Stepmom Central

Featured Posts
loving2live
Sometimes "right" is so unclear..
February 8, 2013 at 12:32 PM
DH is completely conflicted about how to deal with BM (and I'm in the same boat). She's made some bad decisions that are affecting us, and I'm not sure whether he/we should let it all slide, or pursue action against her. Its a joint custody situation: SD14 and SS12 live with her, but fly to us for all summer and holidays. They divorced in 2006; I met and married DH in 2009, and we have two small kids together.

The situation: His ex signed deposited at least two checks in 2011 made out to "BM AND DH," -- money that should have been half DH's. She also did not pay income tax on the money, so the IRS is pursuing DH and I (joint return) for the income tax and penalties (over $1000 total we owe for money we never knew about). We have documentation proving she lied to a bank, a Senator's office, and the IRS -- both denying that she received money and telling them she was a married military spouse (and so she received thousands in military benefits). She also refuses to take his name off the utilities.

I don't know how seriously the law would take her actions, I can't really find anything and our divorce/family attorney doesn't know. And dh doesn't want to take action without understanding how it would affect the kids.

For those who might say, "let DH handle it" -- it's our joint tax return that is goofed up, and the IRS will go after me for the money too. Also, if DH's credit gets screwed because of her, that affects me next time we go to buy a car. If I had this kind of information (identity theft, misrepresenting facts to federal agency, and bank fraud) on anyone BESIDES BM, I'd have ALREADY contacted the authorities!

I'm looking for constructive thoughts of how to proceed. Let it go? Or put the truth in the hands of the law and see what happens?

What scares me is that after getting away with this so far, there's nothing to stop her from doing it again in the future!!!

Replies

  • Tracylynn100
    February 8, 2013 at 12:40 PM

    I personally would pursue legal options with the authorities.  She took money that didn't belong to her and stuck you with the penalties.  Also the utilities could come after you for any unpaid balances. I would maybe look at a different attorney also, you would think they would have some idea.

  • Birdseed
    February 8, 2013 at 12:44 PM

    I think a good tax attorney would be in my future were I in your shoes.

    I don't really see how this would affect the kids.  It's a financial/fraud/tax issue that needs to be resolved.

    I woudln't want to be in a position of getting into it with the IRS without good representation.  They can freeze your assets and leave you virtually no access to any monies and if he's still military, it could really mess up his career to boot.

    As for the utilities, if his name is on them, he can turn them off.  (in most states).  All he has to do is make a phone call.  I'd give her the heads up and then take care of it.

    (I ran into that once with an old roommate...he put utilities in my name--these days, they usually ask for ID and a passcode though)


  • Panda113
    February 8, 2013 at 12:50 PM
    Have DH call the utility company and cancel his account (give BM a months notice) then she can set it up in her name.

    I would work something out with the IRS and present your evidence to them.
  • loving2live
    February 8, 2013 at 12:53 PM
    Thanks - DH gave her a warning, and is going to start calling utilities in the area next week, but has no idea what all she is using...

    And because her income is very limited, if she is fined for repayment (or goes to jail?) she will probably lose the kids (or they will have a drastic lifestyle change). DH would love full custody, but doesn't want the kids to feel like, "you ruined my mom and yanked me out of my school!" KWIM?

    I did hire an experienced tax CPA, and the IRS should be happy with us and going after her by the end of next week. We got a copy of the check she signed from the issuer, and the issuer is giving DH a corrected 1099 showing only she got the money. :-)


    Quoting Birdseed:

    I think a good tax attorney would be in my future were I in your shoes.

    I don't really see how this would affect the kids.  It's a financial/fraud/tax issue that needs to be resolved.

    I woudln't want to be in a position of getting into it with the IRS without good representation.  They can freeze your assets and leave you virtually no access to any monies and if he's still military, it could really mess up his career to boot.

    As for the utilities, if his name is on them, he can turn them off.  (in most states).  All he has to do is make a phone call.  I'd give her the heads up and then take care of it.

    (I ran into that once with an old roommate...he put utilities in my name--these days, they usually ask for ID and a passcode though)



  • Birdseed
    February 8, 2013 at 1:01 PM

    I don't think that your DH should feel responsible for her fiscal error--even if it DOES result in serious issues.  That is on her.  What I DO think is that he should make her well aware of the issue and encourage her to make it right.  They tend to work with folks on repayment and such IF the people are proactive and not just sticking their heads in the ground.

    As for the utilities, how do you know they're in his name but not know which companies they are?  I'm confused?

  • loving2live
    February 8, 2013 at 1:27 PM
    He got an email from one of them, and when confronted she admitted that he is on others too, but won't tell him which. :-/ She thinks he's ridiculous for trying to get his name off everything, since "his credit it better than hers anyway and the kids use the utilities too." (I don't get the logic.)


    Quoting Birdseed:

    I don't think that your DH should feel responsible for her fiscal error--even if it DOES result in serious issues.  That is on her.  What I DO think is that he should make her well aware of the issue and encourage her to make it right.  They tend to work with folks on repayment and such IF the people are proactive and not just sticking their heads in the ground.

    As for the utilities, how do you know they're in his name but not know which companies they are?  I'm confused?


  • Birdseed
    February 8, 2013 at 1:34 PM

    Well, the good news is that in most areas, there are only 1 or 2 service providers for most utilities.  So it shouldn't be too hard for him to make some calls and sort it out.

  • Derdriu
    by Derdriu
    February 8, 2013 at 2:03 PM
    When is the last time he checked his credit record? There may be a ping or revolving account to help clue him in. He can also a have a security freeze placed through the major credit reporting agencies so that she can't open up additional account or run credit checks using his SSN.


    Quoting loving2live:

    He got an email from one of them, and when confronted she admitted that he is on others too, but won't tell him which. :-/ She thinks he's ridiculous for trying to get his name off everything, since "his credit it better than hers anyway and the kids use the utilities too." (I don't get the logic.)




    Quoting Birdseed:

    I don't think that your DH should feel responsible for her fiscal error--even if it DOES result in serious issues.  That is on her.  What I DO think is that he should make her well aware of the issue and encourage her to make it right.  They tend to work with folks on repayment and such IF the people are proactive and not just sticking their heads in the ground.

    As for the utilities, how do you know they're in his name but not know which companies they are?  I'm confused?



  • elisesmom922
    February 8, 2013 at 2:25 PM

    BM here used DH's SSN to get utilities turned on in his name. We didn't find out til the collection notices came. Since they are in your DH's name, he can call them, make them set up a password, and even say unless he provides a written statement, they aren't to turn on anything. We did it all. Told them where we/he had previously lived, and provided proof for it as well. Start with calling the cops, its fraud, plain and simple. The fact that she is BM, oh well. Obviously SHE didn't think about that first as she should have!

  • EarlGrayHot
    February 8, 2013 at 2:41 PM

    Why not contact the military lawyers?  Surely they would be the best at resolving this issue with Uncle Sam.

Stepmom Central

Active Posts in All Groups
More Active Posts
Featured Posts in All Groups
More Featured Posts