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bm wants to personally "inspect" our home....Added exact phrasing of demand
March 26, 2013 at 12:09 PM
To make sure it's good enough for ss. Reasons why this is not okay with me....

A) this woman has been homeless with ss couch surfing. He has a bed here
B) this woman had been improsoned mulitple times over the period of ss's life for times spaning one night to 2 weeks. Lets go inspect that "home" she kept :)
C) Bm is prone to causig a scene and getting violent as proven by her track record. I dont want her in my home around My child.
D) Bm has kept Dad completely out of the loop of where his son his and now wants all rights to be a nosey bitch. She even went as far as lying to dh about skipping state so he couldnt see ss.

This is my vent but now I need a legit way to tell dh all these reasons so he can tell his lawyer that its going to be a big fat NO for that home inspection done by bm.

Before some of you go off on me bm and dh dont have the friednly kind of relatuonship where she can just come over to "hangout" at our house. And yes Im taking this as a personal attack on how I keep my house for my own child, who has a higher ranking in my heart. Sorry bm

Added! So Im going to copy and past the exact words her lawyer sent dh's lawyer.

"c. Mom visits dad's residence to make sure it is OK before Dad takes child to his residence."

This is after she is reguestong the max time dh get is 6 hrs a week with no over nigts after spending 3 weeks supervised. Dh has never done anything to warrant supervision or such little time. She is being unreasonable in my opinion. This is still just their proposal, nothing has been court ordored yet


  • Anonymous
    by Anonymous
    March 26, 2013 at 12:17 PM

    No.  She does not need to be in your home, looking it over or giving it a grade.  It's not her home.  Unless she has proved to a court's standard that your DH is not capable of maintaining a proper home, it's not any of her business.  I would not back down on this.  My home is my home, and if you are not a friend of my family and marriage, which it seems the BM here is not, you are not welcome in my home.  If it's that important, she can call CPS.  I would let the attorney know that I had no intention of agreeing to allow this woman into my home. 

  • illinoismommy83
    March 26, 2013 at 12:18 PM

    I'd tell her if she is concerned she is welcome to hire a professional to inspect your home at her expense. 

  • leegirl_jm
    March 26, 2013 at 12:18 PM

    I would just use her violence and that this is my home as my only reasons.

  • Derdriu
    by Derdriu
    March 26, 2013 at 12:24 PM

    It's a control thing.  The BM doesn't respect the notion that your DH runs his own household independent of her.  She has no right to "inspect" your home, nor does she need to.  She may think she's entitled to that, but she's wrong.  I'm surprised your DH's lawyer hasn't already advised your DH why it's a bad idea.

  • laughnchica
    March 26, 2013 at 12:27 PM

    Uumm.....hell no. It is YOUR house. If she is worried, let her know that she can have the police do a welfare check if it is THAT big of an issue. I would not let her into my house no matter what the reason....

  • Rae706
    by Rae706
    March 26, 2013 at 12:29 PM

    Ehhh, on a normal basis I wouldn't have any problem with BM doing an "inspection". I would absolutely want to know where my child was sleeping and in what conditions. But it sounds like this is something else. BM could still be concerned, even considering her past, but I don't know that that should grant her access to your home. I just don't know if I would trust her. 

  • Anonymous
    by Anonymous
    March 26, 2013 at 12:30 PM

    WOW!! She sounds like one very controlling fruit loop! I've NEVER heard of a BM wanting to 'inspect' the BD and SM's house!! She sounds like a TOTAL LOSER!!! I would tell her when a Judge hands down a court order that you "MUST" open your home for her to inspect your home, then she can come over. Otherwise, I would tell her to kiss my BUTT!!!  GOOD LUCK!!!

  • Katalystic
    March 26, 2013 at 12:32 PM

    Doesn't really matter what she wants and you really don't need to  list out a reason of excuses why not to let her...

    If you don't want to do it- say no. While yeah, it makes sense that a BM may be concerned about where their kid is staying, they have no right to come and inspect or check out your home and you have no reason to let them.

  • Rae706
    by Rae706
    March 26, 2013 at 12:33 PM

    Maybe she could be accompanied by a police officer who stayed by her side the entire time or something.

    We invited BM over to see our house and SD's room, but it was our idea and there was no "inspection" going on. SD was excited to show BM her room (doesn't have her own room at BM's) and we wanted BM to be comfortable. Not that she wasn't, it was just convenient and a nice gesture.

  • Steamedpuddle30
    March 26, 2013 at 12:35 PM

    Quoting laughnchica:

    Uumm.....hell no. It is YOUR house. If she is worried, let her know that she can have the police do a welfare check if it is THAT big of an issue. I would not let her into my house no matter what the reason....

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