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packermomof2
Fighting for your kids
February 17, 2013 at 1:19 PM

is a stressful time.  It is hard.  And court shouldn't be a spectator event when parents are trying to work something out that is so personal and dear to them.  

So why do so many SP's want to be involved in that when it really, truly isn't about them no matter how they spin the situation?

Replies

  • leegirl_jm
    February 17, 2013 at 1:45 PM

    I suspect if a stepparent is involved, it is because a parent wants them involved. If both parents prefer to keep the matters only to themselves, then I don't think stepparents would be in court.

  • packermomof2
    February 17, 2013 at 1:53 PM



    Quoting leegirl_jm:

    I suspect if a stepparent is involved, it is because a parent wants them involved. If both parents prefer to keep the matters only to themselves, then I don't think stepparents would be in court.


    So if one parent wants to keep the battle between the parents is that parent out of luck because the ex doesn't understand that this is not an event where spectators should be welcome?

  • blondepegasus
    February 17, 2013 at 1:57 PM

    I think many dads expect sm to do much of the legwork...whether that's right or wrong...record-keeping/gathering, phone calls, appointment-making, travel arrangements, child care during proceedings, etc. so sm's feel invested in that respect.

    Also, the sp might be only a spectator in the process but the outcome will most definitely affect his/her life. It's just naive to think that new decisions made in court after the parent is remarried won't affect the sp on a huge level for many years to come. I married my dh with a certain set of components and expectations in place. Why wouldn't I want to be involved in a process that is going to change/determine how I live the rest of my life with dh and stepkids? 

  • Lurion
    by Lurion
    February 17, 2013 at 1:59 PM

    OMG you read my mind!!!

    There are the rare cases where one of the parents is a deadbeat, but most of the time I think everyone would be better off if SM just steps back. 

  • Rae706
    by Rae706
    February 17, 2013 at 2:02 PM
    SP's are effected by just about everything involving skids. I think that makes them more than a spectator. Maybe one parent wants the SP there for moral support, or maybe one parent welcomes their opinion, or maybe they want to consult with the SP before doing anything that is going to directly effect the SP. either way, I do think that is up to each individual parent... Unless said SP makes a spectacle of themselves and gets removed from the courtroom.


    Quoting packermomof2:




    Quoting leegirl_jm:

    I suspect if a stepparent is involved, it is because a parent wants them involved. If both parents prefer to keep the matters only to themselves, then I don't think stepparents would be in court.



    So if one parent wants to keep the battle between the parents is that parent out of luck because the ex doesn't understand that this is not an event where spectators should be welcome?


  • leegirl_jm
    February 17, 2013 at 2:17 PM


    Quoting packermomof2:



    Quoting leegirl_jm:

    I suspect if a stepparent is involved, it is because a parent wants them involved. If both parents prefer to keep the matters only to themselves, then I don't think stepparents would be in court.


    So if one parent wants to keep the battle between the parents is that parent out of luck because the ex doesn't understand that this is not an event where spectators should be welcome?

    Yes, that is how it works, the children belong to both parents and the children will be affected by the decisions and the behaviour of both of them, fortunately or unfortunately. I usually tell my husband whenever an issue comes up with BM that she was your mistake, so he has to suck it up and deal.

  • momof2ex1
    February 17, 2013 at 2:17 PM
    I have been in and out of the court room for 7 years. I've seen a lot; I'm a people watcher. I see a lot of women there with the dads. I don't see as many men there with women. According to my lawyer, this is typical. Men don't feel any need or entitlement to other people's children. They don't need to be front Row.
    Women on the other hand, tend to not trust their husband to remember to tell the courts 'important information'. They need to be there to make sure it goes the way they plan. They can't sit at home! That would be too nerve wracking and he probably won't remember what to say!!!
    That's just fr experience and what I've been told by a lawyer who has been doing this for many many years.
  • momof2ex1
    February 17, 2013 at 2:19 PM
    I have never understood this. How could a decision regarding my child effect my ex's wife? Or my husband? They aren't the parents.


    Quoting Rae706:

    SP's are effected by just about everything involving skids. I think that makes them more than a spectator. Maybe one parent wants the SP there for moral support, or maybe one parent welcomes their opinion, or maybe they want to consult with the SP before doing anything that is going to directly effect the SP. either way, I do think that is up to each individual parent... Unless said SP makes a spectacle of themselves and gets removed from the courtroom.




    Quoting packermomof2:





    Quoting leegirl_jm:

    I suspect if a stepparent is involved, it is because a parent wants them involved. If both parents prefer to keep the matters only to themselves, then I don't think stepparents would be in court.




    So if one parent wants to keep the battle between the parents is that parent out of luck because the ex doesn't understand that this is not an event where spectators should be welcome?



  • feliciasmith
    February 17, 2013 at 2:25 PM
    Dh's lawyer advised that I go to mediation with him even if I sit outside or not she said it shows that dh has a support system, that I'm not evil.

    When parents split up mom has no more control over dad, I think that pisses a lot of moms off. You dont get to decide whether dad has a stepparent show up or not. Why does it matter anyway?
  • leegirl_jm
    February 17, 2013 at 2:28 PM

    True, however whenever a stepparent is upfront, it is usually a parent who wants it that way.

    Quoting Lurion:

    OMG you read my mind!!!

    There are the rare cases where one of the parents is a deadbeat, but most of the time I think everyone would be better off if SM just steps back. 


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