama free until she calls or comes over and I need help coping with a 11 yr old ruling my liife at times.

Replies

  • whatIknownow
    April 1, 2013 at 7:38 AM

    It doesnt' sound like she is interested in "your family of 5," she's only interested in spending time with her dad. I would just let her have her dad to herself, and find something else to do when she is there. It sounds like she is not there all that much.

  • Anonymous
    by Anonymous - Original Poster
    April 1, 2013 at 7:53 AM
    She is suppose to be here 7 days off and on. He let's her do what she wants. Dad works 6 days a week so doesn't have much time for special outtings with her alone. My problem is I don't believe that children should run adults lives. Its pretty hard to ignore her poor behavior also. My other two kids want his attention as well. Also I keep having to talk to my children about their unruly bossy step sister and step dad is looking wishy washy because he is super strick with them. He is not with biodaughter bcuz he is afraod of her
  • Anonymous
    by Anonymous - Original Poster
    April 1, 2013 at 7:58 AM
    if she is not interested in being apart of our family then she can just be with her mom. Bcuz that is reality I am not going to allow division Period. I just am interested in teaching my husband better parenting skills so if she does stay with us its TOLERABLE
  • Anonymous
    by Anonymous - Original Poster
    April 1, 2013 at 7:58 AM
    She is not a normal child
  • Anonymous
    by Anonymous - Original Poster
    April 1, 2013 at 7:58 AM
    She is not a normal child
  • Susanmomof
    April 1, 2013 at 7:58 AM

     I would have a hard time being around a child that was allowed to act like that !! I'm strict with mine as well.

    Quoting Anonymous:

    She is suppose to be here 7 days off and on. He let's her do what she wants. Dad works 6 days a week so doesn't have much time for special outtings with her alone. My problem is I don't believe that children should run adults lives. Its pretty hard to ignore her poor behavior also. My other two kids want his attention as well. Also I keep having to talk to my children about their unruly bossy step sister and step dad is looking wishy washy because he is super strick with them. He is not with biodaughter bcuz he is afraod of her

     

  • Anonymous
    by Anonymous - Original Poster
    April 1, 2013 at 8:25 AM
    I made an appt to go to couples counseling so we can learn how too deal with her. My 16 yr old is starting to be affected I consoled her the other day I think she might need therapy too. Hopefully we can develop some good problem solving skills and make some boundaries. I know what to do I just wanted to let him parent but he doesn't know how too. Duh that's how she got the way she is. She even talked rudely to my mother who is a princepal and handles hundreds of children. My mom told me she was very naughty rude and out of control and to not bring her around her.
  • whatIknownow
    April 1, 2013 at 8:29 AM

    Unless she wants to be part of "your" family, you won't allow her to see her father? Why are you trying to come between your husband  and his daughter? Their relationship came before your "family" was even a family. They were family with each other first. Why do you have such distain for the "family" that they are?


    Quoting Anonymous:

    if she is not interested in being apart of our family then she can just be with her mom. Bcuz that is reality I am not going to allow division Period. I just am interested in teaching my husband better parenting skills so if she does stay with us its TOLERABLE



  • Birdseed
    April 1, 2013 at 8:40 AM

    How long have you two been married?

    Some of the behaviors you are describing occurred when my DH and I first got together.  (the couch situation, the walking, etc)  With time, it went away.

    As far as parenting styles...yes, I'd say that my DH and I have different perspectives on this.  However, with time and discussion (and counseling), we've made some changes and compromises.  


  • singlemom416
    April 1, 2013 at 8:50 AM

    Best place to start for you is to ignore her when she tries to boss you around. Just tell her nicely"im an an adult you will not tell me what to do" your husband needs to quit letting his dd say when you cant go with them. He just needs to say to her" she will come because i want her to and it will be a good time for you guys to get to know each other". With that said he needs to spend some one on one time with her,all kids need daddy time. I think the child here needs some counseling to. The way she is acting could be signs of some serious underlying issuses such as seperation anxiety,fear,neglect,child abuse,molestion,mental or mood disorders.

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