Stepmom Central

Phone calls on birthdays/holidays....from the SP.
February 18, 2013 at 6:12 PM

If you're a SM, do you call your steps at the other parent's home and chat?  If you're the BM, would that bother you?


I am not in the habit of calling the SKIDS on my own on any kind of regular basis when they're at Mom's.  When we had them 50/50, I did talk them most days after school about dinner or schedules or where to pick them up, but those were more "business" talks.  

Now that we've moved and are NCP, I get to talk to them almost every day via Skype or Face Time when they're on with Dad but for the most part, I try to give him/them their space and privacy on those calls too.  I say hi, maybe we talk about something at school or here, but it's pretty brief.

Well, Dad went home to spend the holiday weekend with the kids and celebrate eldest SD's bday.  I was online early so I FB messaged her Happy Birthday.  But it was too early to call.  Then I got tied up with a bunch of other stuff.  Talked to DH a little bit ago after he dropped the kids off and was heading to the airport and he asked if I was planning to call SD to wish her Happy Birthday.

Honestly, I wasn't.  Not now that she's back at BM's.  I don't want to interrupt their dinner/bday stuff.  I kind of thought I'd skype/face time with them while Dad was with them, but like I said, I got tied up on the phone trying to handle some financial things and then spent 3 hours on the road trying to take care of stuff.  So it just never happened.

I think I WILL call SD.  Because it's her bday afterall.  I don't think she'd be sad if I didn't.  She's a big tough teenager and she and I don't have the closest relationship.  But it's her bday.

So.  If you're a SP, do you call the kids on your own?  If you're the BP, would it bother you if the SP called?  The last thing I want to do right now while so many things are kind of up in the air is disappoint the kiddo or piss of the momma.  


  • IntactivistMama
    February 18, 2013 at 6:26 PM
    No, never.
  • kkkaaayyyy
    February 18, 2013 at 6:28 PM

    I do not call my SS at his mothers house due to his mother hating me. It would really depend on the situation. I do not have children of my own, so I cannot asnwer if I would allow my child's SM to call and talk to the child. I don't see why not?

  • pepper504
    February 18, 2013 at 6:29 PM

    Nope.  I do not call SS14.  Never have.  If DH calls him I tell DH "Tell SS hey" or "Tell SS Happy Birthday" or whatever the occasion may be.  BM hates me more than life itself and I would never put SS in the middle of her craziness as she already has.

  • lovemyfriend
    February 18, 2013 at 7:08 PM

    I'll talk to my sd on the phone when she's on the phone with her dad while at bms if she asks to, or if I have something I really want to tell her.  I wouldn't call sd at her moms to talk to her, I think bm would not like that, and my sd, even though she's 8, is very perceptive.  It wouldn't be a welcomed conversation from sd, either.  I think that because she'd be able to tell how upset her mom would be, which would project onto her, and she's probably not really want to talk to me for putting her in that postition.  If she had her own cell phone, I still would probably not call.  As a bm, my son is only 2 and I would hope that I wouldn't care as long as it was what he wanted.  Can't say though, for sure.  I've never been in that situation. 

  • luckystars2012
    February 18, 2013 at 7:31 PM
    SS wasn't old enough to have his own phone when bm had custody, so no. If he were older and had his own means of communication, then maybe. We're pretty close.

    My sm and I are not close, never have been. We barely tolerate each other. She calls me all the time and it irks the hell out of me.
  • Panda113
    February 18, 2013 at 7:33 PM
    SD will occasionally call me when she is at her mom's but I have never called her. We have her like 6 days a week though.
  • legobaby
    February 18, 2013 at 7:36 PM
    I never call SD when she is at her moms. I send her Facebook posts on special days like her birthday. I might talk to her for a second on face time if DH face times her, but it's just for a second if that.
  • Tigress22304
    February 18, 2013 at 8:51 PM

    I don't call BM's house because I never know when they're home. Instead, I'll facebook/email SD11.

    And if the skids are at our home and BM calls-not a big deal.

  • Birdseed
    February 18, 2013 at 8:55 PM

    Well, I got wrapped up in other crap again and missed the 7-8pm window.  So I texted SD at 8:30...I don't think she was in bed yet . But no response back.  

    I suck.  Le sigh.

    But I DID wish her happy bday on her fave venue--FB--by 8am.  Just didn't want to get her up early.  I know she'll sleep til 11 if she can. (and I would've too at her age and especially on my bday!)

    I just don't like calling when they're at Mom's.  I'm not gonna lie.  I feel like it puts them on the spot and might be perceived as invasive by Mom.  But Dad is going to be disappointed in me.  I'm used to it.  I'm not sure I'll ever be the SM he had hoped.

  • ebethmarie
    February 18, 2013 at 9:07 PM
    I guess it just depends on your relationship with the BM. So the kids not have cellphones? My SD is only 6 and her mother and I don't have a close relationship, we are pretty much just civil to one another. We live in separate states but she has no issue with me calling to speak with my SD if my DH isn't around (he's military). She knows how much her daughter loves me and I her. I would say just do it, it would probably mean a lot to your SD.

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